Wednesday, August 17, 2016

My Life Is Never Simple

Hey there, good people. This summer has been the fastest summer of my life. Just crazy busy and weird things piling up.

So first, there was 5 weeks of tennis for my girls right after school let out. I have 2 daughters, 15 & 11. Tennis was 3 times a week for 5 weeks. I thought I'd have some time for myself, while they were playing, but somehow time flies. Those five weeks went by so darn fast between tennis and swimming at friends houses and me driving them to spend the night etc. And all of a sudden it was August and I didn't remember July.

Yet, also during the summer, and extending back to like April, I've also been worrying about my mom and brother. My mom has emphysema and my brother and I have been talking to doctors and stuff. A lifetime of smoking did this, but condescending doctors are not helpful. I'm taking it one doctor's appointment at a time and being there to take her wherever she needs to go. She lives with my brother an hour from me so doctor appointment days take most of the day.

THEN, because it's never simple for me, I fell in my driveway and scraped my knee. A small cut. It ripped my only jeans so I was mainly upset about that, but 5 days after cleaning it out the area swelled up and got freaking HOT. I went to the doctor and they said it was infected. I was on TWO rounds of antibiotics, but it is STILL swollen. I have another appointment today with my orthopedist.

August has been crazy and this is only week 3. Week 1 was a HUGE kids festival thing my church is involved in. My kids are in it and I volunteered to serve snacks. It was Aug 1st-5th and pretty much exhausted everyone. It was a good week. Fun. Exhausting. And I took drugs for my knee, but also had gone to get blood drawn three times. I had gotten it in my head that I needed to know that I was healthy because I need to be strong for my mom, my brother, and the rest of my family. All tests came back good except one. My liver and kidneys are good. My cholesterol is good. My heart is fine. My blood pressure etc. My thyroid, however, is not. Durning Kids Fest Week, the doctor called to tell me I needed to see an endocrinologist immediately. I asked, "Will I die tomorrow?" because she sounded worried. The Doc said no. I was glad because I was going on vacation August 8-14. I figured my thyroid had probably been off for a long time so another week wouldn't matter.

I had gone to the doctor in the last week of July because I wanted bloodwork done to know if there was anything else wrong. I'd been seeing a therapist since January and the anxiety and depression hadn't gone away. I rarely slept. My heart was always racing. My mind never shut down. So the doctor prescribed a low dose of Lexapro. I've been on that for 3 weeks and I haven't slept this good in a year. I thought most of my mental issues were over my sadness and troubles with my son. Our argument and his leaving last July rocked me to the core. The Lexapro has really helped!

Anyway... I was on Lexapro the first few weeks of August and now I'm on a medication for my thyroid. Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss my thyroid because the only Endocrinologist in town can't see me until October. I have Hyperthyroidism. My TSH # was undetectable, while T3 & T4 are elevated. In a perfect world, maybe they could straighten out my Thyroid and maybe I wouldn't need Lexapro. IDK.

What I do know is that Vacation was relaxing. I listened to several audiobooks while my kids swam. Sutphin Boulevard, The Starving Years, and Beneath the Stain. All were good! Beneath the Stain by Amy Lane was outstanding!

When I got back, I hit the ground running and took my mom to the pulmonary specialist at 9:30 in the morning Monday. (Which meant I had to leave my house at 7) Tuesday, I saw my doctor, and my daughter had a dr appointment for her 11 yr wellness visit. Today I have another dr appointment, and Thursday I see my therapist. GO. GO. GO. I never get a break.

The one thing that had troubled me and plagued me since January is the inability to write. I know my brain is a mess. I've been screwed up since July 2015. I thought seeing the therapist would help, and it has in many ways, but my creativity has disappeared. I have ideas, but no voice. I have words, but no passion. Not sleeping for months didn't help. I hope straightening out my body will fix my brain. I want to find my voice again.

One person who wrote a review for JOCK 3 on Goodreads said, "Wade Kelly has outdone herself with this one." I am so glad for that because I love this book so much. But I worry I won't find myself again. I want JOCK 4 to be incredible. I want people to weep with Rob because you know J4 is for him.

So this has been my life this year. I told the doctor I always have weird things going on. I plan to die from a satellite landing on my car while I'm on the Baltimore beltway. She laughed and said, "Oh, my. I hope not." But this is how my mind works.  Nothing is simple. Nothing is normal. Always weird. We had discussed my family history too and I said everyone died of weird things like drowning not any specific disease like heart attacks. My two grandmothers died in their 90's. The people who died younger all smoked. I don't smoke, so I hope that will help change history.

So this is all very candid. This is me. I'm not hiding, I'm not exaggerating, and I'm not saying I have the worse life ever. I know people have it way worse than me. I am just saying this is why I disappear sometimes. I live in the fast lane sometimes and it has to do with taking care of my family. I want to write. I will write. I live to write. Just lately weeks have flown by so fast I can't think.

JOCK 3 is coming up fast. August 26th! I hope you like it. Follow the interviews and comment to win.

I love you guys. My readers and fans mean so much to me you have no idea. Thank you for understanding and standing by me through everything.

I guess that's all I have to say.






7 comments:

  1. Love and hugs from another mom/daughter/wife/sister!!!

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    1. Thank you! I take it all one day at a time.

      And I forgot to post about my flat tire on Tuesday. Life happens.

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  2. It's very possible that the imbalance caused by the hyperthyroidism is messing with your creativity. And also once that's straightened out it's very possible you won't need the Lexapro anymore. I had Grave's Disease & underwent irradiation therapy then started taking Synthroid but until my thyroid levels became normal, I had many unusual changes in both physical & mental states. And none of it made sense until I took a psychology class years later & we discussed thyroid disease for 5 seconds as a physiological reason for psych problems.

    *hugs* hang in there

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    1. I take it one day at a time. Today I'm seeing another doctor. We'll see what they say. :)

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  3. I hope you get answers from your doctor's. I just finished Jock 3. It was fantastic.

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    1. I think what the Dr put me on is working so far.

      I'm so glad you enjoyed JOCK 3. That makes me happy. I'm working on 4 & 5. Really I am!

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  4. I hope you get answers from your doctor's. I just finished Jock 3. It was fantastic.

    ReplyDelete