Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Dear Stalker

Thank you for filling my life with fear, anxiety, and paranoia. Knowing SOMEONE is out there watching EVERY move I make is so comforting, you have no idea. I hope there is someone watching out for you in the very same manner. It's a feeling I can not describe.

I realize my life is pretty much out there for everyone to see. I'm an online personality. I'm an author. I'm a "celebrity" in my own right, and as such I should be expected to handle those out there who watch every move I make whether it is online, in person, about my family, about my writing, about my beliefs, etc. I SHOULD be able to handle the scrutiny and ridicule.

But then again, why SHOULD I? Because you think so? Try it yourself. Tell me who you are that you are so much better than me, that you can watch my moves and report them to others and think yourself so much more righteous and pious because at least your sins are not as bad as mine? I don't name names, but maybe I should? Judy? Drew? Bruce? Shirley? Angela? Who the fuck are you and what gives you the right to treat me in this manner? Just because the church board has seen it as their job to chastise me and sentence me doesn't mean I have rolled over and willingly given them permission to ruin my life. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!! Telling me you miss me know is too little too late. Telling me I had years to change is true. But I don't see the need when you've had YEARS TO CHANGE AS WELL. The church hasn't changed its stand. And I haven't changed my mind on why I write. I stand for gay rights. That will not change. I heard when you said it's about the sex. Okay. I also said I was willing to work with that because it was never my intention to write sex. I write stories and sex happens sometimes. The thing is, you wanted me to roll over and beg forgivness for writing the things I have. I won't. They weren't my stories. I believe they came from God because they needed to be told. They were other peoples' stories. Sex and all. They came out of no where and touched others deeper than I could have imagined. I can't write stories like that apart from God. I had purpose. Then my heart was shattered.

Every time I turn around, SOMEONE IS THERE WATCHING ME!  I chose a penname for a reason. Don't all authors? It's because it keeps my real life and my writing life separate because sometimes there are fans out there, Like some for JK Rowling as an example, who can become a little phsyco--go all "Misery" on the poor unsuspecting author. I don't have that. I have fans who want to hold me and protect me from the very people I trusted and let in. I exposed my heart and everything I had and instead of caring for my heart, those people I trusted ripped me to shreds.

My penname is Wade Kelly because I liked a show called Sliders in the 90's. Wade Wells was the female lead. A girl in second grade was named Kelly Dodd and I ALWAYS liked her name. Hence, Wade Kelly. I then trusted some of my fans and fellow writers with my real name. Kade Boehme was among the first. Why? Because I love Kade and I knew he'ed love me back and protect my heart.

I've been hurt more by the church than by any other people in the world, and they just don't stop. They stalk me. Dear Stalker, do you have any idea how that feels? I wrote a fucking book! (Or maybe a few) and no one leaves me alone because of it. It's this how it feels to be one of the marginalized? This has to be how it feels to be gay and hated by the church. (And I in no way mean to belittle the LGBTQ people. I'm writing to my stalkers.) I'm being crushed in spirit, the same way fists break bone when someone corners you in an alley. I have no way out because the silent stalkers can watch from their hiding place and I don't see them.

My name is Gina Adams. I live in Westminster and that's why most of my books are set here. Westminster is what I know. I don't hide or purpose. I chose a penname because I thought that's what people did. Some authors in my genre (Men and women) do because their writing is seen as an abomination to others. They want to protect themselves. I know this well. Why is it so wrong to try and protect yourself and your identity? I tried, but I trusted the wrong people and now I suffer the consequences. I'm watched all the time from faceless zealots.

I know who I am. I know how God views me. My beliefs are MINE. I believe Jesus died for my sins. Isn't that the whole point of the bible?

Another part references "shaking off the sand from your sandals." Please do that. Throw your stones. Get it over with and move on.

I don't know what else to say. Leave me alone. Let me take refuge with people who want to protect me the same way I would for them. Maybe you think you're being a good friend, but not if you are crushing my soul. I'll have nothing left.

Dear stalker, be careful what you do to another person's soul. Is pushing me to insanity worth it? Is that what Jesus would do?

Thanks for my heartache. I wonder how you treat the other people in your life?

~Wade / Gina

17 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you have to suffer this kind of treatment from people who should probably know better. Hugs.

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  2. Hey Wade. First and foremost... I love you. I would be giving you massive squishy hugs if you we're in front of me. We have met. And talked. And laughed. And hugged. And I love you. I didn't know your real name then and you didn't have to share it now. As far as I am concerned a name is secondary to the love and warmth I feel whenever we speak.
    As for the church... I have my own beliefs that I never share because religion to me is personal. It should never matter what you do in this world... If your faith is your own you do with it as you will. I have always liked going into churches... Honestly.. Not because I nessasarily believe in anything they say... Afterall I feel like if I am ln the bathroom and I want to have a conversation with God then you bet your ass that is where I will talk. I go to churches mainly to see the beauty of the buildings. I will never talk down to you because of anything you believe in... Religion or otherwise.
    No one should be prosecuted or made to feel small because of their job. Aside for the fact that I am a married woman with children I adore your books. (As you know) I don't give a fuck who likes it or who does not. It is no ones business what I read or how you write. (Even if your profound words always leave me sobbing the ugly tears or giggling like a loon)
    For your sake I hope whomever leaves you the he'll alone... And if they don't just tell them to fuck off. Again... I love you... Always and forever. No matter what. Unconditionally.

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    1. Thank you Teri! <3 you! I will continue to write books JUST so I can make you cry! LOL

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  3. **Hugs** I am *so* sorry you've had to endure this. No one has the right to make another human being (let alone such a wonderful woman!) feel like these people have made you feel. That isn't what Christianity is supposed to be about and it isn't what a church is supposed to do to it's people. I can't understand why they don't get that.

    But you are amazing and beautiful inside and out. I hope your stalker/s see you post and get the hint to back the fuck off.

    *hugs*
    Helen

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  4. I'm so so SO sorry, I am crying for you. Love and hugs from Spain, from someone who read your books and was touched by your stories and your writing, and after knowing you at facebook, by your kindness.

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    1. I hope one day I get to come to Spain! I would love to hug you in person!!! <3

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  5. Wade,
    You are one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life. It is a pleasure and a joy to know you. You make my heart smile. Your books give me happiness.

    You actually walk the talk of a good Christian. You promote love & equality with every word you write. Of course there's sex in your books that's part of a loving & happy relationship. (Thumbs up for God for thinking orgasm is a great way to celebrate love >> cause it is. There's no shame in sex only in people thinking they should pass judgment on you because they are not worthy to do so).

    It breaks my heart mere mortals think God gave you the gift of stories for them to try and silence you. He gave you the gift of words to touch people's souls and allow them to believe in happily ever afters.

    Just know you give Christianity a good name (these other people are the ones that reinforce my negative beliefs). Please don't let anything dim your loving spirit or silence your words.

    Many hugs & much love,
    Z. Allora

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    1. Z, you know how I feel about you! I love you. The world would not be the same with out your love and hugs.

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  6. Wade, rarely do we get to meet people that touch our lives the way you have touched mine and many others. You are so loved.
    I can't begin to understand why people think they have the right to watch your every move. I do know this, that's not what God intended. He wants us to love each other, not spy and tattle. I believe that when reckoning time comes, they'll have to answer for the way they've treated you and others. Because you can bet if they are like this with you, there are others who are also suffering their piousness righteousness.
    I adore you, Wade. I pray for strength for you. You do not deserve this.

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  7. I am so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve this kind of crap. Nobody does. Please know that there are those of us out here who do care about you and who don't believe in hatred for any reason. Hugs.

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  8. Dude, I love you very much and I am so bummed out that you are having to go through this. You do not deserve to be treated this way! Nobody does.
    xxxooo

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  9. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Every time I see one of your posts on this subject I sit here and wonder, do the people doing this not have anything better to do with their lives than harass a kind woman? Are they jealous they can't write books? I don't know what church you belong to that feels this is necessary and acceptable behavior, but sheesh from the outside looking in they feel like some sort of terrorist cult. People that feel the need to dictate how others live their lives anger me to no end.

    Hugs

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    1. It's been crappy, but I need to move on! I was venting because Im tired of keeping it all inside. And no, I guess they have nothing better to do! HUGS.

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