I have to say, I apologize to all those people out there who actually DO read my blog and wonder what is going on with me when I am MIA. I guess it just doesn’t register in my pinball machine brain that there ARE people who care, people who WANT TO KNOW about me. Rainbow Con that I attended the previous week/weekend was slightly eye opening, as there were people who knew who I was! Or, at the very least, people who said, “YOU’RE Wade Kelly? I’m so excited to meet you!” There were people who read my books already, yet wanted to buy a paperback anyway because they wanted it signed. SIGNED? Wow. Way cool.
This is not my first experience with this, as my virgin “signing” was at GRL last fall, but the flattery in autographing a book is still bewildering. (Does that make sense?) It blows my mind that people want to meet me and want my autograph. So to all you out there, a HUGE THANK YOU! You kindness and encouragement and support is greatly appreciated.
And then there are those who e-mail me. I LOVE e-mails from readers. Authors really cannot get enough. (Well, probably. I don’t talk to may authors about their fan mail.) I know that for me, I always doubt myself. I doubt my abilities, I doubt my voice, I doubt my stories, I have had a hard time in the last few years believing that people LIKE what I write. WHY? I think it goes back to the people that hurt me in 2010. When beaten down, told to “stop writing,” and ridiculed for trying to be myself, I think my soul and spirit got injured. I was told so many times that I was unacceptable.
Four years later I am a different person, yet the doubt still lingers. I see others whose careers in writing have shot off to great heights where mine is still climbing slowly and I guess it is discouraging. I wish I could write faster. But then there are those moments when someone tells me, “Take as long as you want to write the next one. I’ll wait. I’d rather have quality than for you to rush.” Or “I love your writing. I’ll wait however long it takes.” Or being told I have a “fresh voice” in the industry.
I like that. “A fresh voice.” I have always been different. I think that’s why the church I was forced out of disliked me because I think differently. I challenge the norms. I don’t like going with the flow all the time. My fortune last night (we ate Chinese food) was “Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.” Oh my gosh, it couldn’t be more true. I WANT that. I have gotten so bold in the last few years. In 2010 I completely shut myself off! Monika has told me several times how much progress I’ve made in coming out of my shell. Truth is, the “shell” wasn’t natural. It was a knee-jerk response to emotional attack. To protect myself, I crawled inside and hid who I was. Isn’t it like that for many?
If you are not able to be YOU because of judgment, ridicule, or harassment, then it becomes second nature to hide. I don’t want to live like that! LIFE IS A BOLD ADVENTURE! This is what I want to embrace: LIFE.
How does that translate into my writing? IDK. What I DO know is that I continue to doubt my abilities. Mainly because I still only have the three books to base my talent on and two of them are not huge sellers. They don’t have to be, I’m simply saying that it is hard to believe people like my writing when 2/3 of my stuff is a hard sell. But new stuff is on the horizon!
Names Can Never Hurt Me…. Will readers like it? I don’t know. Seriously, I don’t know. As I went through edits the past week I saw things that maybe just might make readers scream at the pages. You might want to throw the book. You might want to burn it. You might e-mail me and tell me I am an awful person for writing such hateful crap. OR…. Or you might pause to consider the words, and the concepts. You might tear-up and feel for the characters. You might laugh. I do not write normal m4m romance. I’m not normal, period. But I write from my heart. I want to create something people can relate to. I want people to identify with my characters. So if you do, please let me know. Some people connect with Cole and Ellis, but really don’t like Matt, Jimmy and Darian. I hope you will love Nick and RC. Stick with Nick. He can be an ass, but he matures, I promise.
And if you have a favorite book or author, e-mail them! We love your thoughts. We are artists. And often artists go unappreciated or unnoticed. The nature of writing is to expose my (our) heart and soul to a virtual audience and hope to make someone pause to take notice. Like a violinist in the subway. He plays, but will someone stop and drop some coins in the case, or simply pass by? Do pause for me, linger, and drop a coin in the form of a note or comment.
Thank you again to all you wonderful people who have in the past messaged me, and the recent ones who have sent a note. I need it. Self-doubt is hard to combat alone.
And as far as Rainbow Con… It was wonderful. I met some great people and I reconnected with old friends. I will most likely be there next year. It is in July. I would encourage all of you to consider going. There were way more authors than readers for sure. OR, consider attending GRL in October 2015. Plan for it. Save for it. GRL for 2014 is sold out, but if you plan ahead you can jump on to sign up in March next year. It is huge and not just for authors. I am looking forward to meeting new people. AND READERS, not just authors. I know that Paul (met on GR and FB) is going to be there and I am excited about that!
That is all for now. I’ll write again, I will make the time!