Thursday, February 28, 2013


To Pinterest or NOT to Pinterest, that is the question...

So, what is the deal with Pinterest? I got people telling me I need one and I'm like, "Seriously? What could I possibly use it for?" Out of curiosity opened the Pinterest home page amidst the links was a chicken recipe. I like chicken. I like to eat. I like to cook so I can eat! I like to find new ways to cook the chicken I like to eat. Pinterest? Hmmm, looking good so far. But the question still sits there - what is the point and do I really need one?

I am blogging with the desire to hear what YOU ALL have to say! Hello, anyone listening? (I know some of you are.) Tell me what you think? Is Pinterest where it's at? Is Pinterest the next BIG THING? Is it a must have, gotta, do it, social network, that an AUTHOR can utilize? More than likely I will set one up. (I give in too easily.) But if I don't find the need it might sit with no activity. IDK.

Another glance and I saw a tattoo. I like tattoos. Hmm, another plus for the Pinterest "yes" column. Question, can you tell I am a verbal processor? I am literally researching this as I write a blog!! LOL. I might even open a Pinterest as I write, but I think I lack the time. I have a long day. I will not have internet on my computer today (traveling) so it will only be on my phone. Hard to Pinterest, or anything else on my phone. I DO check e-mail, and I comment on Goodreads (sometimes) from my phone, but little else.

I see Pinterest as just ONE MORE THING to keep up with.

I have TWITTER. I have  FACEBOOK. I have GOODREADS. I have a FAN PAGE on Facebook (with 400 likes). I have a WEBSITE. And I have GOOGLE+... Do I need Pinterest?

I'll consider it.

On a different note, I got a nice review from TopTwoBottomReviews.

4.5 Kisses

My Roommate’s a Jock? Well, Crap! is my first story by author Wade Kelly and after reading this one it won’t be my last. While the main characters are similar to many others in the various geek/jock stories out there, they do have some unique qualities that help set them, and this story, apart from the others. The author did a wonderful job bringing these two men alive and in no time I found myself caring about them and could not wait to see how their story would unfold.

Cole is our geek in this story and while his many issues are serious, and challenging for those who live with similar conditions, at times Cole and his reactions had me laughing. Cole has faced the usual trauma involving jocks that most geeks do so his distrust of them is understandable. His reaction to finding out his new roommate is a jock was to be expected, but the way in which Ellis handled Cole was well done. Ellis is, of course, the jock. Unlike some of the jocks we have seen in the past, Ellis isn’t the super confident all rounded individual. He’s actually unsure of himself, which in many ways puts him on even footing with Cole.

While there is an attraction from the beginning, their relationship starts out as friendship and later builds into more. I liked watching the way their relationship shifted from one level to the other. The way in which Ellis goes out of the way trying to understand Cole, and to help him adjust to the changes occurring in his live because of Ellis’ arrival, shows the caring that exists between the two men. `

With both men being college students the majority of the secondary characters in this story are as well. While most are friends of one or the other of the men, they aren’t all good. The twist the story takes, and the effect it has on the men, especially Cole, had me worried about the way the story would end.

My Roommate’s a Jock? Well, Crap! was an entertaining story and I can’t wait to see what future stories the author has planned.

Reviewed By: Lydia

Check it out!!!


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I’m a POET, and you don’t know it.

POET? Yes, I like to fool myself and think that I am. I’m okay at it, but I don’t know that “rules” of different styles and stuff. I just wing it and try to make it sound okay.

Missing You  (from When Love IS Not Enough)
“I see the color of the sky today, 
It’s gray; all the orange has seeped away. 
The birds are hushed and the wind stilled, 
Too many sorrows leave the autumn air chilled. 
I long for a sound of joy on my open page— 
Only dry words echo across this empty stage. 
Where were your smiles among the letters? 
Did happiness become harsh fetters? 
—Or did the rain fall and steal that kiss 
Sucking the brilliance from those eyes I miss. 
The water is placid on the lake of my heart, 
Its deep chasm of imagination won’t start. 
The key in my hand, I can’t find the door, 
I close my eyes and cry loneliness once more.” 

Of Love And Sadness  (from My Roommate’s A Jock? Well, Crap!)
And what should I speak to you today,
Of paper flowers and skies of gray?
Or moon-lit nights, sitting alone,
Candles burning with no one home.
Pure sadness falls upon mine ear;
I hear it whisper, because you’re not here.
My cold tears that fall, deafen the night
In ways that can't be found in light.
The shadows cry of a love so dear
That my heart won't beat without him near.
Cupid calls, “Fear not, my friend, for love is a fire;
Which kindles, ignites, and consumes the pyre.”
Love is the flame that banishes dark,
And teaches a tune to the morning lark.
It's love that beats within my breast,
And love that gives each soul true rest.
So when my heart in sadness sighs,
I remember that love is in his brown eyes.

I have more. Will I put them into my books? IDK. Maybe.

The Intangible  (possibly in Names Can Never Hurt Me.)

There’s ‘something’ in the way you speak
Though not through words as such,
A subtle lilt within the letters
A phrase that says so much.

I can’t explain that ‘something’ there
Although I feel it every time,
It makes me smile and laugh out loud
And reply back to you in rhyme.

I love the way it makes me feel
To know, somehow, you missed me,
To ask me where I was today
That’s when the ‘something’ hits me.

That friendship sealed within my heart
Can’t deny the intangible is true,
Without need of words, or sound, or voice
I recognize that ‘something’ is just YOU.

Or maybe this one…

Love’s Sonnet   (remember that I said I don’t know “rules”.)

The intense passion that rages in these eyes
Is only comparable to a savage flame;
Blazing an errant path as it cries
For relief. It searches a torrid plane
But the deep desires only burn white-hot;
Intensified by images shared by a lascivious gaze-
Piercing my soul. A soul that forgot
That need, a need lost in a maze
Of sweltering emotion, now set free.
These ardent dreams shall soon find rest;
For in your strong arms, I shall see
The fruition of a flame of unrest.
If love can be conveyed by a look in one’s eyes,
Than passion can only be quenched by the heart in which it lies.

**What do you think? Can I pull off poetry?

So, I have been writing. I will try to get more done this morning before I get my rear-end working. (Because writing is pleasure!) I start today with a total of 43,661 words on Names Can Never Hurt Me. (NCNHM) Let us see by the end of the day how much I can accomplish! I’d like to say I am half way done, except that my books take their own route sometimes. Word-wise I have enough. If I take this X2 then 87,322 is certainly enough for a novel. I don’t want to hang on word count though. There are plenty of people that wished “Jock” was shorter because they got bored. I’d rather not repeat that. I’m trying to improve my writing, not wallow in stagnation. I want it to be an exciting experience for readers to pick up my books!! Ya know?

POV shifts? Love / Hate them? Because I have them in the WIP. Not bad. Only between two characters. (main ones) IF… still saying “if”… IF The Cost of Loving (TCOL) was out already then you’d kind-of know what I mean because I’m writing NCNHM in the same format. Most of it is in Nick’s POV and some from RC’s. This is tentative because I was considering taking out RC’s thoughts all together. I might leave you in the dark and have you discover things along with Nick. IDK.

No word on TCOL. It’s been two weeks since I sent it to the publisher. I’m on the edge of my seat!

Coming this week on Joyfully Jay, a review of My Roommate’s a Jock. ( I am anxious to read it. I hope they liked it. Hop on over and see what the reviewers said about My JOCK, and others on “JOCK week.” (Is that anything like shark week?)

Laterz ya’ll ;)

oh, and BTW, Jock is still on the bestseller list on DSP at #18, and #78 on Amazon.

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read.February 20, 2013
This review is from: My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap! (Kindle Edition)
WOW!!! This was one of the best books i have read in a while. So loving, so caring and a smile on my face through the whole book, even if a tear slid down my face I still had the smile. I am almost tempted to write the author a thank you letter. In a world of so few smiles this was like a breathe of fresh air. You have to read this.

Friday, February 22, 2013

World's Most Illiterate Writer is a "Librarian"

I HAD to use that title. It cracks me up. Someone I know called me that. "The World's Most Illiterate Writer"... LOL. LMAO. ROFL, etc... I think I need to create a T-shirt that says that. I'd wear it!

So, anyway, I am officially a "Librarian" on Goodreads. What does that mean? IDK. Now, I guess I can mess with sh** and become a like a gremlin inside the system and screw with numbers and titles and stats. Muahahahaha! I could be the evil minion that adds an exclamation point to the end of every title on Goodreads! (Of course, now, of someone does that, they will automatically blame me.) I am joking, people. What I can do now is "refresh" the stats on my books. This is the only reason I requested the status. I don't know how to be a librarian. I wouldn't know if information on other books is correct or not. I only know my own stuff. I am only interested in correcting and listing and refreshing MY OWN STUFF. So, big brother, don't blame me if exclamation marks appear willy-nilly. I was just giving a silly example.

As far as being illiterate--I totally feel like I am sometimes. I WISH I learned this in high school! I didn't. I was all MATH and SCIENCE. Crap! English is hard! HARD I tell you!! I get really confused on the same sentence structures and I don't seem to learn the correct way to write them. I also use the wrong words. And no matter how many times I ask, I can't remember how to use a whole list of things.

Examples: (Because maybe a reader out there can comment and explain the differences.)

1. Past, and passed. Like, "I walked past the building." or "He passed by me." or "I passed the note."
As I read those, it is all supposed to be "passed" isn't it?

2. Affect vs effect... One reader gave me an example, "Your book 'affected' my psyche resulting in the ill 'effect' of a book hangover." ... but how would it work in this sentence? "I had never thought about how Corey’s presence affected me." Is it used correctly there? 

3. And here is the big one and it is not about words... When the heck do you use the period outside of a quote mark? As in title of blog. I didn't use punctuation on a porpoise. World's most illiterate writer is a "librarian".  OR World's most illiterate writer is a "Librarian." Should that period (or full-stop) be inside the quotes nearly all the time, or ALL THE TIME? 

See, I'm even bad at blogging. All I do is talk to myself and ask the millions of people in the world (25 of which read this blog) how to correct my mistakes. I have the Chicago Manual of Style as a reference, but that thing is honking big. I also own Elements of Style but frankly I forget to pick it up and use it! I am a lazy sob. 

Ok, my list isn't very long. I guess I'm not that bad. Be patient with me. I'm learning. If only I could learn how to sting sentences together into a complex sentence instead of a hundred little short ones! HAHA. That would be an accomplishment. 

So, yeah, I suck. But that isn't news for some of you. 

I am writing regardless of my lack of talent. I have over 40k on Names Can Never Hurt Me. (NCNHM) This will probably be the WIP (Work In Progress) that I finish next because it is easier to write. Love, Trust, And Learning to Live Again is complicated and will take research. I AM WRITING IT!!! I am writing it this year! I hope to publish it, or at the very least submit it for publication this year! My goals are as follows:

1. Write NCNHM. I am about half way done! 

2. Figure out the status of TCOL (The Cost of Loving.) It has two fates. publish with a publisher, OR self-publish. It is under review WITH a publisher now. It is written and pretty much the way I want it. I HOPE to hear something soon. I has been 11 days since I sent it. Once I hear back from them, I WILL tell you all!!! Promise. Pros and cons: 

PRO with a Publisher is that all formats are available upon release. And more exposure. CON- Publication may not be soon, and could be later. (Because you know things take a while sometimes.) AND, I may have to use a different cover. 

PRO with self-pub is that I can get it out there faster. AND, after TCOL is on the market, I will be all ready to follow it up with the release of the third book in the same style. I have that cover, I just need to finish writing it. (And send it to my editor.) CON- it will only be available in Kindle for the first 90 days. I am going to use Create Space on Amazon and there is a contract to sign. After that, I can go with Smashwords or All ROmance eBooks to publish ePub or pdf, or print books etc. Plus, ALL marketing is up to me and I am not great at that. I depend on readers for word-of mouth. :) 

3. Once TCOL and NCNHM are off the table, I am dedicating all my time to finishing Darian's story. Love, Trust, and Learning to Live Again. Book #3 in the Unconditional Love series. This will take thought, and time, as I want it to be really really good! 

After that, who knows? I have a couple ideas in mind to write. Possibly a sequel to "Jock"? I have written a few things down for that. I also have another book in mind about Matt's brother, Steven. (He's in TCOL.) And a book about "gender". I have actually been thinking about the "gender" book idea for a year or more but had no time to write it. It involves twins, and hopefully I can be unpredictable with material that CAN BE predictable. ?? IDK

So, my fine readers, Thoughts? Feelings? Input? Comments? Feel free to express yourselves!


Monday, February 18, 2013

chillin', eating chocolate, and creating the next Wade Kelly MASTERPIECE

HAHAH! I crack myself up. Masterpiece? --NOT! Amusing, literary distraction for the masses? Yes, probably closer to the truth. Yup, you guessed it, I'm writing. Not a completely different story, or new idea, but I am going back to one of the two manuscripts I am currently working on.

Names Can Never Hurt Me. 

I've been thinking on this one for a while. As I was editing TCOL, I kept coming back to scenes for this one. It is a story about stereotyping. Kind of. And so, for the first time online, here is the blurb:

Dubbed a “player” early on in life, constant sex has never been a problem for Nick—until now.

Nick Jenkins couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t popular, when he wasn’t the best looking guy in the room, nor could he recall ever having to coax a woman into bed with him. And recently, Nick even added guys to the list of “been there—done that” when kissing Corey on a dare led to much more and on several occasions. His reputation to “screw anything” was well known, and he didn’t care. So why was the attention of someone new causing such consternation?

RC was a mystery from the moment they met. A frequent customer where Nick worked, getting to know RC was interesting, yet incremental due to the fact that he wasn’t in the “in crowd.” RC was overweight, always sweaty, and lived up to the nickname “Scruffy Dude.” Still, Nick could not let go of his deep longing for friendship, even if that friendship was with a loser.

Then, Nick finds out his new friend is gay. Will Nick look past the superficial and take hold of a connection deeper than he’s ever known before? Or will external pressures of social conformity win out—snuffing the fire before it ignites his soul.

 Thoughts? You know I love reader feedback. 

Speaking of reader feedback... Someone e-mailed to tell me they liked how the relationship between Ellis and Cole "seemed to evolve", and how I made them "earn their relationship." I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how this reader worded that. So thank you! :D 

I am working on characters for Names Can Never Hurt Me. (NCNHM) Nick and RC. Nick is a ladies man. Gorgeous (of course) and straight-ish. He doesn't think he's gay. Does that make this book a "gay for you" themed story? IDK. I am not even sure I believe in the whole "gay for you" area of the genre. BUT, I can see the appeal to the readers. One thing I know is that as a writer, you need to know your audience. (Hear me, newer writers!) You have to know to whom you are writing. Who is going to read my books. YES, I write for myself, but to sell novels you have to know who is going to read them. And I'll tell you what, there are plenty of readers who like "gay for you" style stories. Is NCNHM a "gay for you" story? I suppose it is. I wasn't really thinking that when I started it. I tend to go with a feeling in my guy and write. Nick saw Corey at a party and couldn't stop thinking about him. And the story evolved from there. I am at about 32,000 words and this one is easier to write than my other WIP. NCNHM will more than likely be the next one I complete and submit. Check my website to watch my progress ;) 

TCOL is in a holding pattern. I gave it to a publisher for her opinion. Now I'm waiting. If it is a "yay," then I'll let you know the status. If it is a "nay," then I'll be sending the MS to my graphic designer post haste so that puppy will get out there! If it was a movie, perhaps it would be in the "post-production" stage. haha. 

Book 3: Love, Trust, And Learning To Live Again (LTLTA) is also a manuscript I am working on. I have about 20k on that one. It is a harder book emotionally for me to write, plus I need to research for that one. Some subjects are not my area of expertise and I want to get information correct. BUT, both LTLTA & NCNHM are on my desktop, open, and ready to add to whenever the mood strikes. I will be tweaking my "blurb" for LTLTA a little bit before I post it. 

As far as my eating chocolate... I have a friend who gave up chocolate for Lent. Made me think about chocolate and the prospect of giving it up. I don't eat all that much chocolate anyway. I'm also not Catholic and I don't often remember when Lent it. Historically, I know it is a time period between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Right? and that traditionally people would give up something for Lent in order to concentrate on their relationship with God. Fasting and Prayer, as it were. I have never fasted. I do pray. But I have never given up something for Lent. Should I? Is that deemed more spiritual? I contemplate God often, and I don't see the point of fasting to get closer to someone I feel rather close to already. IDK. Just a passing thought. I found this awesome chocolate lava cake recipe because I was thinking about the subject of fasting and prayer.


Anyway, this is what I've been up to. If I'm quiet, it is because I am writing. I have to continue on my roll. I want to publish more this year! I NEED to publish more.

Over ad out,


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

BDSM Anthology

Hello faithful readers. I am back to announce the release of 50 Gays Of Shade, an anthology edited by Kiernan Kelly. My story for this title is called Shades of an Untamed Heart. It is about Matt and Darian!!! For avid fans of this couple, keep in mind it comes chronologically AFTER The Cost of Loving. Timing has been an issue for me, as I seriously wanted TCOL to come out last October and as we all know, it hasn't. (I will update you on the progress of that soon!) Regardless of the timing, this 3800 word short will undoubtedly prime your pumps for what comes next.

In When Love is Not Enough, we find Matt Dixon and Darian Weston clinging to one another after the death of Jimmy Miller. Yes, the "insta-love" factor was an issue for many, but I believe that The Cost of Loving will adequately explain their mutual attraction, doubts, fears, and relational issues. "Insta-love" was not intended. Sorry. As I said, TIMING!! grrr. Anyway....

50 Gays of Shade is an anthology based around a BDSM Nightclub. The book description is:

Welcome to Shady Business, the hottest gay BDSM club in town. Owned by Grey Shade, it's the place you want to be if you're into leather, whips, crops, and hot and steamy sex. 

Each story in this anthology takes the reader inside the club for a steamy, hot night filled with passion, sex, and leather. From love stories that pluck at the heartstrings with riding crops to subs masquerading as Doms, from virginal first-time forays into the scene, to tales of experienced members in the leather community, there's something for every reader here. Top or bottom, Dom or sub, every need is met, every desire filled.

At Shady Business, no good deed ever goes unpunished.
50 Gays of Shade has a story that explores Matt and Darian's kinky side. Would you like an excerpt? lol

Here you go:

Matt licked his way down Darian’s sweaty body. They’d just fucked for the third time that night, but Matt was tempted by the challenge of arousing Darian out of his sleepy state at least one more time. He swirled his tongue over Darian’s piercing. Normally he wore a hoop, but the tiny bar had been a nice change of pace. Darian liked changing jewelry and Matt liked anything that made Darian happy.

Nipping makes him happy, Matt thought. His lover’s lithe body shuttered involuntarily as Matt bit his pierced nipple zealously. Matt grinned. Darian reacted so pleasingly to pain.

“You like that?” he asked rhetorically, moving his mouth over to the other nipple.

Darian groaned and lifted his back off the bed.

Matt noticed him pull against the wrist restraints and he smirked wickedly. His little lover was trapped. He bit Darian’s ribs just below his right pectoral causing Darian to yelp. When he moved his mouth, Matt noticed teeth marks. In fact, he almost broke the skin. Is that going too far?

As Matt’s paused, Darian moaned “more” and pulled on his restraints again.

I guess not.

Matt slid his hand down between Darian’s thighs and did something daring, something he’d been dying to try but so far had not. His fingers found the hoop and tugged.

A sound came from Darian’s throat that was a mix of a pained cry and a desperate moan, “M-Matt... Ahh!” Darian gasped, spreading his legs apart and lifting his pelvis toward Matt’s hand.

“You want more?” Matt asked, knowing that Darian did, but also shocked that he reacted so strongly. He got the piercing only recently and it had just healed. Matt licked it tentatively earlier in the evening -- turned on by the guts it took to pierce his scrotum by his perineum -- but Matt hadn’t worked up the nerve to play with it yet.

He didn’t want to hurt Darian for real, only in play. Who knew Darian would respond so amiably now? He rubbed the skin around where the ring pierced Darian’s flesh, soothing it, caressing away the pain. Then, when Darian had relaxed his hips back onto the bed; Matt tugged on the gold ring again, pulling Darian’s sensitive flesh with it.

“Ahh!” Darian screamed, bucking. He threw his head back on the pillow, panting for breath.

Matt saw a tear seeping from the corner of Darian's eye. He eased off the pressure. “You want me to stop?”

“No. No more.” Darian’s eyes met his. They were hungry and glazed with lust. Matt acquiesced and Darian moaned loudly. “M-Matt, fuck me. Please. Hard.” Matt tugged again and Darian’s body quaked.

In that moment, a niggling thought bloomed in Matt’s mind. Darian and pain.  Hmm, perhaps a trip to a BDSM club would be fun? Matt nodded to himself in agreement with his inspired plan as he manhandled Darian into position, penetrating Darian's body with a powerful thrust.

Yes, this little nympho needs punishment.  Bound, controlled, punishment.

Matt fucked him hard, and delighted in every wailing sob Darian offered up.

As I am out of time, I will have to bid you farewell. I will return sometime soon with updates on TCOL and where it stands as far as publishing it. The completed Manuscript has 113k ish words. I cut about 8k. I will be working on book three!!!



Friday, February 8, 2013

XXX rated material

I’m pondering the question of X-rated material in excerpts online. (And my theory that catchy blog titles grab viewers.) What are your thoughts, readers? My quandary started over my personal feeling that I shouldn’t list an excerpt that contains sex, or sexually suggestive scenes. I don’t know if any of you remember my rant over 50 Shades of Grey (click for my blog entry on that) and the fact that any underage person who shops at Walmart could grab it off the shelf for a read. My feeling is that adult material shouldn’t be so readily available to underage kids. BUT…. I did ten minutes of research. Seems that it is easy to find explicit stuff online. Kindle on Amazon lists the “Look Inside” option on MANY books. I clicked a few to see what the content was. I started with With Caution by J.L. Langley because I have it and I know what chapter one contains. Yup, turns out you can read it right there on Amazon! So I clicked on another book. (Conveniently Amazon has the section where “readers also bought these” to browse.)
How To Save A Life – very sexually suggestive peek if you “Look Inside”.
Dirty Laundry – hahha! S E X …
Cardio Conditioning – Right to the edge of sexy stuff. It cuts off before the character’s daydream gets too far.
So if these titles have explicit content listed online, why am I so worried? IDK. Maybe I have prudish tendencies? I guess if someone is going to go looking for my books, then they know what is in them. Right? I HOPE my readers are over 18. I can’t guarantee that.

I’ve been to writer websites that have a “Enter” sign if you are over 18, and an “Exit” sign if you are underage. Is it just me, or does that seem pointless? I guess computers with a “content” restriction would weed those out. Wouldn’t they? (My computer is not “content restrictive”.) And so, if you don’t have a “blocker” on the PC/Mac then you can click “ENTER” anytime. You can surf porn, anytime. AND, you can read excerpts that contain sexual material anytime. RIGHT? So maybe I just need to get over myself and list the excerpt of The Cost of Loving without content edits. No “bleeping out” the sexual stuff like a TV commercial. (Although, commercials are getting more risqué all the time.) I’ll change my excerpt on my website soon. For now, here is the uncensored version of Chapter 1 (and the prologue) … Oh, and FYI, I am still not done rewrites. Sorry. Life stuff gets in the way. I hate that!


I feel him enter my body and everything else drains away. I’m no longer me. I become the pliable embodiment of orgasmic rapture when he sinks impossibly deep inside and touches those spots that never knew pleasure before. His titillating touch transforms me into a wanton beast of insatiable lust, and I’ve never felt as ravenous as I do in his arms.
It frightens me—this unquenchable desire. What will I become when the thunderous throws of gratification end and I’m simply left with a hollow heart?
I have no answer.

September 2010

Chapter 1

September 28, 2010

Teetering on the verge of an anxiety attack, Matthias Dixon mindlessly drove to work. His nerves were shot—not because his best friend, Jimmy, affectionately known as “Jamie”, died last week; not because he came out to his entire church congregation and faced possible excommunication; not because he feared confrontation from his family; and certainly not because he didn’t want to be gay. Matt drove to the fire station Tuesday morning practically hyperventilating and shaking in his skin because he had to step back into his everyday routine and leave one very important piece of himself at home in his bed: Darian Weston.
Matt inexplicably could not function without holding Darian.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Matt thought for the thousandth time.
He’d only just met Darian last Wednesday. Any sane person would not be attached to another person so quickly… would they? Maybe that was the reason? Matt was insane! He could believe it. It had been an extremely difficult week full of high emotion and stress. Watching Jamie’s casket lowered into the ground almost did him in. That is… until he saw Darian completely break down.
Matt had been standing there drowning in his own sorrow as the pastor spoke a few last words; but when Darian crumbled to the earth sobbing, Matt felt his inner Legolas—his champion—take over. He couldn’t let him suffer alone. He had to go to him and comfort him—protect him. Darian’s heart was broken. Jamie would want Matt to take care of him.
Matt could easily rationalize his actions with the given facts: (1) Darian was Jamie’s fiancé; (2) Jamie loved Darian; (3) Matt was Jamie’s best friend; and (4) Darian was Matt’s last physical link to Jamie. Conclusion: Matt logically needed to care for Darian.
The only complication between them was sex.
Matt had had sex with Darian. Lots of sex! Darian was like a drug, and Matt’s senses craved more with every touch. Matt knew it was wrong to swoop in on Jamie’s territory so soon after his death, but it happened accidentally. At least he kept telling himself that. The first few times could be attributed to bad judgment, but the last few… several… several several… times could not be blown-off as “accidental”. Even after Matt knew who Darian was, he still went back for more and unabashedly fucked him without restraint.
As he drove to work, Matt tried to clear his mind. Who was he kidding? He was intoxicated by a living opiate, and there was no twelve-step program to cure him.
Stained came on the radio, and Matt sang along. When the chorus played, he got the eerie impression the song was written for him. “I can’t live without, all I think about, all I want is you….”
It was all so true.
For the second time in his life, Matt’s hands shook as he turned the corner onto Main Street. At the red light, he groped under the seat for the crumpled brown bag he remembered from three weeks ago. He inhaled the stench of greasy burgers in a desperate attempt to control his breathing. When the light turned green, he flung the useless bag to the floor. He didn’t need a fucking bag! He couldn’t breathe because he missed Darian’s scent. He couldn’t think because he missed Darian’s voice. Even the steering wheel felt unbearably ridged because his fingers craved Darian’s smooth skin.
Matt always brushed his teeth after he ate, but he purposely did not after he and Darian made love before he left. Made love? Matt never thought he’d use that phrase in a million years! Except with Darian, it was way more than fucking. Matt wanted to savor Darian like a French delicacy or a fine wine. He wanted to nibble at his skin and devour his essence. Matt needed to taste Darian as long as he could throughout the morning, which is why he hadn’t brushed his teeth.
He moved his tongue around in his mouth. Matt sighed and swallowed. The taste was still there—Darian’s salty and tangy yet slightly sweet flavor lingered. Matt smiled thinking about the cum he resisted swallowing because he wanted to share the ambrosia with his lover.
Darian liked it. He actually liked it when Matt gathered Darian’s cum in his mouth and then kissed him deep and long, allowing the thick fluid to coat their kiss and saturate it until they could no longer breathe and were forced apart. He’d done it twice now, and Darian didn’t mind. Matt was ecstatic.
This was why the sex complicated matters. Matt knew he needed to comfort Darian. And they should be there to help one another get over the loss of Jamie. They’d even talked about it. Being together wasn’t supposed to be about sex, but rather about a mutual need and their link to Jamie. Only… Matt’s body conflicted with his sensibilities and wouldn’t accept that stipulation. Every time he got near Darian’s exquisite, lithe body Matt yearned to do things to it. Kinky things.
Some guys, in his experience, liked kinky sex—snowballing, chocolate and vanilla, champagne enemas, bondage, toys, and the like. Matt even participated in such behaviors before, but never had he enjoyed anything so much as he did with Darian. He liked sharing cum-filled kisses after breakfast, and he hoped that Darian would be willing to try some things with him in the future. Just the thought of kink was making Matt hard—Darian strapped in a sling, Matt fucking his mouth, stretching his lips wide, his throat swallowing Matt’s erection. Matt imagined feeling the ball of Darian’s tongue piercing, sliding along the length of his hard cock.
“Shit!” Matt exclaimed as he rounded the curve in the road and almost ran over a groundhog. He swerved to avoid the rodent and left tire marks over the double yellow.
He panted and refocused his attention on the road instead of his heated groin.
“Note to self,” he mused aloud, “do not think of Darian’s tongue while driving.”
Matt shook his head and grinned. There was no way he could go a few minutes and not think of Darian’s tongue. Or his hands, his lips, his ass…. Fuck, Matt couldn’t even keep Darian’s toes out of his mind! This morning he’d sucked them. Sucked his fucking toes! That was a first for sure. Never in his life did Matt imagine sucking on a guy’s toes and finding it erotic. But it was. Everything about Darian was erotic.
Matt’s mouth watered. He yearned to taste all of his skin, toes included. Matt wanted nothing more than to take a week off and lick Darian until his saliva glands stopped working. Except… Matt could not take more time off work. He had taken too much time off already.
Jamie was not immediate family. No matter how close they were, it was still against company policy to request time off due to a death of a close friend. Matt was obligated to work his shifts at the station, and his friends could only switch shifts so many times.
Mr. Walsh, the boss at his second job, understood, but even he could only accommodate Matt so long or business would suffer. Matt wasn’t a kid any more. Work was work, and he had responsibilities.
Matt turned the corner of the next street and pulled into the parking lot of the fire station. He turned the engine off and sat for a few minutes. Tuesday. This was his first day back to work since he openly admitted his sexual preference in church on Sunday, just two days ago. Matt ran his shaking hand over his buzzed hair. This was the moment of truth. Did gossip travel faster than smoke and fire? He was about to find out.

He stepped out of his silver Dodge Dakota and pressed the button on the key fob.
“Hey man,” Jason greeted him with a smile as he entered the side door.
At least Jason seems to be acting normal. Maybe he hasn’t heard yet?
“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your church on Sunday like I promised.” Jason explained. He’d always been a thoughtful friend, and Matt appreciated his sincerity. “My wife wanted to see our friend’s baby get baptized. We went to their church and then their house afterwards.”
“That’s cool. You didn’t miss much.” Except the part where I came out. Matt shrugged casually, masking the fact that his insides were squirming as if he’d just eaten ten, frozen burritos and then jogged all the way to work. “I’m just glad you could make it to the funeral. It means a lot.” Matt could fake nonchalance—he had years of practice. Besides, Jason’s presence really did mean a lot so it wasn’t like Matt was lying.
“Yeah, me too.” Jason nodded as he and Matt walked over to the cubbies where their gear was stowed. Jason shuffled things around as they talked. “Again, I’m sorry about Jimmy. He was a great guy. Well, I mean, he seemed to be a great guy from the few times he hung out with us. He didn’t talk about himself much. He was funny, but private. Ya know? I don’t think he ever mentioned a girlfriend either. Did he have one? I don’t remember seeing a girlfriend at the funeral.”
“No, no girlfriend.” Matt felt a cold streak shoot up his spine. He took a brand new flashlight out of the box and put the batteries in. He wished they had lockers. Lots of fire stations had lockers for the men. Things wouldn’t walk off so easily that way! But not here. The Chief was not in a hurry to replace “the system” as he referred to it. He liked everything open and quickly accessible. Plus, there wasn’t any money in the budget to revamp the place right now. In February, part of the rec-hall caught fire, and their building had to undergo major repairs. Luckily all the damage was in the rear of the building and business could go on as usual from the front. Matt’s other flashlight “magically” disappeared two weeks ago, but it gave him the excuse to order a better one. This Pelican StealthLite was pretty sweet!
As Jason tinkered with his own things, he continued the conversation with genuine interest. “And who was that guy who started bawling at the grave site? I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Me and Anna were standing in the back. She thought maybe he was a brother or something?”
Matt’s stomach flipped. Suddenly he wished he had eaten burritos for breakfast because then he would have an incontestable excuse if he ran to the toilet to heave. He knew he could lie to Jason, but what was the point? I’m the one who came out to my fucking congregation! If he was nervous about the truth, he should have guarded it more closely over the weekend. Matt tried to keep his voice steady as he responded.
“The correct phrasing is ‘Anna and I’,” he ragged. Matt knew Jason would roll his eyes—he did every time Matt corrected his grammar. He also used the opportunity to release some of his own tension; correcting Jason was fun. But his fun only lasted a second. “The guy at the funeral was…” he stammered nervously. “He was… That guy was Jamie’s boyfriend.” There, he said it! “His fiancé, actually.”
Jason’s eyes went wide. “Shit! No kiddin’? I had no idea Jimmy was gay. Damn.”
Matt didn’t know what to make of Jason’s reaction. The topic of homosexuality never came up before. Why would it? If you weren’t gay, you certainly didn’t walk around talking about it with your straight, work buddies unless it was to make fun of people who were. Matt remembered lots of times when the guys would laugh out loud at the television and mock something in a girly-voice, pretending they were one of… the gays. It aggravated Matt to no end, but he never said a word. No one ever caught on to his discomfort. The guys were absorbed in whatever sport played on the television and never noticed Matt walk away.
Things were going to change now. Matt had openly admitted his “gayness” on Sunday. It was only a matter of time before word got around to the guys at the station. Matt was positive that somebody knew somebody who knew a firefighter who knew one of the guys he worked with. Of course, work was a thirty-minute drive south from his church, but one never knew where the “church people” shopped and who their friends were and who they were going to talk to next. Matt knew word would get around sooner or later.
He couldn’t avoid talking about it now. He owed Jason the decency of being honest and not allowing him to find out second hand. They’d been friends for several years. Jason was the guy to show him the ropes when he got hired as a rookie out of the academy. Other guys weren’t so open, so friendly, especially when at least six people in this fire station were volunteers and not paid as full-time career employees. Matt, through no fault of his own, had to work hard to get past their grudges. It wasn’t his fault that he was at the top of his class and this station was looking to hire someone young. That was the way it was! Plus, not all these guys had Matt’s skill-level, even if they were older.
Jason, in contrast, knew what it was like on both sides. He started as a volunteer, learned and worked his way up. When a paid position became available, he jumped for it. And when Matt got hired right out of cadet school, Jason was there at his side mentoring him from day one. Matt knew he owed him, but should he tell Jason the truth now or wait a few days? He swallowed hard.
“So, um, Jason? Would it have mattered?” Please say no, please say no.
“Huh?” Jason looked up from relacing his boots with new laces. Jason had gone from deep interest in the conversation to complete absorption into his boots.  “Ah, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I never thought about it before.
At least he’s honest. Matt reasoned.
“I never knew someone who… well, who was gay.”
Matt sat on the bench next to him. The way Jason whispered the last word didn’t sit well with Matt’s stomach. He felt more nauseous with every passing second. Shit, he reconsidered; I can’t have this conversation now, I have to wait. He’s gonna reject me. I know it. “It’s not all that uncommon.” Matt replied in a calm, steady voice, masking his trepidation and the imminent projectile vomiting that threatened and burned his esophagus.
“Not in this county,” answered Jason. “My parents moved here because it’s ultraconservative. The state may be Democratic overall, but this county is definitely full of Republicans. I thought you told me one time your parents voted for Bush.”
“They did,” Matt confirmed. “And they weren’t overly joyful when Obama got elected.” He quickly held up his hands and added, “But not because he’s black or anything. And they fully support him now, since he’s our president.”
“Chill, Matt. I know your dad’s cool with the color of my skin. It was all in the way he shook my hand.” He slapped Matt on the back and grinned. “My daddy always told me you could tell the character of a man by the way he shakes your hand.”
Matt gave him a skeptical lift of the eyebrows. “My dad never used to be that way, believe me. I remember a time when he’d curse black people… I mean, people of color… for stealing his parking spot at the grocery store and shit like that.”
“Matt. You can say black people,” Jason winked. “It doesn’t bother me. I know I’m black.”
“I never know who I’m gonna offend.”
Jason finished the one boot and started lacing the leather thong through the first eyelet on the second. When on duty, but waiting for a call, every firefighter had to find something to do. “Not me. If anything I get irritated at people callin’ us ‘African Americans’. I don’t know about you, but I was born in America. My parents, my grandparents, heck, even my great-grandparents were born in America. In my mind, I’m American—simple as that. I don’t hear anybody calling you an Irish-American.”
Matt chuckled, “I get your point.”
“America from the beginning was a melting pot. Wasn’t it? America began as a blending of cultures over the commonality of religion. Our founding fathers fled British tyranny and pursued religious freedom. Am I wrong?”
“I guess not,” Matt answered tentatively. He’d seen Jason get fired up before and start preaching about one thing or another to the guys, but never had Matt been the recipient of such a lecture. Who knew that calling him “black” would trigger a whole speech on what it meant to be American? One thing was sure, Matt was glad the subject shifted away from Jamie’s orientation. He wanted more time to feel out Jason’s opinion on the matter before he threw him another curveball.
“Of course, I’m right. So to get back to your original question—I’m not sure how I feel about Jimmy,” Jason continued talking without shifting his concentration from the task at hand.
Matt squirmed. Leave it to Jason not to stray for long.
“To be honest, I liked him. He was funny and nice and I can’t remember him comin’ on to anybody. He acted just like everybody else.” Jason stood and arranged his boots and overalls in front of his locker. They were meant to be set-up at all times so that all each firefighter had to do was toe-off his or her normal shoes and slip inside the boots and overalls in one seamless movement when the alarm sounded.
Matt’s back went rigid. “Of course he was just like everyone else. What did you think? ‘Gay’ meant humping every guy’s leg like a horny dog at a cocktail party?” he snapped, and regretted it immediately. He could have kicked himself. If ever he was trying to be subtle and keep the focus off himself being gay, this was not the way to go about it. Jason would know for sure!
Jason tilted his head, “Testy, testy. I guess someone’s a little defensive of his best friend’s honor.”
“Sorry,” he lamented, feeling guilty for his verbal attack. But, he had been keeping his opinions on homosexuality to himself for twenty-three years; he knew he was bound to explode sooner or later now that he’d spilled the beans at church. Matt just had to try and get his point across. “I just… it’s not fair to assume people are going to act a certain way just because they prefer sleeping with someone of the same sex. It’s like people assuming you have no money because you’re black, or that Billy’s stupid because he’s from West Virginia.”
Jason stood there and stared at him. Just stared. A whimsical grin curved his face, yet he continued to stare. It was unnerving.
“What?” Matt asked. “Dude, stop staring at me like that. What’d I say?” Matt honestly did not know what Jason was thinking that made his lips lift unevenly and his eyebrows arch. Although he could guess! Matt’s knee started bouncing on its own. “Would you stop!”
Jason shook his head. “Who knew?”
Matt’s mouth went dry. “Who knew what?”
“About you.”
“About me, what?” This is it. He’s figured it out! His guts clenched, readying for the burning coals of judgment.
“That you, Matthias Dixon—the ladies’ man and all around horn-dog on the prowl for the past few years—you, have an IQ over sixty and you actually believe in something. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak your mind about prejudice before. Good for you!”
Matt breathed a sigh of relief and grumbled, “A normal IQ is between ninety and one-hundred-nine.”
Jason casually continued, “See, just another factor to add to your set of statistics. You never can tell about people. I always say that. You never know how much they earn, or where they’re from, or how smart they are based on what they’re wearin’. You have to get to know people. Just like you.” He held out his hand toward Matt, “I knew you weren’t a true sleaze ball, even if you never had a steady girlfriend. You were just biding your time. You needed to find just the right girl to make you happy. How is your little cutie-pie, anyway? What’s her name?”
“Darian.” Compulsion spilled that one.
“Darian? Well that’s an unusual name. She still rock your world? I remember last week you were dying. Something about her ‘tight little ass’.
Matt’s stomach was churning again. First it was his fear of judgment and now it was fear of saying the wrong thing to trigger the judgment. He didn’t want to talk to Jason right now about Darian, yet he had to admit the sound of Darian’s name made him tingle.
Jason teased Matt last week about being in love. Jason was a romantic at heart. Matt refuted it. It wasn’t true. Maybe. Probably. Matt was still wavering; but if he admitted his feelings to Jason, the man would gloat. It had only been six days since they met. Who fell in love in six days? It was surely more than lust, but love? The jury was still undecided.
He had to confess though; he couldn’t hear Darian’s name enough, just like he couldn’t get enough of Darian’s smooth, white skin and his voluptuous mouth. His whole body shivered thinking about Darian. Even when sex was over, and they snuggled in bed or ate a meal together, Matt found himself smiling more than he ever had. And that was saying a lot! Matt was generally a happy person. Now, with Darian in his life, he was hitting an all-time-high. Maybe it was love?
Matt was only marginally aware of his previous anxiety as he gushed, “Darian’s amazing.” His voice turned all day-dreamy. If he were outside himself right now Matt might have kicked himself for acting so lovesick. “Adorable, gentle, sweet; I can never get enough of those big brown eyes. My world is seriously rocked and flipped on end. And that body…” he sighed, his head tilting back. “Oh, God. Darian’s body molds to mine like we were made for one another. His lips taste like fresh strawberries. I can hardly—”
Right then the siren sounded long and loud.
Jason screwed up his eyes and leaned closer, “Did you just say ‘his’?”
Matt’s instinct drove him to grab his gear immediately. He wasn’t sure he heard Jason correctly. “Huh? I…,” he started to say but waved him off, grabbing his overalls after toeing-off his shoes. This wasn’t the time to clarify anything.
Men rushed about them trying to don their gear quickly. Jason followed suit. Each of them fell into the sixty-second routine they were made for. They were firefighters. Somewhere there was a fire and a medical emergency, and it was their job to be prepared and ready as fast as possible. Matt and Jason pulled on their gear and followed several others to the fire engine.


Matt was exhausted. He hadn’t worked that hard in a week. Last Thursday he had a shift before the viewing but there were no emergency calls. In theory he could have had a lot of sleep that night and every night since, but he and Darian stayed up fucking for hours. Matt chuckled. He often functioned well on no sleep when sex was the explanation.
Although, probably not tonight.
Matt’s body wanted sleep.
As he turned into the parking lot of his apartment complex, he spied Darian’s red Nissan. Relief washed over his sore muscles. Darian. Matt parked his truck and trudged across the asphalt. He was glad Darian decided to stick around. He could not recall if Darian said he had to work or not? Matt would have to get Darian to write down his schedule and where he worked. He remembered reading something about American Eagle in Jamie’s journals, but he wasn’t positive. They barely knew each other even though Matt had read all Jamie’s journals. The journals contained facts, but they were facts based on Jamie’s opinion not necessarily reality. So even if Matt knew a lot about Darian, he still didn’t know Darian. Plus, it was a lot to remember all at once. He knew he would be reading them again.
There was also brief talk yesterday about moving in together. Matt wanted Darian to stay, but it scared the piss out of him to think of the commitment involved with renting an apartment together. Right now he lived with his Aunt Peggy. She was easy to live with, mostly because she travelled for work and was rarely home. Living with Darian wouldn’t be like that. Peggy had her own room. Darian would be in his room, sharing his space. Not that Matt minded sharing his space, but the whole experience of a relationship was new and freakin’ scary! Plus, Darian was getting over the loss of his first love and fiancé. Matt wasn’t sure if and when they should move in together, or even if it was a good idea no matter how good it sounded when he brought it up.
He needed time. Did Darian want time? Matt wasn’t completely sure of Darian’s feelings either way. He seemed to care; yet so far he hadn’t said one way or another how he felt toward Matt. Darian needed him, and it was very clear he wanted him, but that felt superficial. Matt yearned for verbal confirmation.
Matt was too tired to think.

He opened the door, and all was quiet. Was Darian really still here? He shed his jacket and set his keys on the breakfast bar. On the way down the hall, he pulled off his shirt. He opened the bedroom door and saw the lump under the covers. Matt smiled. He’s still here. As terrifying as moving in together seemed seconds ago, the thought that Darian left without a word was even worse.
Matt showered and got ready for bed as quickly as he could. He wanted sleep, but couldn’t imagine finding it without spooning himself around Darian. He lifted the covers and slid in beside him. Darian was asleep on his stomach, with his hands curled up by his neck. Adorable!
Matt left the light on in the bathroom and cracked the door so he could see. He never kept a light on at night before, but now he had a reason. He loved looking at Darian! The man was beautiful when he slept and even more so when he came. Matt could imagine making love to Darian on a beach or in a sun-drenched meadow, anywhere and everywhere as long as he could look into Darian’s eyes and watch pleasure flow over his features.
A sun-drenched meadow? Fuck! Matt shook his head. There’s Jamie’s romantic influence again. Or was it Jason’s? Matt wasn’t sure which guy put more notions in his head, but he was sure they came from one of his two friends. Matt was not a romantic person in the past. He was all about the fucking and didn’t give a rat’s ass about the trick he picked up. It was always about his own orgasm.
He’d done anyone, just as long as (1) they did not live within sixty miles of his hometown, (2) they didn’t try to kiss him, (3) they were not interested in more than a one-time deal, (4) the guy didn’t ask to go to his place, (5) they agreed ahead of time to group sex or not, (6) no restraints were used without discussing safe-words and fetish preferences, and (7)….
Matt stopped midthought. He made his set of conditions or “rules” years ago, but looking at Darian he realized that none of them applied. He’d broken the first several without a second thought the day he met Darian. He wanted Darian in his bed—in his hometown. Matt already fucked… no! made love to him repeatedly and planned to be with him countless more times. And kissing Darian was heavenly. Matt threw out rule number two after the first swipe of Darian’s tongue.
Matt didn’t need rules. He needed Darian.
Matt scooted down until his body was aligned next to Darian’s, and he moved his pillow out of the way so his head was flat on the mattress beside Darian’s. He pulled the sheet back. He could hardly make out Darian’s face because his hair was covering most of it. Matt carefully smoothed it back with calloused, yet gentle fingers.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. Suddenly, rule number five popped into his mind and Matt felt a flush of anger. “No! Ain’t no way I’m gonna allow anyone else to touch you. I want this body all to myself.”
Do I have the right to say that? he wondered. Were they together? Kind of. Matt talked to Jason about the prospect of dating Darian last week, but the conversation hadn’t actually gone anywhere. Jason had even assumed Darian was a girl, and Matt felt guilty about not correcting him—but he could think about that right now. Matt needed to figure out Darian first. Was Darian his? Sex—no matter how good—did not equate to dating. Darian was in no position to make a decision until he had time to mourn. His loss was deep and painful, and Matt knew dating was the last thing on Darian’s mind. Besides, what they shared was supposed to be about comfort. Comfort. He repeated the word, trying to convince himself.
He intended to comfort Darian and desired comfort in return; but every time he got near Darian, his dick did all the talking.
“Did Jamie make love to you every night?” Asking Darian this question would only happen in his sleep. It was inappropriate. Matt gently touched the side of Darian’s face hoping he could touch him and think out loud without waking him up. “Did he watch you in your sleep? Did he touch your hair and talk to you about things he’d never have the nerve to ask when you were awake?”
Matt wasn’t sure. The journals were unclear on that point. Jamie wrote mostly about his conflicting emotions. Jamie had feelings for Darian and Matt, and he didn’t know how to handle them. That was the reason Jamie instructed Matt to burn the journals. He would… eventually. For now Matt couldn’t let them go. They were Jamie’s thoughts, no matter how hurtful or confused or damaging. Matt wanted to commit every word to memory before destroying the evidence.
Matt’s hand glided over Darian’s bare shoulder. He stirred. Matt edged closer. He felt Darian’s heat on his belly and groin. Matt touched Darian’s lower back and watched the man’s brown eyes slowly open. Matt grinned. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I couldn’t resist touching you.”
Darian smiled. His sleepy eyes blinked.
Matt leaned closer and kissed Darian’s temple. Darian sighed. Matt moved his hand over Darian’s rounded buttocks and traced his crack with his middle finger. Darian snickered.
“I really intended on sleeping,” Matt explained. “Honest. Sex was not on my mind when I slipped in bed beside you.” He pressed his erection closer. “But then this happened.”
Darian’s smile widened, and he turned his blushing face onto the sheet. He spread his legs as Matt’s finger probed deeper between his cheeks.
Matt loved Darian’s eager response. He pressed his body snugly alongside Darian’s as he whispered into his ear, “I’ll sleep better after I come. I promise.” Matt slowly climbed on top Darian’s body and grabbed a pre-lubed condom off the nightstand. He tore it open and rolled it into place while leaning his weight on one knee. Matt stuck his fingers in his mouth and coated them before reaching down to Darian’s rear. He coated Darian with saliva and pressed his fingers inside, whispering to his lover again. “Mmm, baby, I want you so bad.” He pumped him with two fingers a few times and then replaced his hand with his cock. They’d been at it so much; Matt hardly needed to prep him at all anymore.
Darian whimpered when Matt sunk inside.
Matt’s body covered Darian’s back as he moved in him slowly. He repositioned his arms over Darian’s and laced his fingers in each of Darian’s hands. His mouth found Darian’s as Darian craned his neck. Their tongues slipped and slid around each other, but Darian pulled away—moaning. Matt tucked his face in Darian’s hair close to his neck. “You feel so good, Dare.” Matt breathed his words heavily as he thrust his hips like a piston. “So good.”
“H-harder,” Darian groaned.
“No. I want it slow.”
Darian pushed his ass backwards. “More,” he demanded.
Matt responded by pressing his chest down, pinning Darian more securely to the mattress. “No. I want this to last.”
“Matt, pleeease.”
“No!” Matt asserted, squeezing Darian’s fingers tightly between his. Darian’s begging was exhilarating, but Matt was determined to hold his ground. He enjoyed feeling all of his skin touching all of Darian’s. Flesh on flesh. They spent so many nights already going at it like animals; tonight he simply wanted to envelope Darian entirely. He could feel his nipples rubbing against Darian’s back. He could feel his thighs rubbing along the insides of Darian’s. He nuzzled his face in Darian’s hair and kissed the nape of his neck. “Oh Dare... I love how you make me feel.” He tilted his hips to the side on the next plunge, and Darian’s moans went up an octave.
“Is that it, baby? Is that your spot?” He swiveled again in the same manner, and Darian cried out. Matt grinned. “Oh yeah. That’s it.” He kept hitting the same angle as he undulated, and Darian’s pleasure cries hit soprano.
Matt was spurred on to new heights of delight. Darian made him feel like a king, like a sexual god. Inside of Darian he could do no wrong. Inside of Darian, he would be content for days, weeks even. In, out, in, out. Thrusting. Diving. Plunging his manhood further into Darian’s depths. Hearing his wails of libidinous satisfaction echoing in the quiet of the night. Matt let go of Darian’s left hand and slid his arm under his chest, pulling Darian’s body tightly to him. Matt pushed his knee forward, spreading Darian’s legs wider and giving himself better leverage. He picked up his pace as he climaxed.
Darian must have come too because he was no longer wailing, he was panting. Matt rested his weight back down and squeezed his lover. “So good, Dare. So good.” He kissed his neck and licked the edge of his ear.
Reluctantly, Matt slid out and removed the condom. He dropped it over the side of the bed and made himself comfortable next to Darian.
“Can you scoot over? I’m lying in a wet spot.”
“Sure. Sorry,” Matt complied, and Darian slid over with him. Matt pulled Darian close and held him, “Is this better?”
Darian nodded. He snuggled his head in the crook of Matt’s armpit and curled both arms between his chest and Matt’s side. Darian sighed and closed his eyes.
It was the perfect end to an exhausting day. Matt smiled and hugged his beautiful lover before drifting off to sleep.

So, give me your opinions? Too much? Should I list a "content warning" before the excerpt? Should I NOT opt fot the “look inside” part of Kindle? Let me know what you think. And if you haven’t read When Love Is Not Enough, you should! Hahha. But you don’t have to. I am attempting to write this as a stand alone. WLINE will explain a lot of what is going on, but I think the content in TCOL fills in the gaps well enough.

If I don't catch you online, have a great weekend!