Monday, February 29, 2016

Blog Tour and Prizes

For my up-coming release Bankers' Hours, I have a blog tour planned out. (Set up mainly by Dreamspinner Press.) During the tour, I will be collecting the names of all those who comment because I will draw THREE of these names for $10 Amazon Gift Cards. ALSO, for those who comment on every stop in the tour, they will be put into a drawing for a GRAND PRIZE.

Here are the stops:
February 24 – Prism Book Alliance  - Why Pink & Cover reveal
March 18 - MM Good Book ReviewsInterview with Grant Adams, the Main Character in Bankers’ Hours
March 22 - Long and Short Reviews - Interview with Tristan Carr, the Love Interest in Bankers’ Hours
March 23 - My Fiction Nook Interview with Claire, the teenage daughter
March 24 - Oh My Shelves - Where my Characters come from part 1
March 25 - Divine Magazine - Where my characters come from part 2
March 25 - Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words - Author interview
March 28 - Love Bytes - still thinking on a topic
March 29 - Gay Book Reviews - My favorite things
March 30 - The Novel Approach - Reader Questions

These are the prizes:

* 3 winners of a $10 Amazon gift certificate to be announced when the tour ends! 

Grand Prize PACK:
1.  An eBook from my backlist of your choice, OR the next book I publish this year. (*Excluding Bankers’ Hours) 
2.  A $10 Amazon gift certificate,
3.  A Wade Kelly Spoon in the colors of your choice 
4 .  One autographed paperback copy of the novel of their choice, OR the next book I publish this year. (*Excluding Bankers’ Hours)
5 .  A special Promo Code for you to download a copy of the audiobook: Misplaced Affection

Leave a comment on the various blogs to enter.

Note: I am willing to mail things to other countries so don’t let that stop you! Please, post on ALL the posts. I had fun with this last time. J

NOTE: for the last stop, I need some questions to answer. Is there ANYTHING you've been wondering or dying to know about ME or my writing? Those questions can be asked in comments on MY blog, or Goodreads, or in PM. (

Friday, February 26, 2016

Cover for Bankers' Hours!!! :)

Finally, I can show you all the cover for Bankers' Hours!! I've been waiting. By now, you should all know the book will release on March 25, 2016, from Dreamspinner Press. I am very excited about it. Bankers' Hours is a very cute and quirky story about a very persnickety bank teller who falls for a local, ex-navy, auto mechanic.

I talk about this cover on Prism Book Alliance.

This was fun to write and I hope you all find it fun to read :)

Even though bankers' hours leave long weekends for romance, cosmic intervention is Grant’s only option when money doesn’t buy happiness and he’s got virginity in spades.
Grant Adams is a twenty-six-year-old bank teller who’s unlucky at love, yet hopelessly hopeful. After years of horrific first dates, he’s convinced he’s saving himself for true love. Surely he has bad taste in men because it couldn’t possibly be his persnickety nature that’s sent them packing.

Tristan Carr has been in a holding pattern since his daughter was born fifteen years ago, which suits his workaholic lifestyle just fine. This ex-Navy turned auto mechanic never wanted anyone interfering with being a weekend dad. For Tristan to rearrange his perfectly orchestrated life, a guy will need to be special. Or in the case of the newest employee at his bank, the guy will need to be adorable, shy, and open to the prospect of forever when it shows up at his window.

*did you notice the ring on my name :) I came up with that idea! heehee

If you want to enter to win some prizes, hop over to Prism Book Alliance to comment :)

You can PRE-ORDER my book HERE.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Cover Reveal for Bankers' Hours

My cover reveal is over at Prism Alliance today!

This is the start of a blog tour that ends March 30th!

February 24 – Prism Book Alliance  - Why Pink & Cover reveal
March 18 - MM Good Book Reviews - Interview with Grant Adams, the Main Character in Bankers’ Hours
March 22 - Long and Short Reviews - Interview with Tristan Carr, the Love Interest in Bankers’ Hours
March 23 - My Fiction Nook - Interview with Claire Carr, the teenage daughter
March 24 - Oh My Shelves  - Where my characters come from Part I
March 25 - Divine Magazine  - Where my characters come from Part II
March 25 - Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words  - Author interview
March 28 - Love Bytes - (Still thinking on a post)
March 29 - Gay Book Reviews  - My favorite things
March 30 - The Novel Approach (Still thinking on a post)

What I could do, is answer reader question in one of these last two posts I'm trying to sort out. If you have ANY questions, please post them to me here, or email me!    I need about 10 questions :)

With this blog tour, there will be prizes! Here is what you can expect:

I have several giveaways. Leave a comment on the DIFFERENT BLOGS for a chance to win an Amazon gift certificate. I am going to take ALL the names, from all the comments, from all the blog stops, and put them in a drawing. I have 10 stops including the cover reveal on Prism Book Alliance. The more comments you make then higher your chances of winning. I will have 3 winners of a $10 Amazon gift certificate to be announced when the tour ends! Additionally, for those who comment on ALL 10 STOPS, I will enter each of them into a grand prize drawing good for:

1 An eBook from my backlist of your choice, OR the next book I publish this year. (*Excluding Bankers’ Hours)
2 A $10 Amazon gift certificate,
3 A Wade Kelly Spoon in the colors of your choice , and
4  One autographed paperback copy of the novel of their choice, OR the next book I publish this year. (*Excluding Bankers’ Hours)
5   A special Promo Code for you to download a copy of the audiobook: Misplaced Affection

Note: I am willing to mail things to other countries so don’t let that stop you! Please, post on ALL the posts. I had fun with this last time. J

So, please, stop by EACH of these blog posts and enter to win by commenting! I'll try to list the links here on my blog in case you need direction to find them :) Thanks for stopping by!

For PRE-Order, here are the links I have at Dreamspinner: 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

32,000 Words Behind

Hello, my people.

As the title suggests I am behind my word-count goal. The intelligent question for me to ask is, "Was the goal realistic?" To that, I would have to say, "Probably not." Regardless, I desired to have about 35k at the moment on JOCK 4. I do not. I have 3,600 words. So sad. This means I am 32k behind. I am somewhat discouraged in this, but I am trying hard to see the positives. Lately, I have been in the habit of writing. I say habit, but maybe it hasn't developed that far yet. I have been writing every day in 2016 so far! That is 40 days counting today. THIS is excellent! I am not sure what my longest streak was writing wise, but I think this is a good start at a better streak if I haven't passed it already.

In the past, I'd go in spurts. I'd write, write, write, and then stop for days on end and think, "When did I write last?" only to find out it was two months ago! I don't want that to happen this year. I can see this as a very strong reason I had many years where I'd write only one book a year because I would have too many months where I wrote nothing at all! Not writing is the fastest way NOT to finish a book!

In 2015, there was a long stretch of time where I got up at 4:30/5 a.m. and wrote before anything else and I got so much written! It was amazing. I DID take time off in the middle here and there, but I believe this is how Bankers' Hours got written so fast. I wrote ALMOST every day, and I wrote in the morning. I am a morning person. My mind works more sharply in the early hours. I SERIOUSLY like to hear nothing but silence in the morning because my mind is going too fast. This is why when the kids are home, or the husband, that it's too difficult to write because they make too much noise. Right now, the snow is falling outside and everyone is still asleep. I have coffee and my dog at my side. I can watch the snow fall and think about what I want to say. This is what I need every morning. However, to get this NOW every day, I would have to get up at 4:00 a.m. In order to get up that early, I'd have to go to bed at 8/9. I have not been able to get to bed early enough. Everyone here is awake at night. I have to take my kids to dance and youth group, somehow the hours get sucked away and I'm too tired to get up at 4. I haven't yet.

This has resulted in writing later int he day. Later is fine is I have nothing else to do, but I am trying to balance two full-time jobs. I am a mom and a writer. Other mom's do this! I can too. I just figuring out how!

So, I started my year with the desire to write EVERY DAY! I have too. I think building that consistency into my everyday mindset will help me structure my subconscious to expect it, and maybe crave it. I already crave writing, but I need it to be something that happens much like eating, breathing, or going to the bathroom. These are things I just do! I don;t have to schedule them in. (Well, maybe the eating has to be scheduled because I have forgotten to eat before.) My point is, writing needs to be something I automatically do. I'm hoping once it is such an ingrained habit I don;t have to think about it, that the word-count will follow.

Being behind by 32k can be depressing if I see it that way. Some of those days I "wrote" something it was only a few sentences. What I'm trying to get my mind to realize is that it is a few sentences more than those months in the past whereI wrote NOTHING! I may only have 3600 words right now in this one book, but what if this was 2 years ago when I took a couple months off by accident? I would not have the 3600 words!!!! So, that said, I am happy I have been writing every day, even though my life seems crazy and it is difficult to focus most of the time. I have been pushing myself to write!

A side note: I also wrote here and there on other books of mine so I have written more than 3600 words this year. HAHAHA. I finished JOCK 3 in January and edited it; therefore, added words. I also wrote some bits in How I Became A Groupie. This is my "rocker" book, which I hope you will love. The characters popped into my head, so I went with it!

I have MANY characters in my head. I need to write them when they are talking instead of ignoring them.

This is a snow day in Maryland. The kids are off school today. No quiet here. :p However, I do plan to write! They just need to go outside in the snow. LOL

I guess that's all for now. I have a couple interviews coming up. One on GGR-Review with Scott Burkett and the other on Twinsie Talk M/M books reviews. I'll keep you updated as to how things are going.

Hugs and kisses,


And I updated my scale for 2016 to include the books that should come out this year, as well as the ones I should be writing this year.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Announcing The Release Date WINNER!

I had a little "contest" up for readers to guess WHEN THE RELEASE DATE OF BANKERS' HOURS might be. Well, the answer is March 25, 2016.

The WINNER with the closest guess is Paul D. Congrats, I'll send you a copy of Bankers' Hours when it comes out!

I will not reveal the cover yet because I'm scheduled to do a cover reveal on Prism Alliance February 24, 2016, but I can give you a tease....

After that date, there will be some stops in March to get you ready for the release, but how many stops all depends on me coming up with something to talk about. I feel like sometimes I run out of things to say and this time in particular because I said so much during my last tour for No! Jocks Don't Date Guys.

For now, I'll leave you with an excerpt for Bankers' Hours. Just chapter 1
Nica said an excerpt would be appreciated :D

Chapter 1
Same Job, New Location, And Starting My Life Over

“Who’s the hottie?” a female customer asked my colleague Jessica. She “whispered” her question in a none too hushed voice, as if it wouldn’t be overheard four feet away in the adjacent teller cubicle. I kept my back turned, pretending to tidy my work area, because I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t really know Jessica, since I’d only worked in this branch of the bank for a week. I certainly didn’t know the customer who asked the question. I hadn’t seen her in the bank before. I did, however, know enough to understand I was the object of the question.
It wasn’t the first time I’d been referred to as hot, although I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t have the muscle I normally associated with hotties. I guess I was okay looking, and I was kind of tall, but after people got to know me, my looks never mattered. I was pedantic, persnickety, and on some days positively puerile. But even though I knew myself pretty well, that didn’t mean I knew how to change. I guess I was a little too much for most people. I had very few friends, and I rarely got asked out twice by the same man. Actually, I couldn’t remember ever being asked out twice.
I almost threw a pity party for myself in my cubicle, but knocked over my pens instead. When they went rolling everywhere, I stopped stewing over being twenty-six and never-been-kissed. It was more rational to think of my virginity as “saving myself,” but truth be told, I was a loser and no one had ever liked me enough to kiss me. I picked up my pens, set them back in the container, and moved it to a different location.
“That’s Grant,” Jessica answered her customer. “He transferred from another branch when it closed.”
I made the mistake of glancing over and caught Jessica and the woman staring at me. Was this what penguins felt like? No, they probably didn’t notice the humans staring through the glass as they swam at the zoo. Monkeys were more intelligent. Maybe monkeys understood the uneasiness associated with being gawked at. It wasn’t merely the staring, or the compliment she’d given me; my problem was in knowing the remarks never stayed on the complimentary level. Once they got past my dark blond hair and blue eyes, people eventually laughed at me for something.
I turned away from Jessica and headed toward the restroom. Once I locked the door, I took out my phone and texted my mother. I didn’t live with her—I wasn’t completely pathetic—but we texted often.
How are you, Mom?
She texted back quickly, as usual. I’m fine, Grant, but you’re supposed to be working. Stop texting me.
I’m on a five-minute break.
Stop ducking into the bathroom every time something stresses you out.
Nothing stressed me out.
Did you pee, or did you lock the door and take out your phone?
“Shit,” I mumbled. I glanced at my reflection over the sink. “I am pathetic.” I texted my reply: I peed.
Liar. Go back to work. You’ll settle in fine. Talk to people, make friends, and then the new branch won’t seem so scary.
But it took me a year to make friends with Laura, and then she moved across the country and left me two months before they decided to close my branch. I feel like my life is in turmoil.
Grant, go back to work. Talk to people. Talk to the ones you work with AND the customers. Maybe one of them lives near you and will turn out to be a good friend. You need friends. It isn’t healthy to text your mother for every little thing. I need to go. I have a massage in ten minutes.
Fine. I’ll try.
Good. You know I love you.
I love you too. Bye. Have fun.
She didn’t text back. She probably thought I was ridiculous. I pocketed my phone and washed my hands. I liked clean hands. I also enjoyed the smell of the grapefruit-scented foaming hand soap. Sometimes I washed my hands just so I could smell my fingers while I worked. People may have thought I had an unusually itchy nose, but I only rubbed the tip of it so I could smell the soap scent. I had a thing for smells. Or maybe I had a thing for grapefruit. Either way, I washed my hands repeatedly at work, and it wasn’t always to get them clean. I had an antibacterial pump in my cubical, but the alcohol scent made me sneeze. I should probably look for grapefruit-scented antibacterial gel. Oooh.
When I got out of the bathroom, I returned to my cubicle to discover a line had formed. Banking customers often came in waves. One minute I could be straightening my deposit slips and reorganizing my ink pad and teller stamp, and the next minute fifty people would show up in the lobby at the same time. I put on a bright smile and called a woman over.
“Good morning,” I said to the older lady.
“It’s the afternoon,” she replied gruffly.
I glanced at my computer screen. “Technically, it’s morning until after noon.”
She glared and shoved a check my way. “Cash this. I want it all in twenties.”
I took the check and flipped it over. “Can you please sign the back, and may I see your driver’s license?”
She snatched up a pen and proceeded to scribble her name. “My license is in the car. Surely you can ask one of the other tellers to vouch for me?”
“I could, but then how am I to learn your name for the next time?”
“By memorizing the name on the check,” she huffed.
“Well, I’m new here, and it’s procedure to ask for a driver’s license for all transactions. Even with customers I know, I’m supposed to write the number on the check or at the very least double-check the name.”
She ignored me and fussed at my coworker. “Jessica, can you tell this boy who I am, please? I don’t have time to follow his—” She paused. “—procedures.”
“You can cash Mrs. Caldwell’s check, Grant. I know who she is,” Jessica said. She didn’t seem smug or condescending, but I felt snubbed all the same. I had protocol to follow, and my first customer of the day had sidestepped it.
Rules were rules. Why have them if they could be shirked off willy-nilly? I grinned and nodded politely, but I counted out the twenties begrudgingly. “Will that be all, Mrs. Caldwell?”
“Yes, thank you.” The terse woman put the wad of bills in an envelope before I even had the chance to ask if she wanted one and then stormed away.
The next person to walk up to my window made my breath hitch. I swallowed hard. “Ca-can I help you?”
The man grinned, but only with the left side of his mouth. “Yes. I’d like to deposit this in the account at the bottom, and I’d like to withdraw money from a different account. I’ve written down how I want it back on this slip of paper.” He slid a piece of paper to me across the counter. His hands were soiled and greasy. I suddenly wanted to wash mine.
“Oh, okay. I can do that. I’ll just need to see—”
“My driver’s license,” he said, sliding it across the counter. He lifted the corner of his mouth again.
“Oh, thank you,” I replied. I was slightly startled by his compliance, and half-nervous over his grin. I took his license and wrote the number on the business check for Carr’s Automotive. Tristan Carr. “Is this your company?” I asked.
“Yes. My father started the business, and I took it over before he died. If you ever need an auto mechanic, I’m only fifteen minutes north of here.” He winked.
My mouth went dry. Was he flirting or just being friendly? “Um, okay. I bet you often hear jokes about the name.”
I punched in his account number and clicked the corresponding options on my screen. I ran his checks through the scanning machine and then set them in the correct bin—facing the same direction as the check from Mrs. Caldwell. I handed him the receipt for his deposit. “How did you want that back?” I asked. He glanced down and tapped the counter. “Oh, right, you gave me a list.” After I counted out the appropriate amount and zipped it up in his money pouch, I asked, “Is there anything else I can do to—for, do for you?”
I expected a smirk or a facial tick to reveal he’d heard my slip, but he only paused before answering, “No. Thank you.” He glanced at my name placard. “Grant, I’m sure I’ll see you again. Perhaps the next time you won’t need to ask for my license.”
Why would he say that? He couldn’t know I was checking him out. I’d barely made eye contact. Maybe he was repeating what the previous woman had said. “Perhaps,” I replied. “It was nice to meet Mr. Carr of Carr’s Automotive.”
He grinned again and stuck out his hand. As I went to shake it, I bumped the container of pens, which I’d set next to the window after I’d knocked it over in its previous location, and sent the pens rolling across the counter and through the window onto the floor at his feet. I was so embarrassed. “Oh God. I’m so sorry.” I gathered them up and set them in the container I uprighted.
Mr. Carr bent down, retrieved the pens from the floor, reached through my teller window, and put them into my container. Three were upside down, so I took them out and flipped them over. This time he smirked the smirk I was expecting and said, “Until next time.” He picked up one of my business cards from the stack next to my name placard and read it. “Grant Adams,” he repeated my name. “It was a pleasure to meet you.” He pocketed the card and stuck out his hand again. I didn’t knock over the pens when I shook it.
His hand was dirty and rough and completely swallowed my tiny palm. “Likewise.”
He nodded and walked away, and I glanced at my hands. They felt gritty.
I looked to the next customer and smiled as she stepped up, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the feel of his skin touching mine. I rubbed the tip of my nose. My hand had an oddly earthy aroma, which repulsed me almost as much as it intrigued me. I glanced at the unappealing bottle of hand sanitizer and considered it for a second. Which would it be—nauseating alcohol smell that made me sneeze or earthy mechanic smell? The woman set her money and checks on the counter, but I had to excuse myself. “I’m sorry. I need to wash my hands.” I took a step backward. “I’ll only be a second.”
She gave me a questioning look but warily conceded, “Okay.”
I dashed to the bathroom, pumped three squirts of foam onto my hands, and lathered thoroughly for twenty seconds. Mr. Carr’s hands had appeared greasy, and even though there was no evidence of grease or dirt on mine after he shook it, I still had to wash. I rinsed and dried my hands. I looked down at my open palms, fresh and clean. Sniff. The earthy scent was gone, and for some odd reason, a tiny part of me regretted it. He’d touched me. A man I’d just met had held my hand briefly. I’d introduced myself to countless people before, some of them male, yet Mr. Carr’s warmth still lingered inexplicably.
I heard a knock on the door and I jumped. “Grant? How long are you going to be in there?” Lucinda, another teller, asked. I opened the door and she said, “There’s a line. I don’t want to call Tracy over to help.”
Tracy was the bitchy branch manager I’d come to loathe from day one. She was not friendly by any means, but did her job well enough to garner the customers’ adoration. Lucinda had been kind enough to warn me about her before I got myself fired over nothing. Tracy was all business, and as long as I did my job to her satisfaction, Lucinda had assured me Tracy would leave me alone. Only I hadn’t been here long enough to earn a reputation for excellence. Tracy hadn’t worked with me at the other branch, and apparently word of mouth wasn’t good enough.
“No,” I replied. “I’m coming.” I shut the door and returned to my station. The same woman was waiting there. I greeted her with a smile. “Good morning.”
“It’s 12:10, therefore afternoon,” she corrected, handing me her deposit.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Time flies when you’re having fun,” I joked, hoping she would let my inattention slide.
“Or chatting up a customer,” Jessica commented as she walked past me on her way over to the drive-thru window.
I blanched and hoped my customer didn’t notice as I entered her account number into the computer. I couldn’t believe Jessica would say such a thing with a customer right there. Was this the type of person she was? How was I supposed to make friends with someone who embarrassed me in front of customers?
“That man did look dirty,” the customer said, oblivious to Jessica’s comment or at least ignoring it. “I don’t blame you for washing your hands.” She slid her license toward me without a prompt.
“Thank you. Although it’s not necessary for a deposit.”
She smiled. “I come in here several days a week. You’re new, so I wanted to make sure you got familiar with my name… and face. It will make it easier the next time.”
“True.” I read the name. “Ms. Gina Snyder.” I chuckled, finding her name ironic. “I have Snyder’s pretzels in my lunch today. I don’t suppose you own the pretzel company, do you?” Her deposit was large, but there had to be hundreds of Snyders in the greater tristate area. Snyder’s was a Pennsylvania company.
Mrs.,” she stressed. “And not directly, no,” she replied, grinning rather mischievously. Her eyes lingered on me, and my face flushed. “I’ll see you another day, my dear boy.” She winked and turned away.
Two winks in one day. If this was any indication of the type of town Westminster was, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I was used to attention, but this was silly. I wasn’t sure I’d last in this branch if every customer flirted with me, although perhaps I was assuming too much. Mr. Carr couldn’t possibly have known I was gay, and Mrs. Snyder wouldn’t flirt with a guy my age, would she? I was young enough to be her son.
Jessica stepped up behind me and whispered, “Be careful with her. She’s a cougar.”
I turned around sharply. “What?”
Jessica glanced at the lobby before saying, “She’s an aggressive older woman who likes to prey on hot young guys.”
There was one person filling out a slip and another waiting to see the manager about opening an account, so I had a minute or two to fuss. I protested, “I’m not hot.”
She snorted. “Oh, please. You’re hot. I wouldn’t normally admit it to your face, but since you’re gay, my opinion won’t get misconstrued.”
“Gay? I’m not…,” I started to protest, but the look she gave me screamed, “Stop before I smack you.” I glanced around and whispered, “How did you know?”
She snorted again, louder this time. If she’d been drinking something, it would have come out her nose for sure. “I know this is going to sound awful, but you drip gay. From your pink shirts—”
“Straight guys wear pink,” I blurted.
“To your perfect hair—”
“Straight guys comb their hair.”
“And your obsession with cleanliness—”
“Straight guys can be clean.”
“There isn’t a single thing about you I’ve seen this week to convince me you’re straight. Maybe Mrs. Snyder can overlook your less-than-straight qualities because she wants to bag you, but I pegged you from day one. I’m just saying… be careful and stop flirting with the customers.”
“I’m not.” Besides the fact her assessment of me was offensive, I didn’t flirt. Did I?
“Oh, right,” she laughed. “Then you better control your blushing, because women like Mrs. Snyder will eat you alive, and guys like Mr. Carr will punch the shit out of you. I saw him at a Papa Joe’s once. He got off his motorcycle and walked across the parking lot like he owned the place. It scared the crap out of me. He could be a police officer, or a general of an army. Believe me, you don’t want to mess with him.”
I couldn’t imagine Mr. Carr punching me. He’d seemed very nice. His half smile intrigued me—it made me think of trouble brewing under the surface. He certainly had that bad-boy quality I’d always appreciated from afar. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He didn’t seem dangerous to me. Besides, I’m not flirting with anyone, and I don’t blush easily.”
“The hell you don’t. Just watch yourself, or Tracy will haul you into her office and rip you a new one. She’s all about policy, and dating customers is frowned upon.”
We were only standing in my cubicle, but as she hissed at me so intensely, she might as well have yelled, I felt as though she’d shoved me into a corner with her finger pointed in my face. “Okay, okay. Jeez. I haven’t done anything.”
Her expression changed. “I’m sorry, Grant. I like you. I don’t want to see you get fired or hurt. You seem very sweet, albeit a bit naive.”
She had me there. My cheeks heated from embarrassment.
“See, you’re blushing again.” She reached up and touched my arm as I clapped my hands over my cheeks. “I’m sorry I commented about chatting up the customers. I think it was my way of challenging what I’d seen. Part of me hoped it wasn’t true. You’re seriously cute, Grant. Being gay would ruin my chances.”
I sighed. “You’re right, I’m gay.”
“Then why be so defensive about it?”
“I guess because you deconstructed my sexuality based on stereotypes. I don’t like labels and definitions. I think there are too many people out there who don’t fit into a category. Some get offended.”
“But yours are obvious.” She looked over my shoulder. “Sorry. Customers. I gotta go.” Jessica patted my arm and waved the customer in line to head over to her window.
I waved one over as well. I greeted the older man, saying, “Good afternoon.”

I went home after my shift and gazed at myself in the mirror of my dresser. Was I really stereotypical? I liked pastel shirts, and I didn’t see a reason to wear white or black just to blend in. I undid my pink-and-white striped tie and pulled it from around my neck. I hung it on the tie organizer in my closet and unbuttoned my shirt. My pasty white skin sagged in my reflection. I flexed. The lack of muscle made my self-image worse. I was scrawny and awkward, and my body wasn’t one guys like Tristan Carr desired, or any guy for that matter. Even with the .02 percent chance Tristan was gay, I highly doubted I had anything he’d find attractive once he took his eyes off my okay-I-admit-it’s-pretty face. In my suit and tie, I had the hot-young-executive appearance in my favor. Out of the suit, I was a pathetic twenty-six-year-old virgin with zero appeal.
I took off my trousers and hung them up, then pushed my underwear down and reassessed. My sad little penis hung to the left. “Negative twenty appeal.” I rubbed my crotch and scratched my patch of blond hair. “This poor thing will shrivel and fall off before I find a guy to suck it.”
Heavy hearted, I took a shower and put on my pajamas before heating up leftovers.
After I had washed my plate and put it away, my phone rang. I could tell it was my best friend, Mel, by the ringtone. His jingle was different from my mother’s.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hey. How’s your first week been?” he asked.
I met Mel Tersiguel on my first day of work right out of college. I had graduated with an accounting degree, but I felt the need to ease my way into the work world after so many years in school. Some guys couldn’t wait to break free of their parents, but I hadn’t been one of them. In fact, it had taken me three years after college simply to move into my own place. Mel had applauded me for my independence, although I still waffled about the decision a year later.
“Fine, I guess,” I answered.
“Hmm, you don’t sound fine. What happened?”
“Nothing, I guess. Do you think I’m flamboyant?” I asked.
“Wow. Where did that question come from?”
I stretched out on the sofa and pulled the afghan off the back of it to cover my legs. It was the middle of September and I wasn’t very warm-natured to begin with, so any slight drop in temperature had me covering up. I sighed into the receiver. “I don’t know. A girl at work said she knew I was gay from the first day. I’ve only been there five days.”
“So? You’ve never denied it, have you?”
“You were as up-front with me as I was with you. Remember our first lunch?” he asked, his voice conveying his happiness so well I could almost picture the smile on his face.
“Yeah, I remember. But it was the way she said it and based her assumption on my clothes and mannerisms.”
“Ah! Stereotyping. You’ve always hated that, haven’t you?” Mel asked, but I knew it was rhetorical.
“Mostly since meeting you. I guess I don’t want to admit my appearance isn’t more neutral. But you didn’t answer my question: am I flamboyantly gay?”
“Of course not. But it’s more than your Easter egg colored wardrobe, Grant. When a guy… for example, you… ogles another guy’s ass as often as I’ve seen you do, then that guy’s gay, and it doesn’t matter what color his shirts are or how much his hips sway when he walks.”
“My hips do not sway!” I protested.
Mel snickered. “Okay, they don’t sway… much, but the way you openly check guys out is obvious.”
“I haven’t done that at the bank, I don’t think.”
“Just be careful, Grant. Carroll County is a way more conservative part of Maryland than Howard County. You don’t want to piss off some old-school farmer, or a Harley-Davidson–loving auto mechanic.” I choked and pulled the phone away from my mouth to clear my throat. When I brought the phone back up to my ear, I heard Mel laughing. “Oh, wow. Did you ogle a farmer? You slut!”
“Oh my God, Mel. Don’t make this harder than it already is,” I whined.
His tone changed right away. “I’m sorry. I know relationships are hard for you. I didn’t mean to poke fun.”
“I’d almost prefer being a slut to being alone. I hate it. Every night I come home to an empty house. Maybe I should move back in with my mother.”
“Grant,” he warned.
“She’s all alone. She’s got that stupid cat I’m allergic to, but I could take shots.”
“Grant, don’t.”
“But, Mel!”
“No buts. Moving out last year was the best thing you’ve done for yourself. And if you do meet a hot farmer, then at least you don’t have to explain why you’re still living with your mother.”
“I could tell him she’s sick,” I countered.
“But she’s not. Your mother is perfectly healthy and active. There is no reason that doesn’t make you sound pitiful. You’re a big boy. You can take care of yourself.”
“You’re right. So do you think I’m attractive?” I asked, even though we’d covered the answer before.
“Yes, you know you are. But I’ve told you before, I’m attracted to girls, so your looks don’t matter to me either way.”
“I know. But do you think my looks would be enough for an auto mechanic?”
“You know I was only joking about the auto mechanic, right? There are other professions in Carroll County.”
“Oh, I know. I’m asking because there was a guy who came in today who’s an auto mechanic.”
“And he’s hot,” I whined.
“Oooh, do tell.” I appreciated his interest. Mel had egged me on for details about all three guys I’d been interested in since we’d met. And he’d been there to support me after all three had bombed after one date. He was used to my crushes and hadn’t discouraged me from dreaming.
I drew my knees up and tucked my afghan under my feet, positioning myself for the juicy details I was about to spill. “Okay, he’s built like a tank. Taller than me, and he has more muscle than the bodybuilder guy we used to make up stories about last year.”
“Mr. Goodwin?”
His voice went up two octaves. “Oh my gosh! How do you know? Was this guy wearing a tank top or something?”
“No. He had on a uniform and coveralls, but his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his forearms were bigger than my biceps.”
“Niiice. What else? Hair, eyes, height, name?”
“His name’s Tristan Carr.”
Mel giggled. “And he’s an auto mechanic? I bet that’s a drag.”
“Yeah. I guess. I thought it was amusing. Anyway, I didn’t look directly into his eyes long enough to notice the color.” I had wanted to look, but I’d been too nervous.
“And you say he’s taller than you? Jeez. You’re six foot, Grant.”
“I know, right? This guy has to be six four, and I’ve never seen shoulders that wide.”
“Wow. I’ll seem like a midget.”
“You aren’t a midget.”
“I said seeeem. I know other guys shorter than me, but compared to six foot four, my five five is going to seeeem like I’m a midget.”
Okaaaay,” I mocked his mocking tone for mocking me, and then we both laughed.
“What color’s his hair?”
“Don’t know. His head’s shaved.”
“Fair enough. I’ve seen some hot bald guys. So what’s your opinion? Do you wish he had hair, or is he fine without it?”
“Oh, absolutely fine without it. He’s very tan and sexy. Possibly cover-model material for a biker magazine.”
“Good, but I’ve got a question for you. How clean are his hands? I know how you are.”
My heart sank. I had been fine talking about how nice Mr. Carr looked until Mel brought up his hands. “Well, they looked like they were covered in grease. He shook my hand and they didn’t feel greasy, but I still had to wash my hands after he left. His hands were rough and huge, and stained black around his fingernails.”
“That’s typical. When I work on my car, I get oil and grease on my hands, and sometimes it takes days to come off. Imagine working on cars every day. I bet his hands were clean, but you couldn’t tell.”
“You’re probably right, although my hand did have an odd scent on it after he shook it.”
“Odd good or odd bad?”
I knew why he’d asked. Mel was one of the few people in my life who understood where my hand-washing fetish came from. I said, “The jury is still holding session over that one. The scent was new to me, and I paused before I bolted for the bathroom.”
“Interesting. Usually you react right away.”
“I know.”
“Maybe it was because the smell came off a really hot guy?” Mel goaded.
“Stop. He’s probably straight anyway, so speculating over things that would unnerve me is unnecessary—good and bad smells included. I think he was just being nice because I’m the new guy.”
“Maybe. But you better promise to call me if he turns out to be gay. I want to know if this odd scent is particular to his hands or found on other parts of his body.”
I chuckled. “You’re so incorrigible.” Mel was a great friend, but I needed to change the subject. “So, how about you? Are things progressing with you and that girl you saw working at the chicken place?”
“Boston Market,” he corrected. “And nah, I’m still hesitant about saying hello, let alone anything else. What if she doesn’t accept me? I think I’ll wait.”
“Really? You’re not even going to take a chance? You could start with going there to eat every week and see if she notices.”
“Maybe, but you know I want to wait to date until my scars heal and I figure out my next step in the process. I want to feel more secure about myself before I face my fear of rejection, especially from a girl as pretty as Cindy.”
“Mel, you know I love you, but just like you pushed me toward independence, I need to push you a little toward dating.”
“I know. Just… can you keep your fingers crossed for me? I’ll try going in for lunch and see if she looks at me. Okay?”
I nodded, but then realized he couldn’t see me. “Yes, of course. I’m here for you.”
“Thanks. I’m here for you too. And if Mr. Carr, the auto mechanic, turns out to be gay, I’ll be here for advice on how not to screw it up. The next guy you go out with will be the one, I’m sure of it!”
“I hope so. My internal clock is ticking.”
“Grant, you’re twenty-six, not fifty-six. You’ll find the right guy to marry and settle down with. I promise.”
I sighed.
We said our good-byes, and I set my phone on the end table. I hoped Mel was right. I was tired of being alone. There had to be a guy out there who would tolerate my need to iron my boxers and group my shirts according to color. Other people had to despise it when their food touched on their plate, right? Or when restrooms only had air-drying machines instead of paper towels? I was not a freak. I was a somewhat nice-looking gay man cursed with an unusual personality that repelled men. I was special. I would find someone eventually who appreciated my quirks.
I went to bed thinking about what my second week of work would be like. This weekend I would do laundry and clean my three-room house. On Monday I could worry about the cougar woman Jessica had warned me about, and the auto mechanic who’d winked at me for no apparent reason. Because really, even if he was gay, he’d never want to take me to bed, so I was better off playing it cool and being his friend.
Friends. My mother had told me I needed to make some.

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