Personal Fears

I've been slacking… sorry. I can not believe that Rainbow Con on next week. Holy moly! Time flies quickly when you are busy! I had an awesome time at The Rainbow Book Fair and talked to a man about advertising. I don't normally do anything because it is so expensive. I thought, "I like this guy. I'll give it a shot." It is with the Gay & Lesbian Review. I tend to be different that think different, so I might as well go with a magazine. That's different, right? Hit a different crowd. IDK. If you are reading this then you already know who I am. I need to reach people outside this circle. How to do that? Try a different market. But then I have to design an ad. HAHAHA. Yeah, I'm so good at that. We'll see.

Rainbow Con starts next Thursday in Tampa. I am leaving here Tuesday morning and driving down. By myself. Pray I make it safely. I will be listening to Widdershins by Jordan L. Hawk on the way. That should be fun. Then I can review it ;) I am starting to feel nervous as I am not clear on the procedures for this event. Like, for example, I have been to NY before. I have seen and been around the RBF. I know it is one day. I go in at 10ish, I set up, I wait for it to open to the public, I talk to people, it is done, I close up and go home. Easy. Well…. This is 4 days. Do I set up a table and leave it? Leave my books on it? And if I am not standing by a table, then what do I do? I am on a panel Saturday and Sunday, and Q&A on Thursday, and a reading on Friday. What do I do the other times? Am I free to wander and mingle? Sit in on other panels? I think so, but it is the uncertainty of never having done it before that makes me nervous. Talking in front of people? Whatever. I do it all the time. I may never have sat on a panel discussion about a specific topic, but I have no problem talking to people. I fear being wrong. I fear being verbally attacked. I fear being judged poorly for my opinion. These are real fears I deal with every day. So going to Rainbow Con the fears don't stay here in Maryland. The fears go with me.

However, I know many of the people there. I have met them. I have hugged them. People like Jeff Adams, and Kade Boehme. People like Piper Vaughn, Shira Anthony, Rhys Ford, Sara York, K-Lee Kline, Jordan L. Hawk, and Andrew Grey. I have met these people and they made me feel happy and safe. So I have to throw away my personal fears knowing that even if I fail, there are people there who will still give me a warm smile and a hug. And if I need to cry, I am sure there will be someone to cry with me :D

And then there are other people attending who are not on the "attending authors list" whom I already know too. Greg Payne! Michael Chulsky. Monika V. I can't think of more off the top of my head, but I know others have told me they would see me in FL. This will be a fine and grand adventure. What makes me sad is being away from my family that long. I have never been away from all of them for a week. Will they feed the animals? I better not come home to a dead hamster and dehydrated dogs.

I also get to read for 15 minutes. hmmm. This is a fun dilemma to have--What to pick? I read out of JOCK in RBF for 4 minutes. I think I could safely read the same bit. Jeff Adams is the only one who heard it read in NY. I think he'll be fine with it. Then I was thinking of reading from WLINE. But also possibly my up-coming release Names Can Never Hurt Me. I randomly read chapter 12 yesterday and I was like, "Wow, I really like that." It made me chuckle, and it made me teary. But I would have to time a whole chapter to figure out if it is possible. What do you all think? Is it too early to promote a release that is coming in July? I SHOULD have the cover this week and I will have it displayed in FL. I am not showing it online (FB) yet. Florida conference goers get the first glimpse. I have released excerpts from NAMES before. I think I ran the prologue through chapter 3. Maybe. I will probably do it again. It is a long book. My guess is 385 pages. IDK. I'm just throwing that out there based on the page count vs length of other manuscripts. We'll see. But I can probably tease the audience with parts of NAMES because even if I read from chapter 12, that is in the first third of the book. Although…. I might offend people. My character Nick is pretty stupid. By the time chapter 12 comes around you know this as a reader. And you have seen him interact with some of the characters in chapter 12. But if I stir the audience to anger or something that strong, is that good? It is called NAMES CAN NEVER HURT ME. It is about labels, and slurs, and hurtful words. (But in a lighthearted, happy-ending sort of way. Wade Kelly Style!)

I guess my task today is reading out loud and timing myself. I also need to think up a quick bio/introduction for myself when I stand up in front of people. Oh wow. Greg, Michael, Monika, I will need your support!!

I was driving much this week already and thinking of more scenes to write. My characters as yapping away at me if I ever get to type it all out.

I guess that is all for now. Short and sweet. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Wade