So of course I've cried often about Eric.
And to be clear, I hardly even know him. A few sentences here and there online, and a three minutes chat at GRL. That doesn't constitute "knowing" a person. So I guess I don't. I stalk and watch videos as many of you do. After a while you begin to feel like you know him. When I met him in real life he was the same as online--sweet, kind, quiet, and had the most beautiful smile. A smile which only got bigger and more beautiful when he was looking at TJ. You could FEEL the love between them. It was so beautiful. Everyone should be so in love.
There is not much I can do as I sit here in my house so I pray. And cry. And pray some more. It is a helpless feeling actually. I sit helplessly here wondering what I could do that is helpful. I ask others to pray. Then I noticed the online fundraiser thingy. THAT WAS AN AWESOME IDEA. (Thank you to the person who did that.) Eric and TJ have some great friends who are closer to them then a person they don't really know. (Me.) I'm more of an outsider who can spread the word about the fundraiser their friends started. I can talk. I have that gift. I talk a LOT actually. On the fundraiser website it says:
Anyone who follows the M/M genre closely will know that one of our own is currently in the hospital in pretty bad shape. Our group of friends immediately deployed, booking hotel rooms pooling money to help defray the costs of hotels, food, and travel. We were working to ensure Tj and the rest of Eric's family will be supported by keeping one or two people at the hospital at all times for the next few days. Additionally, we are trying to ensure Tj has a place to stay near the hospital, as it is not in their hometown.
But we found out today his stay is going to be a lengthy one, and we've realized it's not possible for us to maintain this level of friendship badassery for very long, and we need to keep his family near him to keep his spirits up and aid in his recovery. So many people have sent messages offering to help in any way, we decided to set up a way to do so. Any funds you donate are appreciated. They will be helping to defray the costs of keeping Tj and their family and friends nearby to help Tj and Eric. Furthermore, all excess will be going directly to Eric and Tj for their use in Eric's recovery. Thank you all for your outpouring of love and support. It means the world to the guys. All comments left here will be passed along to Eric and Tj.
So I copied it here. If you want to support the cause, go HERE. (http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/eric-arvin-support-fund/116877)
For people like me, this is a tangible way to help. Or share the link. Or pray more. They live too far south for me to be "in" their lives. I can't cat-sit. I can't bring TJ dinner or lunch. But I can talk. PLEASE HELP THEM IF YOU CAN! What I suggested on Facebook was Love, hope, peace,& joy should never stop, so don't stop sharing. Give notes, give messages, give prayers, give money, give shuffle playlists, give photos of random Star Wars items (for laughs), give them your thoughts for the day. Knowing people love you and think about you really helps. It does.
Because what else does one DO?
All I know is Eric Arvin is one of the nicest people I have ever met. I often "read people" and get a sense about them. (If you've read My Roommate's a Jock that s the characteristic I wrote into Rob McAvoy's character.) When I was around Eric, I felt peaceful. He exudes peace and joy. Like I said, I am not close to him and yet I feel like crying all the time. Because of the feeling I HAVE, I can not imagine how TJ feels. So then I want to cry even more. I know if it were me in the situation I would want the suffering to be on myself. I can handle ME being ill. I can handle ME being in pain etc. But not someone I love. I don't want to WATCH someone I love suffering, or being sick, or in the hospital, or anything! I want my loved one WELL. Part of that is because I'm a controlling person. I want to be in control. When someone you love as deeply as TJ loves Eric (based on videos and watching them at GRL) is sick it takes the "control" right out of your hands. There is no control. Everything is up to someone else. Doctors, nurses, God, everyone other than you. That kind of helplessness is terrifying.
So yeah, I cry for TJ. (to whom I've talked to even less than Eric.) My heart feels for him in a different way than for Eric. I'm scared and very sad for Eric and I wish for nothing less than for him to be well again QUICKLY. I hope the doctor's here are just what he needs. Maybe in this part of the country is where he needs to be for great medical help. So I pray for a speedy recovery. I do. But for TJ, I just feel this huge desire to hug him. He's the emotional one. I often read his posts and listen to things he says online and I think how similar people we are and I guess I empathize with the waiting and wondering he might be going through. IDK. I'm emotional and often convoluted when I speak. I talk more than I should and probably say things that get me into trouble often. But right now, I am writing like a stream of conscienceness … whatever comes out. And whatever I can see to type.
Only like 20 people read my posts anyway so it's not like what I say matters. Right now I'm just sad for the friend (friends) I was just starting to get to know. They are the cutest couple ever. So yeah, please, if you can contribute, then do so. If not, send them notes or playlists or pictures etc. Little things to let them know you are thinking of them. Words matter so shower them with love.
I don't know what else to say. I'll blog again when my head clears. Too many thoughts. Too much worry. Too many tears.