So of course I've cried often about Eric.
And to be clear, I hardly even know him. A few sentences here and there online, and a three minutes chat at GRL. That doesn't constitute "knowing" a person. So I guess I don't. I stalk and watch videos as many of you do. After a while you begin to feel like you know him. When I met him in real life he was the same as online--sweet, kind, quiet, and had the most beautiful smile. A smile which only got bigger and more beautiful when he was looking at TJ. You could FEEL the love between them. It was so beautiful. Everyone should be so in love.
There is not much I can do as I sit here in my house so I pray. And cry. And pray some more. It is a helpless feeling actually. I sit helplessly here wondering what I could do that is helpful. I ask others to pray. Then I noticed the online fundraiser thingy. THAT WAS AN AWESOME IDEA. (Thank you to the person who did that.) Eric and TJ have some great friends who are closer to them then a person they don't really know. (Me.) I'm more of an outsider who can spread the word about the fundraiser their friends started. I can talk. I have that gift. I talk a LOT actually. On the fundraiser website it says:
Anyone who follows the M/M genre
closely will know that one of our own is currently in the hospital in pretty
bad shape. Our group of friends immediately deployed, booking hotel rooms
pooling money to help defray the costs of hotels, food, and travel. We were
working to ensure Tj and the rest of Eric's family will be supported by keeping
one or two people at the hospital at all times for the next few days.
Additionally, we are trying to ensure Tj has a place to stay near the hospital,
as it is not in their hometown.
But we found out today his stay is
going to be a lengthy one, and we've realized it's not possible for us to
maintain this level of friendship badassery for very long, and we need to keep
his family near him to keep his spirits up and aid in his recovery. So many
people have sent messages offering to help in any way, we decided to set up a
way to do so.
Any funds you donate are appreciated. They will be helping to
defray the costs of keeping Tj and their family and friends nearby to help Tj
and Eric. Furthermore, all excess will be going directly to Eric and Tj for
their use in Eric's recovery.
Thank you all for your outpouring of love and
support. It means the world to the guys. All comments left here will be passed
along to Eric and Tj.
So I copied it here. If you want to support the cause, go HERE. (http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/eric-arvin-support-fund/116877)
For people like me, this is a tangible way to help. Or share the link. Or pray more. They live too far south for me to be "in" their lives. I can't cat-sit. I can't bring TJ dinner or lunch. But I can talk. PLEASE HELP THEM IF YOU CAN! What I suggested on Facebook was Love, hope, peace,& joy should never stop, so don't stop sharing. Give notes, give messages, give prayers, give money, give shuffle playlists, give photos of random Star Wars items (for laughs), give them your thoughts for the day. Knowing people love you and think about you really helps. It does.
Because what else does one DO?
All I know is Eric Arvin is one of the nicest people I have ever met. I often "read people" and get a sense about them. (If you've read My Roommate's a Jock that s the characteristic I wrote into Rob McAvoy's character.) When I was around Eric, I felt peaceful. He exudes peace and joy. Like I said, I am not close to him and yet I feel like crying all the time. Because of the feeling I HAVE, I can not imagine how TJ feels. So then I want to cry even more. I know if it were me in the situation I would want the suffering to be on myself. I can handle ME being ill. I can handle ME being in pain etc. But not someone I love. I don't want to WATCH someone I love suffering, or being sick, or in the hospital, or anything! I want my loved one WELL. Part of that is because I'm a controlling person. I want to be in control. When someone you love as deeply as TJ loves Eric (based on videos and watching them at GRL) is sick it takes the "control" right out of your hands. There is no control. Everything is up to someone else. Doctors, nurses, God, everyone other than you. That kind of helplessness is terrifying.
So yeah, I cry for TJ. (to whom I've talked to even less than Eric.) My heart feels for him in a different way than for Eric. I'm scared and very sad for Eric and I wish for nothing less than for him to be well again QUICKLY. I hope the doctor's here are just what he needs. Maybe in this part of the country is where he needs to be for great medical help. So I pray for a speedy recovery. I do. But for TJ, I just feel this huge desire to hug him. He's the emotional one. I often read his posts and listen to things he says online and I think how similar people we are and I guess I empathize with the waiting and wondering he might be going through. IDK. I'm emotional and often convoluted when I speak. I talk more than I should and probably say things that get me into trouble often. But right now, I am writing like a stream of conscienceness … whatever comes out. And whatever I can see to type.
Only like 20 people read my posts anyway so it's not like what I say matters. Right now I'm just sad for the friend (friends) I was just starting to get to know. They are the cutest couple ever. So yeah, please, if you can contribute, then do so. If not, send them notes or playlists or pictures etc. Little things to let them know you are thinking of them. Words matter so shower them with love.
I don't know what else to say. I'll blog again when my head clears. Too many thoughts. Too much worry. Too many tears.
WADE
THAT was heartfelt, articulate and awesome. Sometimes the best of friends are the friends you barely know, or know not at all. People who rail at FB don't seem to understand the far-reaching wonderful qualities it does have. How else would so many people be able to help this couple with warm words and help!
ReplyDeleteThe internet HAS brought me to friendships all over the world I would not have otherwise. I was so happy to go to GRL and meet people in person I had met online. That was so fun!
DeleteWade....this is beautiful. I don't know either Eric or Tj...but, like you, I watch their videos and follow them on FB...and read their books. So, yeah, I "know" them. Tj's "thank you" video...I didn't just cry; I sobbed. I wanted to just gather him up and hold him and try to take away his pain and absolute fear. I'd like to say I can't imagine the fear he's going thru...but, I can. And that makes it 10x worse. I will continue to pray, give, and share. It's Christmas...a time of miracles. This is the hope I'll hold on to.
ReplyDeleteHis thank you video I think is the essence of TJ. He is emotional and over the top in love with Eric and you can feel it in the room. I sobbed too.
DeleteLoved this post!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteThis is beautiful; it expresses very eloquently what so many of us feel. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I often worry about being alone in how I feel and express myself. I'm glad I am not alone. I just think of how TJ feels watching the man he loves and waiting without any super hero power to fix stuff. I wish I could fix it all for him.
DeleteI just loved this post.
ReplyDeletethank you. :)
Deletehugs, love this post! you've done well!
ReplyDeletethank you :)
DeleteKnow that you aren't alone. That you aren't the only one who has spent three days alternately crying and praying. I know them even less than you; a few exchanged messages here and there. But they've always been so gracious. Eric told me about his challenges on FB one night, mainly because I apparently don't understand boundries. And the night Eric went into the hospital Tj answered a message of mine, because I was afraid he was alone. Like he didn't have other people he should have been talking to. But I do know what he's going through. My husband was hospitalized for several weeks, and my mom. And you're absolutely right; watching your loved one so helpless is a hell that leaves a mark. But we're doing what we can, right? We can give, we can post, we can pray. I intend to keep doing all three.
ReplyDeleteYup, me too. Crying, praying, and I gave what I could.
DeleteYou made me cry again Wade! I think we, in our little M/M community as Erika put it, really feel like the writers are our friends. You all interact with us so openly and become part of our lives. We like you, look forward to hearing more from you, cheer you on when you have writer's block and do whatever friends do for each other.
ReplyDeleteTJ & Eric are like that to us. And in an even deeper way because we watched them meet, fall in love, live together to try each other out on a full-time basis last summer and get engaged. We love their work and we love them, the men who share their feelings with us like they consider us to be their friends. My heart is breaking for them. They know we are with them. Keep doing what you're doing Wade; putting words to the thoughts that we all have.
And I was about to say YOU CAPTURED MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!
DeleteWell I'm one of the 20 who read what you write, Wade, and you wrote it so well. I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for pouring your heart out on paper (or imaginary paper as the case may be with a blog).
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Barb
I'm glad you visit me. I like visitors :)
DeleteGreat blog post. You aren't alone with the praying and crying for these two beautiful men. We'll keep praying until Eric is back home safe and sound with TJ.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great post Wade, very emotional and heartfelt. I've been thinking a lot of TJ & Eric too. It is so incredible to see how people have rallied and showed support for them. Thank you for your words.
ReplyDeleteI am always full of emotion, it is just a meter of getting it out in a way people understand. :) Thanks Mika
Delete