Wednesday, August 29, 2012

One YEAR ago today!

Hi, I'm Wade Kelly. And one year ago I became a published author. A PUBLISHED AUTHOR, BABY!! Yeah! Feels good!!!!!

When Love Is Not Enough (WLINE) was published on August 29, 2011. In that time it has touched many people. I know that because they message me personally! It was a draining book to write. Exhausting really. It's a book about suicide, but it is so much more than that! In one year I have 84 5-stars, 46 4-stars, & 19 3-stars etc... on GOODREADS. I realize that 164 ratings in a year is nothing compared to the smash-hits that come across a reader's comfy chair, but for me it's about the impact my book has made with a handful and not that it has been read by masses and forgotten. I've been told my book is hard to forget. One reader said that she remembered it with clarity 6 months after the fact and could not tell me about the hundreds of books she read after mine. I think that is a great accomplishment. Since this is the anniversary date I'm going to talk about WLINE mostly :)

What's been said by readers:
Vio rated it 5 of 5 stars false -Beautiful, Beautiful story an emotional rollercoaster...
Monika rated it 4 of 5 stars false -This is a beautifully written story that has a very sad beginning. 
T.A. Webb rated it 5 of 5 stars false - Give this remarkable book a chance. Mr. Kelly's voice deserves to be heard.
Don Bradshaw rated it 5 of 5 stars false -This book was absolutely amazing. The story tore me up emotionally but it was well worth the roller coaster ride. 
Meghan (mm_reads) rated it 5 of 5 stars false -This story was intense and heart-wrenching....It's such a well-written story that it was worth it, just be sure to keep your tissue box at hand.
Manuela rated it 5 of 5 stars falseRead it in 24 hours. Once I started it, I couldn't put it down.
Mika Milette rated it 5 of 5 stars falseI laughed...I cried...and by the end, I was smiling. This is a beautiful bittersweet story. 
Barb rated it 5 of 5 stars falseThis was a difficult book for me to get through, only because it was so brutally emotional. 
Kade rated it 5 of 5 stars false-Oh Jimmy! God how I loved him and his spirit. God he was such a sweet, caring guy. This is a BEAUTIFUL story and gods I didn't know how I was gonna survive it.
Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars false-Don't let this book fool you, it's quite heavy in its own right.
Summer Michaels rated it 5 of 5 stars false-I couldn't put this book down. ... This raw emotional roller coaster had me cheering for these young characters one minute and crying for them the next. 
Absynthe rated it 5 of 5 stars false-Heartbreaking and wrenching. A beautiful story, but painful. Definitely worth the read!
Simsala rated it 2 of 5 stars false -2 ratings for the book from me - 4,5 stars for the writing and making the difficult narrative work. 1 star for a story and characters that simply made me see red! *side note: I'd rather a reader see red then forget what I wrote ;p

And I LOVE this one: Mark rated it 5 of 5 stars false -This book should be in every high school library in America and should also be required reading for anyone considering the purchase of a chicken sandwich with waffle fries. Truly and amazing read.

Believe me, there is LOADS more that people said.

Also, I was nominated for the Goodreads M/M choice awards for 2011 for BEST TEARJERKER

AND I am on the "Best Gay Tearjerker with a Happy Ending" LIST! Sitting at #28 today with 25 votes. :)
I love lists so here are more: "Worst Mothers EVER" !! I'm #2 on this list :) with 22 votes.
"Best Bittersweet M/M books" - #4, "M/M Books you MUST read" - #94/267  but very few voters on that one (4)... , "Best M/M Romance published in 2011" - #47/388 (not bad), 

Then of course we have all the nice things REVIEWERS had to say about When Love Is Not Enough...
Top Two Bottom Reviews"Wade Kelly has set a new benchmark for the writing of emotions. ‘When Love Is Not Enough’ brought every emotion to the fore and dazzled, in a way that I have only ever seen from the likes of Jodi Picoult. It has been some time since I have read a title that has had so much true, raw emotional turmoil as to make my heart physically hurt for the characters. etc..."
 MM Good Book Reviews♥♥♥♥♥4.5Hearts "The story begins with alternating internal dialogue of two characters. You don’t know who they are, but you are plunged into the static of their echoing emotions. It’s messy, chaotic and so profoundly real that you are compelled to keep reading. etc."
A Bear on Books"I picked up this title with some little trepidation, and started. And got hooked immediately in this beautifully imagined and executed tale. Mr. Kelly has crafted a touching tale of love and hope in the face of pain and loss and tragedy. etc..."
Amos Lassen,"It is not often that I can say only good things about a first novel and when it happens I get as excited as the writer. Wade Kelly has written a first novel that he can be very proud of as he describes a relationship on the skids. etc..."
AND Literary Nymphs, gave WLINE the Golden Blush Award- "When Love is Not Enough is an outstanding story by first time author Wade Kelly and according to his website is the first release in the new Unconditional Love series. I have to admit that when I realized this gem was part of the Bittersweet Dreams set of titles, I almost passed it up, but I’m glad I didn’t. The basis for this well written and plotted story is Jimmy’s suicide, so it’s filled with pain, anger and deep, raw emotional upset. My warning…be ready for a few tears. etc..."  

OVERALL, the past year as a published writer has been awesome. I feel like I've made a difference to people. (and not just for entertainment's sake.) I've written a book that draws upon real circumstance that some of my readers have witnessed or felt. I'm glad I can touch hearts and minds. Not the masses at large (yet) but individuals. So, I'm glad. When Love is Not Enough means a great deal to me.

On to other thoughts... I've been saying to people that "this is going to be a big year for me, I can feel it." Well, other than the fact that nothing else has been published thus far, I DO feel it has been a year of good things and accomplishments. For one, the sequel to WLINE- "The Cost of Loving"(TCOL) - WILL get published!!! I'm confident about that. I'm just not confident as to WHERE and WHEN. (It might go self-pub.)

>>I also wrote, submitted, and was contracted for another novel!! My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap! Is supposed to be released sometime in December 2012 from Dreamspinner Press. I WISH I had a cover to share but I don't yet :(   This is a humorous novel and very different from WLINE. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE my characters Cole and Ellis. I think they're great together! Details will be forthcoming and I will keep you updated every time I hear something :)

>>I am currently writing another tearjerker. Names Can Never Hurt Me is going to be another novel that could possibly make readers cry. (Probably) I have ideas in my head but not enough is written to know where it is going. The characters tend to have a mind of their own, ya know? It's around 5500 words right now and I'm going to get more in the computer today. I am HOPING this will be finished and submitted by the end of the year.

>>I'm also writing Love, Trust, And Learning to Live Again (LTLTA) as I have thoughts and time to squeeze it in. This is the 3rd book in my trilogy. It's Darian's story. WLINE is about Jimmy. TCOL is about Matt.

You may have figured out I do "themes" in books. "When Love is Not Enough" is about lies and deceit and ultimately suicide. "The Cost of Loving" is about church persecution and standing up for what's right and being true to oneself. I THINK that "Love, Trust, and Learning to Live Again" will be about abuse and addiction.
"Names Can Never Hurt Me" deals with bullying and self-esteem. And if I HAD to pick a theme for "My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap!" is would be irony. lol

So there you have it! All the goings-on of ONE YEAR of my life as a published author!!! YAY!!

I've met some awesome people online. Reviewer, Lena Grey is a beautiful person! 
and my college friend 'K' I would have never met had I not written WLINE. So I am very grateful!!
And Ijeoma has been a wonderful contact across the ocean that has encouraged my writing.
There are countless more and I do not mean to hurt feelings by not listing EVERYONE who has encouraged me to keep writing and thanked me for what I have already published. So thank you to all!

To those who read my blogs all the time, (Deeze, RB, Anna, Vio, Monika, Pam, Kim, Kaje, L-D, Tina etc...) I'm sorry I am redundant, but this IS my anniversary!! For those who DON'T follow my blog-- why aren't you? Get reading!

That's all for now!
Wade :)

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Feels GOOD to write!

Writing comes from somewhere inside that doesn't have definition. YES, it is in my head but it's way more than that. Writing feels like life sometimes. It seems from my pours it surges through my veins; writing lives inside waiting for that small chance to step out on its own a breathe without me. The words build and surge as if awaiting the chance to life free on their own. I write, and I feel like I'm freeing something that's been trapped. And in that moment of release I'm free too. I close my eyes and I soar.

Writing drives me. I can't explain it and sometimes I forget when I'm stuck in the daily grind of life. But in those moments when I can sit, and type, and create, and let everything out, I feel something no other act can give me. No, I'm not comparing it to sex. And I'm not comparing writing to chocolate lest some women out there squawk at me. :P I'm saying that for me, there is no other feeling like it. To create words, sentences, paragraphs, stories, is to feel life beginning in my soul.

I wish this were my day job! It's a goal for sure. To do what I love and get paid for it is really what everybody would like to do.

But I'm creating in the small sections of time I get! I wrote yesterday. Maybe over 1000 words. Not a huge amount but I set up a scene and I have in mind where Nick is going and who he is with etc. That helps. Knowing WHERE the story is going, is sometimes better than writing random scenes. Scenes HAVE to go together at some point. So when I lack time to write out whole chapters, outlining the coming events is good enough for me. I think I am going with Nick Jones. It's simple and fits who he is. I also came up with a title: Names Can Never Hurt Me. Unless there is another book out there that you think of when you read that, I think it fits. I haven't come up with a blurb yet. I'm letting the story develop first.

Sometimes the premiss for the novel hits me first. Like When Love Is Not Enough. I'm pretty sure I had a blurb for that one way sooner. I knew what I was going to write about. Names Can Never Hurt Me is still forming in my head. I have an idea. Self Esteem plays a big role in this one. I have decided not to write a "bittersweet" tale so by default it will have an HEA/HFN ending. In some way I have to give in to the accepted tale because it sells. I don't want to conform, but if every book I write is like WLINE I won't get established. I'll sell 1000 copies of a smattering of 4 books and people will forget who I am. I'm just keeping this in mind as I write. I NOT selling out. I'll write hard topics. Nothing is going to be cookie-cutter with me. I write what I feel. I write what I know. I write what I think the WORLD needs to read. BUT, I'm going to give readers some of what they desire so I can keep writing and not worry about every book whether it will sell. The Cost of Loving being the HUGE example of a book that I was banking on and here it sits a year later. I can't have that with everything! I need to sell books. At least a few of them!

So... Names Can Never Hurt Me is at about 3385 words. Not much, but I have handwritten pages in a notebook to transfer!
Love, Trust, And Learning To Live Again is at about 14k. (Darian's tale for those who forgot)

I am writing them sort of at the same time as the mood strikes. I feeling good! I'm writing, Therefore I can take on the world!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Updates on ME for those interested :p

I thought I'd stop by AGAIN and fill you in on the latest. I also wanted to point out different places to "find" me incase you only stop by here. I am on Goodreads. I'd say "often" but that would depend on your definition of often. My blog DOES transfer from Blogspot to goodreads so you will find the same blog entries in both places. ALSO, on my WEBSITE there is a blog link.

Speaking of the website... Are you aware of the section titled "current news"? This is a spot where I have jotted down little tid-bits of what is going on. Currently it says:

Note there is a picture from goodreads with a link to the "worst mothers" list where I was in first place for thirty seconds ;)

In addition to this "informational" blog entry, I wish to express apologies to those who are new and can't follow my acronyms. I'm sorry. I forget that on occasion, a new person my stop by and actually read my blog. :p (mind-boggling to me.)

WLINE (When Love is Not Enough)
TCOL is the sequel to WLINE- The Cost of Loving. This one is with a publisher but they are taking forever to accept/reject it. Almost 17 weeks now. I have one other option in the works but I'm thinking self-pub at this point. No date yet as to when that will be out. 

MRJWC- My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap! This one is with Dreamspinner press with a projected publication in december. I have no word yet on specifics :( This is a comedy and VERY different from WLINE!!

I also have a WIP (Work in Progress) but it lacks a name. Most of it is in a notebook so I don't have a word count. I will find time soon to bang it out!!

I am also working on the third book in that trilogy. I have 13k written. The third one deals with Darian which is the most difficult by far. I hope to get it completed and submitted somewhere next year. It is difficult for me to write, and exhausting, so please be patient for this one.

I can also be found on facebook, and a website called ALL MALE ROMANCE. Feel free to "like" my writer page on facebook.

I think I have it all covered. Comment if I missed anything. Or just comment :p

Gotta jet. More to write!


Monday, August 20, 2012

Treadmill con't. *An update for the GR's group :)

I don't think I managed to breathe over the weekend, stuff just went by too fast for that!

It's crazy how sometimes I have time to sit and write and I put it off and distract myself because I "don't feel like it" and then there are times (like NOW) when all I want is a few consecutive hours to plug away at the keys and I get none! I mean, yes I'm here now, but it is not the same. I really don't have HOURS. I have 15/20 minutes. In that time I really only have a chance to look at e-mail and jot a blog post.


I have deadlines looming in deadly proximity! I wanted to possibly write a "short" for Kiernan's Kelly's call for submission. That one though has existing characters and I don't want publishers angry or anything. I also need to do some research before it's done. THEN, I noticed a call from Dreamspinner for the Advent Calendar. I thought, "Hmmm, I could do one. But which characters do I write about in a  'short'?" Do I write new ones that I am hoping to flesh out in my WIP? But it needs to be about holiday love.  I could do a snippet of Ellis and Cole that can add to their allure when the novel finally releases?

I don't know. But I have two weeks to decide.

THEN... Dilemma... What do I do about TCOL???? I didn't hear from the current "submitted to" publisher. (Notice how I'm being nice and not mentioning which.) It has been OVER their stated time-frame. I even sent a "status update" inquiry as per their auto-response e-mail stating it was my choice to do so after the allotted time was elapsed. STILL NOTHING!! How long do I wait? I was trying to be polite and wait on them as their website asks BUT they are not showing the same courtesy to me! What do I do? I have one other option I have in mind before I hang it all and go self-pub. I WANT THIS FRICKIN' BOOK PUBLISHED THIS YEAR!!! (or at the very least WITH a publisher who is intending to publish it.) Hanging around is annoying. PLUS, with all this wait and build up I worry it will end up being a bad sequel to a movie that everyone anticipates and then regrets paying the $9.00 movie-ticket prices and think they should have waited for the DVD. I don't want TCOL to be like, "gee, I wished I got it on some free pirate site, illegally, rather than pay for this c***!!"

Yes, --this is me worrying AGAIN!

So, I'm hoping to figure this all out before I drive myself insane.

I was asked how my friend 'K' is doing? Fine. I asked for an update to post and he's working on it.
We raised about 63% of the need. you can still give, donations are always welcome, but I am not going to pester people. You can donate thru this paypal account:
or through the donation sight that uses Wepay: Rally Around Gay College Student in NEED   Either one works.

I guess that is all for now. It's really the same as the last blog. I'm in limbo over TCOL and I need to find time to write all the scenes floating around in my head! There is a LOT in there, trust me! If I ever get the chance to sit down, I hope to bang this one out in two months! I'd LOVE to submit it by December!

Goals! It is good to have them :)


OH, By the way, WLINE is on this months copy of the Scarlet Letter online Magazine! Check it out. Zathyn Priest and Michele Montgomery etc. work hard on this. It's really well done, but needs exposer. Stop by. Read. There are articles and loads of cool stuff. JUST LIKE A MAGAZINE! but online :)


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Running on the Treadmill of LIFE!

Howdy y'all.

Every time I say that it cracks me up because I am so not country. AND not southern. Yet somehow "howdy y'all" always comes to mind as a greeting. Hmmm. Maybe I watch too many movies that use it? Country music? (lol, -NOT!)

I have to say, I am so sorry it has been over a week since I last posted. WOW. I can't believe how fast time flies when you are caught up in the rat race and doing everything and anything to make a buck. It has been a grueling week. I sleep like the dead because I'm so darn tired. Normally I'm a light sleeper and I wake often with thoughts in my mind about stories and plots etc. Characters talk to me in my sleep. I dream about them. Not lately. I am dead asleep!

So, sorry I've kept people hanging. :S Not intentional just a sad repercussion of working too hard and long and not having time for ME! I need time to write. I have none. Even now I could write but I normally like a few hours to get in a good run. I'm not a person who can sit at the computer and be happy with 20 minutes or 150 words. I can use a notebook for that! In fact, I have. My notebook as oodles of pages of scribbled mess I need to type out! (Oh gosh, I said oodles!) But it does!! I have several scenes and lots of dialogue. The WIP is shaping in my head if not on computer!

I am also facing the 16 week mark for the submission of TCOL! Friday is it. I MAY wait until Saturday to e-mail and inquire of the status. (The conformation e-mail in April gave me permission to do that!) I have soooo much planned that the end of this month is going to drive me crazy!

1. TCOL needs and answer. If the answer is NO, I need to resubmit elsewhere!!
2. The short BDSM needs to be completed and submitted by 8/31
3. I HAVE to find time for my WIP!!
4. I also need to get back to writing Darian's story!!
5. I am designing a 'T' shirt line to go with the release of MRJWC in December so I need to get moving on the design. *When you read the book, you'll understand! And maybe want to buy one ;p

Not all 5 of those tasks can be completed in the few remaining weeks of August, but they are the things that I need to concentrate on as I move into fall! Goal: To get TCOL published THIS YEAR, and to finish and submit another novel!!

So how do I accomplish these things when I feel like my head is going to explode trying to get the above done while working and trudging through my daily life? My life seems exhausting at times! How do writers do it? I guess if I was extremely popular and I had 20 novels published then writing could BE my day job and I wouldn't need to do anything else?? Here is to keeping that as my goal!!

AND to make matters worse, I think I have tendentious in my elbow. Not nice!! Do you know how much you do with your dominant arm? You find out when you can't use it! When I have it wrapped, the pain down my arm is less. When my arm is straight, the pain is less. (Hard to type with my arms all stretched out like Frankenstien's monster!) I discovered this morning that I can't blow my nose with my left hand. Geez. I'm too uncoordinated with that hand to do such a simple task! And I am pretty versatile with my less dominant hand. I can even write left handed. (I am normally right-handed if you didn't get that!) So, I'm bitching about it here! Stupid arm... Always something!!!

So, I'm pushing through. Working my ass off, accomplishing daily chores and appointments and sometimes feeling like I'm in the car more than anywhere else! I'll write, it just might take a while!


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Don’t just my book by its TITLE… or lack thereof :\

I am really stumped over this one. Not as bad as with the names of the characters but almost. And I had this difficulty with the last novel and needed a little help from my friends. Maybe I’ll ask you’s all advice again on that!

The characters… still waffling. Nick Jones could also become Chad Jones. Not sure. I think I need to explore his personality more as I write to solidify it in my head. …Elliott? I think I’m going with Ralph. (I have an uncle Ralph.) He is going to go by RC (initials) and I will explain why in the story. I have been pondering today the synopsis of the story. I think once I have that, a title MAY surface. Who knows?

I’ve been writing. Not a lot today but I did scribble down 5 pages of “outline” to help me keep plot details in order. This book is NOT the one I wanted to keep on writing but it is the one that the characters are talking to me. When Darian starts talking again, I’ll write that one. Until then I will go with the river that creativity flows in!

This tale deals with “beauty” and it being skin deep or not. It deals with hate and intolerance, but most of my stuff does! It contains more of myself in it. I always use things I know from my past (or present) to enhance the “realness” of the characters. It deals with self esteem and self confidence.

Will it have a happy ending? I will not know until I write it.

I have 2289 written. Doesn’t seem like much but it IS when the story keeps writing itself in my head and I only lack the time to type!! More words on their way!

On other news… I’m fine. I always have my ups and downs but life for me is normally the same. My problem is my emotional investment in things. I tend to care too much and sometimes it comes back to hurt me in the end. Although today… I’m okay.

My college friend ‘K’ is doing okay. Not great, but okay. We’ve raised about $2000.00 for him and that has taken care of some college debt (which now will keep him out of collections) and given him a security deposit to put down on an apartment. FINDING the apartment is still in the works, but he is doing his best. And the school is working on helping him more too. I find that WHEN ASKED people are more open to help than I originally thought. I’m trying to give my hatred of people in general another consideration since I am slowly running into some sparse NICE people. Who knew you were out there? Either way, he is still in need.

Still supporting my friend. Help if you can.

 What else? I have another friend who lost a family member. THEN she lost another like a week or two after that. Losing loved ones, even when they are older and somewhat expected to go before you, still hurts when you love them. My thoughts are with her and her grief. ** I’m sorry, dear lady that I can do no more than pray for you and hope that your sadness passes soon**

This is going to be a busy week. I haven’t had much sleep. (Which doesn’t help the writing factor.) But even if I am not at my computer, lately I am consumed with thinking about Nick and RC -- Scenes, scenarios, plot twists (lol, do mine twist?) and dialogue. I got some stuff brewing! Oddly, I have not written ONE sex scene! Wow. I do know when they first kiss. I also know when they touch first.

Just writing this blog makes me want to STOPPP and get to writing something. Come on creative synapses, get your juice going!!

Over and out.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Ah, to "Chic-fil-A" or to NOT "Chic-fil-A", such is the question for today...

I am not sure who knows and who doesn’t know the controversy surrounding a restaurant chain called Chic-fil-A. In all honesty, I don’t even know. As I stated in the previous blog, I don’t like gossip. Well, I ALSO kind of stay in my own little “la-la-land” writing without much notice to the on-goings of the world around me. I leave people alone for the most part and I don’t pay attention to the things that “stupid” people do. (Stupid in quotes because I am trying to alter my perception of the entirety of humanity in that context.)

Personally, I struggled with the stance that Chic-fil-A was taking over same-sex marriage and etc… They are apparently against it. I like their chicken sandwiches. I eat there often. So now I was thinking, “Should I stop?” But then, this week, I noticed a post. Someone I know was friends with someone she knows who posted something his friend posted on her wall. Are you following me? A friend of a friend sai THIS about his friend:
“I wish I could've 'shared' this but instead I had to copy and paste. This was put on Chik-fil-A's Facebook wall and I totally agree :)   (this was the friend of a friend of mine speaking. And he posted this post that was on chic-fil-A’s wall etc…)

"I'm gay and I think that Chick Fil A being strong with what they believe in is awesome. I may not agree with it but who cares, its their money that their using from their privately owned company to do so. Instead of complaining about this one company out of many that donated money to certain causes, you all could be looking for ways to support your cause. You're for gay rights? Awesome go donate money! Chick Fil A happens to be against it, so they donate money also. I don't see Chick Fil A banning gay people all because they have different beliefs. Do you? Nope! I eat there and they haven't complained about me for being gay! I'm sure they love my business just the same as a straight persons. So relax, not everybody will always have the same beliefs as everybody else, its called life. People believe in different things. That's what makes life fun and worth livining." -Emily

I guess I am blogging and pointing this out because it is said well. (In my opinion.) What I appreciate in Chic-fil-A’s stance is that they are open about it and are sticking by it. I DO NOT AGREE WITH IT, but I respect their decision to do as they choose.

Why do I say this? How can I say this? Well, think about it… Do you know where OTHER businesses donate their money? How about down the street from Chic-fil-A? Does the local Dollar Store donate their money to Nazi-war funds who desire to oppress Jews? (Stupid, out-dated example but whatever.) Does the local grocery store owner send a portion of his funds to anti-abortion clinics? Or support capital punishment? Does the place you get your hair cut support WAR, or is against it? HOW do we know where any of our money goes when it leaves our hands.

With a hair salon in mind… you go. You pay to get your hair cut. You leave. You got what you paid for. Then the owner, in their own privacy and desire to do so with THEIR money, gives a portion of that to do animal testing on products they use in their salon. IF you knew that before you went in, would you stop going there? Some say yes, but maybe some say, “I don’t really care.” KNOWING the stance of the ownership gives you as a consumer the chance to choose whether or not you spend your money there.

Chic-fil-A is giving you that knowledge and that choice. I respect that.

Where do I spend MY money? So far, including a royalty advance for a book as yet published, I –Wade Kelly- have made a grand total of $1300.00 (ish) I have spent 75% of that on various charities that I SUPPORT. You Will Rise, The Trevor Project, Various swag for my novel to hand out at the Rainbow book Fair, and some for my college friend. Does knowing where I spend my money deter you from buying my book?

What if I said I ate at Chic-fil-A today? What if I said I ate at Chic-fil-A and wrote 1342 words for my newest WIP? (which, btw, is a m/m romance.) I find it terrible funny that I sit in an environment that is against the very thing I promote and write about and support etc… They have not thrown me out. But no one has asked, “Hey there, what’ya writing?” People are blissfully unaware of who I am and what I support.

As I think most of us are most of the time.

Chic-fil-A simply had the audacity to state its opinions openly! *gasp* If we were all so brave to do so!

(As an aside… I know a manager of one store whose son is gay. But she is not treated wrongly!)

Spread LOVE not hate!


Still supporting my friend. Help if you can.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Gossip, Speculation, and Distrust

As I sit here I have WAY TOO MANY THOUGHTS swirling around in my head. I don't even know where to begin.

Gossip is something I don't like. I have experienced (in my past) malicious gossip that destroyed a part of me. People thinking things and talking about them without even consulting ME. It hurt then and that's why I hate gossip NOW. If you want to know something--ASK!!!

I don't generally give up personal information. WHY? Um, because it's personal. I'm a writer. That is what you need to know. I mostly blog about writing because that is what is important to me and that is what I want to spend my life doing. Sometimes, I write about things in my life. And if you follow me you will learn who I am as you read. Also, things I write about are personal TO ME! There is a lot of me in my characters because they are strong parts of my personality, and my personal observations, and my experiences I have witnessed or experienced personally. To read me is to know me, but without actually meeting me face to face. Will I come out of my little "safety closet" and tell all to that interview woman on E! tv? Probably not anytime soon. Have you read my bio? I don't live in a town where I can openly talk about my beliefs and who I am and what I write. I have to protect ME. Isn't that what we all do to some extent? (protect ourselves) This makes me real. I speak my mind online and I reveal what will not get me beaten, shunned, or excommunicated. People are mean!

I say that but recently people, some people, have proved me wrong. There have been 24 people to date who have gone beyond kindness and donated to help my college friend. (See donation button in previous blog to donate if you wish.) This outpouring of HOPE and love from faceless, nameless, and sometimes, unknown people is just amazing. Do I know some of you personally? Yes, some. But very few. You are showing me that I CAN TRUST PEOPLE AGAIN. But I still have to choose to wisely. I was screwed over by people I knew for a very long time and stalked online and openly chastised. These are things you do not quickly forget. Give me time. I say this because I feel like people WANT to know more, about me and about my friend, but that isn't always possible. I wrote When Love Is Not Enough out of the pain I felt when people betrayed me. I seriously wish The Cost of Loving was published because then you would understand the suffering I went through with the church. (Although the events are changed slightly for dramatization and fictional purposes, they are still real, just altered a bit.)

I also know (from a friend of a friend) that someone might be suggesting that what I am trying to do with my college friend is possibly a fraudulent. I don't know what is going on about that but it hurts me to think someone distrusts my word because I try so hard to be upfront and honest in the things I can share. And seriously, if you want to know something --ask me. Everything is on the donation page anyway. His letter is pretty extensive and revealing. There simply isn't a name or a face attached to it. BUT, here again, in the beginning I said TRUST ME OR DON'T TRUST ME, GIVE OR DON'T GIVE. these things are out there and I'm not forcing anyone to do anything. I'm just asking because it hurts me personally to know what my friend is going through.

I blogged last time about being "distracted"... understatement. It's hard to think when I am worried about what people are saying. On facebook and around town etc... If you notice, I hardly ever post anything besides it being about writing. I don't talk about people. I don't bash other people. And I especially don't mess with other writers. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO. I ask the same respect. If you have something to say then say it to ME. My e-mail address is everywhere.

I AM writing! Really. That call for submission for the BDSM thing is amusing and trying to write a SHORT scene with Matt and Darian is a challenge. A tasty challenge but still... It's hard to contain the word count with them! Anyway... The deadline for that is August 31st. I HOPE to hear from the publisher I submitted to by August 17th. By THAT TIME, I will have this short story done and I can decide whether to include it in book 3, or submit it to Torquere Press. I don't want to step on any publisher's toes. I like to be respectful to their guidelines. I just want TCOL to be published!! If I had simply self-pub'd then it would be out there already! I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It seemed like a lot of work that I didn't have time to research. I just wanted a publisher to do that work for me and here I am with weeks and months invested in WAITING on the publisher when I have a 89% feeling it will be rejected (again) anyway! This also distracts my mind because I hate rejection. (as any author does!)

I WANT to read, but in doing that it will keep me from writing. I think writing is what I need to do this week. (yes, it's almost the END of the week.) 50 Shades of Grey WILL get finished! My friend read the trilogy and didn't die. lol so if he can survive that I can survive book 1!

I'm also tossing around the book with Elliott/Ralph and Nick in it. I'm not sold on his name yet. And I don't have a title. I have half a plot and some scenes. But at least I am writing another book!! I can't only write about Darian. 1. Draining 2. readers would get bored.  I don't want to bore my readers. I want to give you "real life" stuff. Stories that you can read and think, "Omg! That same thing just happened to my friend!!! Wow!"

So now I am going to take my blah self and try to write. Blah because it bothers me that people may not trust the things I say or do.

If you're gonna gossip about me, let it be how awesome a writer I am and how my book should be a movie!!!! 'Cause you know that is my dream in life! I want a movie! :D  And I want my book on the shelves at Target! (but I refuse to write something like 50 Shades to do so!)


Think about it!