I have to say, I apologize to all those people out there who
actually DO read my blog and wonder what is going on with me when I am MIA. I
guess it just doesn’t register in my pinball machine brain that there ARE
people who care, people who WANT TO KNOW about me. Rainbow Con that I attended
the previous week/weekend was slightly eye opening, as there were people who
knew who I was! Or, at the very least, people who said, “YOU’RE Wade Kelly? I’m
so excited to meet you!” There were people who read my books already, yet
wanted to buy a paperback anyway because they wanted it signed. SIGNED? Wow.
Way cool.
This is not my first experience with this, as my virgin
“signing” was at GRL last fall, but the flattery in autographing a book is
still bewildering. (Does that make sense?) It blows my mind that people want to
meet me and want my autograph. So to all you out there, a HUGE THANK YOU! You
kindness and encouragement and support is greatly appreciated.
And then there are those who e-mail me. I LOVE e-mails from
readers. Authors really cannot get enough. (Well, probably. I don’t talk to may
authors about their fan mail.) I know that for me, I always doubt myself. I
doubt my abilities, I doubt my voice, I doubt my stories, I have had a hard
time in the last few years believing that people LIKE what I write. WHY? I
think it goes back to the people that hurt me in 2010. When beaten down, told
to “stop writing,” and ridiculed for trying to be myself, I think my soul and
spirit got injured. I was told so many times that I was unacceptable.
Four years later I am a different person, yet the doubt
still lingers. I see others whose careers in writing have shot off to great
heights where mine is still climbing slowly and I guess it is discouraging. I
wish I could write faster. But then there are those moments when someone tells
me, “Take as long as you want to write the next one. I’ll wait. I’d rather have
quality than for you to rush.” Or “I love your writing. I’ll wait however long
it takes.” Or being told I have a “fresh voice” in the industry.
I like that. “A fresh voice.” I have always been different.
I think that’s why the church I was forced out of disliked me because I think
differently. I challenge the norms. I don’t like going with the flow all the
time. My fortune last night (we ate Chinese food) was “Life to you is a dashing
and bold adventure.” Oh my gosh, it couldn’t be more true. I WANT that. I have
gotten so bold in the last few years. In 2010 I completely shut myself off!
Monika has told me several times how much progress I’ve made in coming out of
my shell. Truth is, the “shell” wasn’t natural. It was a knee-jerk response to
emotional attack. To protect myself, I crawled inside and hid who I was. Isn’t
it like that for many?
If you are not able to be YOU because of judgment, ridicule,
or harassment, then it becomes second nature to hide. I don’t want to live like
that! LIFE IS A BOLD ADVENTURE! This is what I want to embrace: LIFE.
How does that translate into my writing? IDK. What I DO know
is that I continue to doubt my abilities. Mainly because I still only have the
three books to base my talent on and two of them are not huge sellers. They
don’t have to be, I’m simply saying that it is hard to believe people like my
writing when 2/3 of my stuff is a hard sell. But new stuff is on the horizon!
Names Can Never Hurt Me…. Will readers like it? I don’t
know. Seriously, I don’t know. As I went through edits the past week I saw
things that maybe just might make readers scream at the pages. You might want
to throw the book. You might want to burn it. You might e-mail me and tell me I
am an awful person for writing such hateful crap. OR…. Or you might pause to
consider the words, and the concepts. You might tear-up and feel for the characters.
You might laugh. I do not write normal m4m romance. I’m not normal, period. But
I write from my heart. I want to create something people can relate to. I want
people to identify with my characters. So if you do, please let me know. Some
people connect with Cole and Ellis, but really don’t like Matt, Jimmy and
Darian. I hope you will love Nick and RC. Stick with Nick. He can be an ass,
but he matures, I promise.
And if you have a favorite book or author, e-mail them! We
love your thoughts. We are artists. And often artists go unappreciated or
unnoticed. The nature of writing is to expose my (our) heart and soul to a
virtual audience and hope to make someone pause to take notice. Like a
violinist in the subway. He plays, but will someone stop and drop some coins in
the case, or simply pass by? Do pause for me, linger, and drop a coin in the
form of a note or comment.
Thank you again to all you wonderful people who have in the
past messaged me, and the recent ones who have sent a note. I need it. Self-doubt
is hard to combat alone.
And as far as Rainbow Con… It was wonderful. I met some
great people and I reconnected with old friends. I will most likely be there
next year. It is in July. I would encourage all of you to consider going. There
were way more authors than readers for sure. OR, consider attending GRL in
October 2015. Plan for it. Save for it. GRL for 2014 is sold out, but if you
plan ahead you can jump on to sign up in March next year. It is huge and not
just for authors. I am looking forward to meeting new people. AND READERS, not
just authors. I know that Paul (met on GR and FB) is going to be there and I am
excited about that!
That is all for now. I’ll write again, I will make the time!
I am so proud of the progress you have made. You are strong and braver than you realize. I am in the camp that KNOWS your work is worth the wait and will wait (sometimes not patiently, but that's my flaw, not yours) as long as it takes for a new book from your sublimely talented fingers. Publishers don't always know what readers will like best. Gasp! I said it. They release tons of books that perform poorly. So don't let their ambivalence define you. You have a loyal fan base, that is what should make you secure in the knowledge that anything you publish, we will read. You are loved. Now stop crying!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tina! I didn't actually cry, but I was feeling sappy. :p
DeleteI have to remember I am making "my own brand." >> The WADE KELLY SPECIAL! << lol I have my own voice and readers will come knowing what to expect, right? Tears, laughter, angst, pain, love, healing…. idk. I guess sometimes it is easy to lose sight of what I offer when success isn't quickly had. Does tat make sense? Others write faster. Others write more "acceptable" material. Other grow in popularity more rapidly. Getting the fire going is difficult. I guess I lose hope. BUT THEN… I get these awesome e-mails and messages and comments that remind me WHY I write int he first place. I am writing to make a difference, one reader at a time. And I guess one reader at a time will take a while. The world id HUGE! Just don't let go of my hand as I walk, okay?
I'll never let go! My pom-poms will be in the other hand too wave around and cheer you on!
DeleteI need you!
DeleteI really enjoy meeting the authors of the books I enjoy reading. And oddly enough, I doubt John Grisham will ever be among those I meet. But folks like you and Madison and Mia and Cody...you enhance my reading because I get to know the people who wrote these wonderful books.
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing, please keep blogging, please keep being a friend!
Peace <3
Jay
Thank you Jay. I DID tear up reading your comment :) I will do as asked :)
Delete