Sunday, February 3, 2013

Do you think I'm boring?

Sometimes I think I am so dull and boring that I will put readers to sleep. (That is how I feel, anyway.) Writing is HARD! Maybe I'm not cut out to be popular, but I was writing for myself anyway. So what does that mean when I put myself to sleep? I'm rewriting The Cost of Loving. This is the sequel to When Love Is Not Enough, but I'm trying to make it stand-aloneish. That way, people who didn't read the first one due to the "bitter sweet" tag (because it's scary), can read TCOL and not be lost. Although, I think if you read it, you might want to read the first one anyway. Then there are those who will not read either because they are not fun and happy. That's fine, I'll write another funny book sometime soon. TCOL is an anticipated novel. WHY? Not sure. I am reading it. I am writing it. I am doubting my ability to write anything that will keep readers awake.

Are there readers of this blog who haven't read WLINE? (When Love is Not Enough) Excerpt:

September 3, 2004  
Labor Day weekend starts tomorrow. I can’t wait. I get to be at  
my dad’s for three whole days. I know he has to work, because it’s a  
holiday and all, but I don’t care. When he’s not working maybe we can  
go hiking or something. Ooooh, or fishing at that pond I found a few  
weeks ago.  
I wonder if Darian likes to fish? Hmmm… I’ll have to ask.  
School is going good so far. Nobody’s said anything to me about  
my parents or how my dad moved or how my mom put the house up for  
sale when she finally married Mr. Mustache Man. No jokes yet, but I  
won’t hold my breath. I think Joey was about to say something in PE,  
but Matt glared at him for me.  
I’ve been grateful for Matt. If it wasn’t for him looking out for me,  
I think I’da been in a lot more fistfights. I guess it pays off for him to  
work out all the time and build up his muscles. No one messes with him.  
Well, come to think of it, no one messed with him before. I remember  
him being a scrawny­ass little guy in middle school, and no one seemed  
to care. They liked him anyhow. Who wouldn’t? Matt’s the perfect  
I think he’s….  
Something  hard  smacked  Jimmy  on  the  back  of  the  head  and  
stopped  his  thoughts  dead  in  their  tracks.  He  stopped  writing  but  kept  
his  head  down.  He  really  didn’t  want  to  turn  around  and  see  who  threw  
the  dinner  roll  that  came  with  the  school  lunch.  He  waited.  No  more  
fights, he whispered to himself. 
“Hey,  Miller.  Your  stupid  dad  get  a  job  yet?  I  hear  they  fired  his  
ass from Big Lots.” Snickering ensued.  

Jimmy  closed  his  eyes.  He  knew  that  voice  and  those  snickers.  
Joey  Taylor  was  not  the  guy  he  wanted  to  deal  with  right  now.  He  was  
controlling  his  anger.  Right?  Control.  He  took  a  few  deep  breaths  and  
sat  stock­still.  A  juice  box  hit  him  in  the  back  of  the  head.  Jimmy  
turned quickly in his seat at the lunch table.  
“Now,  now,  Joey  Taylor….”  Matt  happened  by  at  the  most  
convenient  of  times.  “I  thought  you  were  due  in  Mrs.  Monroe’s  room  
for academic support?” He winked at Jimmy before peering confidently  
at Joey.  
Joey  scrunched  up  his  eyes  and  scratched  his  head,  mussing  up  
his  unruly  red  curls.  “Yeah,  so?  I  don’t  see  how  it’s  any  of  your  
business, Dixon.”  
“It’s  not.”  Matt  shrugged.  “I  was  simply  dropping  off  some  
textbooks  in  her  office  and  overheard  her  talking  to  another  teacher.  
She  said  something  about  ‘wondering  where  you  were’  and  having  to  
talk to your mom, that’s all.”  
Matt’s  cool  tone  almost  made  Jimmy  snort  juice  out  through  his  
nose. He choked back laughter. Damn, Matt’s good!  
“Aw,  shit!”  Joey  cursed,  grabbing  his  books  and  dashing  off  
through the lunchroom doors.  
“Did  you  really  hear  Mrs.  Monroe  saying  that?”  another  boy  
Jimmy  piped  up  and  answered  for  his  friend.  “Rob,  you  know  
Matt wouldn’t lie about something like that.”  
“Nah,  I  guess  not.”  Satisfied,  the  boy  went  back  to  eating.  Joey  
was forgotten. So was Jimmy.  
Matt  smiled  at  Jimmy,  sauntered  over  and  sat  down.  “Joey’s  such  
a schmoe. He’ll never learn to leave you alone.”  
“I know.”  
Matt’s  eyes  flickered  over  to  Jimmy’s  notebook.  “You  still  
This is part of chapter 2

The Cost of Loving is a work in progress that was rejected 3 times. Why? I don't know. Grammar was awful so that had could not have helped. Maybe the story was boring? Maybe it rambled on like my blogs? I don't know. I've taken it back to the drawing board and rewritten several chapters and restructured it. Does it flow better? I have no idea. I've read it so many times I think I can recite dialogue. I'm numb to the affects. (or is it Effects?) I wish I paid attention in English class! So, TCOL... Excerpt??? Sadly I am having a hard time finding a bit in the beginning that isn't inappropriate to post. (Too much sexual content.) Um, hmmm.... Here is a portion. (Let me know if it is not clean enough to post and I'll edit it. If I can.)

Matt went home feeling good about church for the first time in a long time. He was happy. He was even happier and surprised to find Darian awake. He was quiet, but he was at least awake. Matt changed into something more comfortable and plopped down on the couch next to him. Maybe now is a good time to talk?
“What ya watching?” he asked, hoping to start a conversation.
“Nothing,” answered Darian, staring at the television.
He was wearing a tight blue, graphic T-shirt with clouds across the front. It was good to see him wearing a brighter color. Many of the shirts he wore were black. Matt liked the lighter shade. Darian was also in his underwear. Matt grinned in appreciation. He liked Darian’s legs. He reached over and stroked his thigh, relishing the feel of his course leg-hairs prickling his fingertips. But Darian’s lack of verbal participation was discouraging.
Should I talk? What did people talk about? I talked cars with Jamie. Does Darian like cars? “So, Dare, do you have any hobbies?”
Darian cocked his head in Matt’s direction and lifted his eyebrow, giving him a look. “I draw,” he said, in a tone that made Matt feel stupid; he turned his attention back to the television.
“Sorry. I knew that.” Matt was trying. Making small talk was hard! “Did you draw anything today?”
“Are you into anything else? Cars maybe?”
Darian shook his head.
This was going nowhere fast. Matt moved his hand higher on Darian’s leg and caressed his inner thigh. He wasn’t as boney as Matt thought. He had muscle. His thighs were seriously fine. Probably from sitting in my lap several times this week. Matt’s penis woke up. Shit! Focus, Matt, focus! Hobbies, not sex. So, what was I thinking about? Matt cleared his throat. “Um, do you ever go to the gym and work out?” Matt figured if Darian worked out, he could develop definition easily, just few squats a day would do a lot for his gorgeous legs.
“No.” Again with the look!
“Dare, I’m trying. How am I supposed to get to know you if you don’t say anything.”
“I don’t feel like talking.” Darian clicked off the television and tried to get off the couch.
Matt stopped him. “Don’t leave. We don’t have to talk.” Darian relaxed back against the cushions. Matt resumed the caressing of his thigh, but he spotted a paper on the coffee table next to the remote. “What’s this?” He picked it up and looked it over. “Your blood test results? It’s dated yesterday. How’d you get them so fast?”
Darian breathed heavily. “The doctor likes me.” He didn’t act surprised.
“Wow. I think mine are supposed to be in Wednesday.” He looked at the paper again. “You’re clean. I knew you would be. It’s me I’m not one hundred percent sure about.”
“I know, that’s why I used a flavored condom this morning like you asked. Cherry. It was okay I guess, but I’d rather taste you.”
“Thanks. I mean… I know I’d like a blowjob without one, but it’s safer.”
Darian nodded.
“You wanna do something? Play cards? Or I could make you something to eat.” He was really trying to be a good host like his mom would want him to be, but Darian wasn’t giving him much to work with. “Or we could watch a movie?”
“Or we could have sex?” said Darian.
Matt froze, thinking about all the things he’d gone over in his mind since last night. Sex was blurring the lines around everything. “Dare… I don’t think we should. Sex is interfering with—”
Matt didn’t need to finish his thought when Darian moved Matt’s hand from his inner thigh to his rigid penis. Matt felt his hard heat, and his brain switched off. It was obvious what Darian wanted. Matt obediently groped him through the fabric as Darian lunged forward, attaching his mouth to Matt’s.
No words were needed the rest of the day.

Is this interesting enough? Would you want to know what happens next? I might post more excerpts as I go.

Thanks for stopping by. If I'm quiet, it's because I'm editing what seems to be a boring manuscript. Any readers willing to read it just for feedback? (When it's done.) I'm near the end and should have a completed manuscript this week.

Over and out,


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