Feeling Behind

Oh wow, okay. There's been a lot going on I guess, in life, in my head, in my world. Last week was RT Booklovers convention and although the week started out difficult for me, I think it ended on a high note. I really appreciate my friends. There are so many of you that get me and have been encouraging. I even got a text Wednesday night that made me cry and reminded me yet again why I write. I always forget and doubt myself because of others who speak into my head that I'm doing it all wrong. Some say I shouldn't write gay romance, and definitely NOT with sexual content. Well, it is what it is. I chose to do it. And when I second guess and reconsider that choice, there always seems to be a shout out or a cry in my darkness that says, "NO! Keep writing, because you made a difference in my life."

I've always said I want to bring hope to a broken world. There is too much pain out there. I feel it all the time. I write it. And yes, I chose to write gay characters because I feel like their story is the one that needs to be told. Will that change? Probably. The world is changing. Right now, it is relevant to me and I want to help make a difference in the world. I have huge dreams and  think that some people in my life can't see the good I do. All they see is what they disagree with. It hurts. But I think I have to go through the hurt to understand something bigger than myself.

I said in the last post that I think I need to see a psychologist or a therapist of some kind. I do. I found the card of the person I saw 5 years ago. I want to go back. I need someone professional who can take my fears and pain and help explain it, maybe?? It's confusing. But I know I have very few people in my everyday personal life that help ground me. All you guys online, and some in my town, are wonderful, but it still feels very lonely at home where I feel alone in a gourd of people. I am going to get help. However, I am not going to let go of my dreams because they seem to large or unattainable. I want to accomplish great things, and I am sad that others in my life don't get that and would rather I give up on everything that means so much to me.

I've also been thinking about my writing schedule and all the stories I want to write. I think I have 4 in the works and another 5 in my head???? With the roll I had in the beginning of the year, I figure that I can produce 25,000 words a months. if you take that and project out over the year, then basically it comes down to 822 words a day. 822! Oh, heck! I can do that! Of course, that is based on consistency. I had a goal of 2 novels this year. I THINK I can make that 2 full novels from scratch and maybe 2 that are either rewrites or ones that were half done already. Keep your fingers crossed for me because I think I might be moving into a realm I've never been in before--one with deadlines and expectations. I want Dreamspinner to be proud of me. I want my readers to be happy. I want ME to feel like I've accomplished more. I want to push myself to greater things. I AM a published author, which was a dream, and now I need to push for more. I CAN publish more than one novel a year. I know I can!

So, at the RT convention, I had a great time. I talked to some wonderful authors that I rarely see and I was so glad to spend time with. I also saw some fans who mean the world to me. Kayla is such a wonderful gal :) And seeing Karen again all the way from France just made me feel so special. I also met Alissa, and Wendy, and Sarah, and some romance authors whom I hope to see again. And having breakfast with Alex, Kayla, Wendy and Sarah made me smile! I think it was a good experience. I am not planning on RT 2016. For one, it is in Las Vegas and I don't really want to go there. And two, I think I need to mix things up a bit and make sure I do other conferences like Liberty States, and maybe Outlanticon, or Bent Con, or Coastal Magic. I have to look into when that are and where they are and plan. It is a lot to take in.

I WILL be at Rainbow Con in Tampa again this year, but also I don't think I will do that same one in 2016. I need to visit other areas in 2016. GRL is in San Diego this year and I WILL be there, and I PLAN on being at GRL 2016 wherever it is. I think that is the one con I want to try to hit every year. I don't know, but for now that is how I feel.

I have had a bunch of crap in my life for so long. Part of it I guess I chose to have because I refuse to stop writing what is not popular and write something that everyone will approve of. Well, I am just me. I have passion and a gift (albeit small) and I want to make a difference in people lives. I think I am. You people out there tell me that all the time. The tester person on Wednesday told me that and it was RIGHT AFTER I got a text that hurt my feelings and made me feel so small. Thank you person (you know who you are.) I need you.

Being a RAINBOW in someone's cloud is hard. But somehow, when the skies are dark and the storms of life pour down, it only takes a tiny bit of sun to hit the right molecules in the atmosphere to make them shine in all their rainbow colored brilliance. Help me shine.

I'm not sure what else there is to say except that I KNOW I forgot a LOT of birthdays lately. I'm sorry if I missed yours. My internet isn;'t always working and I've been offline often this past week. And if I write everyday in order to produce more novels, then please forgive me if I miss posts and forget your birthdays  :(

Keep your fingers crossed for me as I take another step toward being better as an author and as a person.

XOXOOXO

Brain Explosion and Information Overload… but in a good way :)

I am currently at the Dreamspinner Author Conference in Orlando and I have to say it is Excellent. Not only is it wonderful to see friends I haven’t seen in a long time, it is also great to be in the presence of other people who make me feel normal. I have found often that only other authors really get me. Other authors have an author mind and the way I think and my creativity is often lost or unappreciated by others who just don’t get it. I don’t say this to be unkind to those out there who are not authors and still get me, but as information in general because “artistic” minds are different and when you find others whose thought processes are extremely similar, it helps to feel less of a freak.

Other authors have ideas that come in spurts.

Other authors need QUIET to write.

Other authors have ideas and dialogue come out of nowhere and they often can’t write it as fast as it comes out.

Other authors write by the seat of their pants, no outline or direction.

Other authors gather ideas from every little thing they pass by.

Other authors put bits of themselves in every character.

Other authors are constantly thinking about their characters and things to write when they are not physically in front of a computer able TO write.

And many more things along those lines.

So one thing I came away with this morning was CONSISTENCY. (I have none.) I set out with a goal of writing every day. I have failed. I had a great run of 21 days and I would like to get back to that. But I NEED to be consistent at all things. This means I NEED to stick to my schedule of blogging. Even if they are short posts or a picture of something I thought about that week, I need to consistently post. So if my goal is to blog twice a week, then I better do it!

It is also important to help promote other authors. Not only is it kind, but also it is beneficial to a genre that is supposed to be a family. READERS can out read ANY author’s ability to write. Some readers read a book a day or MORE. I cannot write a book a day; neither can anyone else I would venture to say. SO banning together for support of other’s careers is essential. It is not a competition. Marketing is a group project and talking about other authors helps everyone.

It is important to find the social media platforms I like, and use them well. I don’t like Tumblr so I shouldn’t spend all my time and energy on something that doesn’t seem to help me know anyone or get them to know me. My preferences are Facebook, Blogger, & Twitter. So, I better get more consistent in using them. Google Plus, I TRY to use but don’t understand. Pinterest is interesting too but I forget to post there too. Goodreads I need to figure out.

No cross-over content. It is important to have unique content in different social media so I don’t BORE people. (Although I think I bore them already!) Different posts on Twitter than Facebook is best.

20% of my posts should be book promo, leaving 80% to be about ME and MY interests. This allows readers to connect with me as a person. This is essential. I shouldn’t be that author who only ever posts about their books and ignores the reader comments and never engages anyone on Facebook unless it is to say “Read my book.” That is kind of rude anyway.

What else… Um, I need to have an icon that represents ME and use it on ALL media. It will not be my face. I would like to contact a graphics person and show them what I have in mind and go from there. If my signature color is ORANGE, then I should use orange on all my PLACES, like blogger and my website and face book etc. I need to be CONSISTENT!

Using hashtags and retweeting and using terms that get you notices and retweeted is important to keep your name in the public eye.

So… GOALS???? (I know I always set them and then fail. ONE thing I am consistent with.)

1.     Re-establish “Friend Fridays” and give out rules and expectations that I can consistently follow. Friend Fridays were good for exposure of other authors and I feel bad that I dropped the ball. I even found a couple newer authors that I wanted to help promote so keep a look out for me on this.

2.     BLOG twice a week, PLUS Friend Fridays. Make it about me, even if I think it’s dumb because I am selling myself and my brand and my mission statement. What is that? Well, my tag line is “Real characters, raw pain, and unconditional love.” Is that a mission statement? Does that get across my desire to inspire hope and spread love and peace? Let me know your thoughts.

3.     TWEET !!!! I need to tweet and use hashtags and make my voice be heard, even if it is a silly voice.

4.     Last I want to keep the news feeds and currents events and “news” of any sort CURRENT on Amazon, and Dreamspinner and MY website. All need to be linked and current.

How and went I will get to this? Not sure. I think I need to create a spreadsheet or check list to make sure I am on track over day until it becomes a habit. One this is for sure, I need to go to bed consistently and get up around 4/4:30 every day because THAT is the time when my house is quiet and I am most productive in writing. I am a morning person. Laundry and shopping and social media needs to come AFTER I produce words on paper! (Or computer.)

Poke me and hold me to this!

Wade

#dreamer