Thursday, November 28, 2013

What I'm Thankful For

My children. I love them dearly. My son gave me flowers last night and a note that said "Thank you for all your hard work. I love you Mom." I'm thankful for my husband. He smoked a turkey yesterday, all day, and since we are having ham, pork, and the smoked turkey I decided we had enough meat. This is the first year ever I am not cooking turkey on Thanksgiving and therefore I got to sleep in.I got into bed at 8pm and got out of bed at 7:30 this morning. Amazing. I cleaned and cooked all day yesterday and I will be cooking all day today, but it is easier without a huge turkey taking up my over space.

I'm thankful for family. I invited a guy from my English class to dinner because he had to work and could not travel home to Ohio to be with family. He is going to his best friend's house instead, but thanked me for the invite. I don't wish for people to be alone on holidays and if at all possible I would invite lots of people to my house. If you need a place to go, come on over! (That's my philosophy.) We have lots of food, a warm fire, and a reptile zoo. What more could you want?

I am thankful for a life changing year. 2013 is a complete 180 from what 2010 was for me. Now, most people I know know I'm a writer, many know the genre I write, and a few have read my writing. People online know (for the most part) that I am a woman. Not that I ever said I was a man, but now (since February, I think) I correct people. My bio reflects that I have children and says "she" after all. And I figured out that the number of people I actually "fear" in my town is about 3. THREE PEOPLE and they have me cowering in a corner for years. Really? Yeah, I'm over that. Do I still worry? You're darn tootin'! But that is because I hate confrontation. I hate the idea that someone could stir up crap about me and hurt my family in the process. And over what? My support of GAY RIGHTS. Because basically that is it. It started as me (a straight woman) writing gay fiction. And then morphed into me influencing youth to BE gay. (Untrue) And then someone asked if I WAS GAY? It was a whole lot of crap. I am a writer. I have a vast imagination. And apparently I am pretty darn good at it if you think (from my writing) that I am a gay MAN. Go me! But it is not my intention to deceive, only to protect my family.

I'm thankful for openness. This spins off of the previous paragraph, but I am thankful I am not really hiding anymore. I AM however cautious. I do want to be careful because I live in a conservative town. I read whether or not a person will get crappy with me before I say I write gay fiction. I start with "I'm a romance writer." That is a way easier place to start. But person by person I am opening up, so this has been a good year. And I also connected me WADE KELLY with the former me Linda Reilly. All total, I have written 4 novels and 2 short stories. I like those numbers.

I am thankful that I have finished writing another book. Names Can Never Hurt Me took over a year to write and I am glad it is done and submitted. My fingers are still crossed that I get offered a contract on it. As soon as I hear, I will let you all know! It has been 3 weeks and 4 days since submission.

I am thankful for my health. All thought I am not the healthiest person around, I do have good blood pressure and for the most part I remain sickness free. I need to be well to take care of my family. My husband is the one with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, stressful job etc. I need to be healthy to take care of him! I am also thankful my mom is still alive. My dad died almost 2 years ago and it has been hard for her. And I am glad my brother lives with her so he can take care of her.

I am also extremely thankful for all my fans who continue to support me and read my stuff and review it and recommend it, etc. You all are wonderful. I need you! I will try to make 2014 a better year for fans as I am trying very hard to write consistently and finish manuscripts in order to submit them in a timely manner. I want to bring you more to read. Hang in there. 2013 has been a pivotal year for me!

Much love!

Wade <3

Monday, November 25, 2013

I got Nothin'

Nothing much going on around here. I'm still waiting to hear back about Names Can Never Hurt Me. It's been 3 weeks. (Remember it can take up to 8 to hear back.) The wait is nagging, but I'm also very busy so that helps. Last night I was really missing my guys from NAMES. I have this tendency to change things and "edit" whenever I reread a story, and since this one is still in limbo I am trying to resist reading it so I don't change something. There will be time for editing once I get a "yay" or "nay". But I miss them. I miss Nick and his silly stupid ways of thinking. I miss RC and his tenderness toward Nick. I miss Corey and his flirty flamboyance. I think I even miss Marcy's annoying neediness. Come on already with a word. I want to read the manuscript with purpose.

In the meantime I have loads to do. I am currently working on a research project for English class. That is due next Monday. I am doing a power point presentation. I think it's the first time I've done one of them so FUN. I need to collect more info and write a bibliography. Do you know how long it has been since I've written a bibliography? Like ions.

I am also currently writing Misplaced Affection. (The one I started because of an English assignment on describing a painting.) It is now sitting at 19,000 words. I wish I had done more so far. I was striving to keep up with NaNoWriMo, but in order to do that I am supposed to have over 41k. I have far too few minutes to write during the week I think. Sadly. However, I am writing on a more consistent basis and I am happy that I have this much. I am going to continue to write as often as I can and maybe this one will be complete in Dec or Jan. (Jan more likely.) Since NAMES took over a year to write, I think that if I have this one done in 3-4 months then that is pretty good. When did I start it? October something? I'll have to look that one up.

I wrote another piece for English due today. I showed the teacher last week to see if it was appropriate for class. She read it while we took a test and she cried. I MADE THE TEACHER CRY! I would share the bit I wrote, but it is in Misplaced Affection. I don't want to spoil it. It is very touching, although short, and comes later in the story so I will not give it away here. But know that it made my teacher cry!!!

My hunt for a character name is over. I settled on Flynn. I like it. It fits the character. Now I'm having difficulties finding last names. LOL. I guess I need a phone book directory.

This week is THANKSGIVING. What are you thankful for? I may or may not blog again this week. If I don't, I hope you all have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Ciao for now,

Wade

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Naming Characters

Sometimes this is the hardest thing for me. Not because I can’t think of a name, but because I often pick the SAME names I already have in other novels. I tend to like names that start with D, T, J, C, and N. I have a list of names on word doc, but it only works when I LOOK at it. I’ve been stumbling along because I named one of my recent characters “Tory”. I like it. Short version of Victor in my current WIP. The problem is that I JUST wrote Names Can Never Hurt me and one of the characters is named Corey. Corey and Tory… I’m not much on rhyming names one book right after the other so I figured I needed to change it. Status on facebook and people chime in with suggestions. Some good ones by the way, but also ones that reminded me of my list so I updated it today and discovered I repeat names. Not good.

Latest culprit? Nicholas. Apparently I love that name. I used it three times in various forms. It won’t really cause too much of a problem I don’t think, but it did get me to see that I need to pay attention to naming characters. The problem that you readers can’t factor in, is all the other novels I have planned out or partially written that you haven’t learned the names of the characters yet. AND, the newer ones I added to the list.

Published:
When Love Is Not Enough – Jimmy (Jamie), Matt (Matthias), Darian. But also Dan, Cheryl, Joan, Scott, Jason, Kevin, Anna, Emily, Kenny, and Joey.

The Cost of Loving-  Jimmy (Jamie), Matt (Matthias), Darian. But also Dan, Cheryl, Joan, Steven, Hannah, Scott, Jason, Kevin, Bob, Billy, Lori, Ian, Tommy, Anna, Joey, and Fred.

My Roommate’s a Jock? Well, Crap! – Cole, Ellis, Rob (Robin), Russell, Sara, Lori, Marcus, Mike, Brian, Ben, Brice, Stan, Bethany, Jonathan, Brad, Garrett, and Meredith.

Submitted: Names Can Never Hurt Me – Nick, RC (Raffael), Paul, Corey, Marcy, Tara, Tyler, Terrell, Julie, Laney, Dawn, Elaine, Annia, Cathy, Jennifer,

Newer ones (by me) you may not have read (because they were published in ’09 & ’10 under a different name) …

Sculpting Clay – Clay, Taran, Javier, Vincent, Geena

All I Want For Christmas – David, Nicholai, Joey, Jack , Tyler, (mention Tony)

Books I am working on:

Current WIP: Misplaced Affection – Zach, Flynn, Keith, Gwendolyn, Amelia, Greg

Others:

Road Trip Recipes – Avery, Cash, Crimson, and three girls I can't choose a name for.
Blue Jays – Jayden, Alex
Love Trust and Learning to Live Again- Jimmy (Jamie), Matt (Matthias), Darian. Also Dan, Cheryl, Joan, Steven, Hannah, Scott, Jason, Kevin, Bob, Billy, Lori, Ian, Tommy, Anna, Joey, Fred, Ben, Sara, Ariana, Kyle,

And then the paranormal books. Sci-fi, and fantasy:

My Lover Sucks - David, Nicholai, Joey, and more people.


And a sci-fi/fantasy series with characters: Jackie, Tony, Dominicq, Tadhg, Keegan, Marcellus, Anna, Moyra, Catherine, Cecilia, Tighernan, Edonnon, Molly, Larisa, Galen, Maya, Max, and others…

I have lots of stuff going on. If I can keep up the consistancy, next year should be a good year!

I think I'm doing well. What started as an English paper of 1200 words (over her requirement by 900 words) is now over 16000 and keeps on coming. I have chapters outlined that I haven't had a chance to write yet, but I have the ideas in my head. I am confident. I wanted to write 50k in november but I don't see it happening. It's okay though. I am writing at my own slower pace, but I AM WRITING. That is the key to writing. Haha- DOING IT! And the last 467 words I did for a paper due on Monday were chilling. Made me cry. Very powerful in my opinion. I think I am improving. 

So yeah. That is all for now.

Catch ya laterz,

Wade

Friday, November 15, 2013

Insert clever title here*

I have noticed that some posts get LOADS of attention and page views while others sit virtually untouched. My theory is that the ones with clever or catchy titles get clicked on faster. What do you think? What do you click on? These are the most popular posts:

I’m just a girl… a girl named Wade. 84 pages views
Epic failure  119 page views
Emotional Realism, and Grammatical Failure   102 page views
Holy Crap! I've gone viral.   131 page views
and a monumentally popular post Fully exposed, except with my clothes on.   w/ 150 page views
Freedom to be myself   124 page views
Facebook needs a serious kick in the a** holy crap, really? 588 page views!
and XXX rated material with 269 page views
WEIGHTLESS in 2013 has 100 pages views
No One Pays Attention Anyway  has 142 page views

And the post with the LEAST page views: Writer's Block? with 4. yes, 4. But it WAS in the very beginning of my blogging experience so oh well.

BTW, the blogger home pages says:  14412 pageviews-143 posts, last published on Nov 13, 201 -46 followers I may not have too many "followers" but someone is viewing the pages.

I am always curious as to what makes you check out a blog. How can I improve? What can I do more of, or less of? Is blogging on a more consistent basis better? Are you more likely to read during the week, as apposed to the weekend? Morning vs Night? What do you think? Do you want me to ask your opinion, or do you like me to talk without engaging the audience? I ponder these things all the time….

AND I also ponder marketing. HOW do I get people to read my stuff???? Or, do I just shut up and write. YES, there are loads of ways to market. I'm not really asking HOW to do it. My issue mainly is time and money. I barely have time to write, I am not spending it marketing just yet. I think I have stated this before, I AM RELYING ON GOD to inspire people to read my books. When I published My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap! I had no idea that it would take off like it did! on Goodreads it has 1024 ratings. (  5 stars (183)  |  4 stars (333)  |  3 stars (196)  |  2 stars (63)  |  1 star (15))    I have sold more than I ever thought possible, but I didn't DO anything. I didn't spend money on advertising. I didn't go around yelling HEY READ MY BOOK! It just happened. So, being a religious type person, I blamed God and thanked GOD for the success. JOCK has gotten people to check out my other books, become my "fans", and message me and encourage me throughout this entire year. One little funny book. So how do I do that again? It was by accident.

I guess I will concentrate on writing. I am currently waiting to here about Names Can Never Hurt Me. Submitted 11/3/13, it can tai dup to 8 weeks to get an answer. I will let you know. From that date it might take up to 6 months to publish. This is WHY I need to constantly write. Just finishing one is not good enough. I have to have a flow of writing, submissions, and publications. I am trying. Please help me be successful by sharing your joy with your friends, if you liked my books. Read others, if you have only read one. If you didn't like the one you read, e-mail me. Tell me why. I like feedback, even negative feedback because it helps me improve. If you like comedy and not suicide / drama, read JOCK, if you like other genres well I got that covered too. Sculpting Clay is an earlier publication that has laughter, angst, and a FAIRIE!


And if you like paranormal stuff, keep going with my older works (under a previous pen name) and read All I Want For Christmas. This is a vampire tale that has a sequel in the works. A dark, horror romance. Angsty. I will also tell you, I have loads of sic-fi/ fantasy material begging to be rewritten and expanded into probably a LONG series. Lots of characters. Shapeshifters included. I do it all! Don't give up on me. I have loads in store for the fans. 2013 was the jump-start year for my career in writing. Help me keep it going.

Thank you for hanging around and reading my stuff.

Laterz ya'll.

Wade

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Throwing You A BONE - for the hard core fans

Okay, I have danced around being "found out" far too long.

Years ago in the fateful year of 2010 when I was persecuted by my church for writing what I do, I had to hide. I disappeared. You have all heard this. But what was I doing? What had I written before the hammer came down? Who was I before I was Wade Kelly?

When Love is Not Enough was born out of grief and depression. I was told to STOP writing. Could I? I tried. But I am a writer, it is what I do, it is what I think, it is how my brain functions 24 hours a day. I am always thinking about writing if I am not at my computer doing the actual writing. So it was back in 2010. … or back up a month or 2… December 2009.

In December 2009 I published my very first short story in the Dreamspinner Advent Anthology Mistletoe Madness. Title? All I Want For Christmas. Many people have even read this but do not know it was by ME. Why? Because I had to change my identity. The church did crappy stuff. I closed myself off from everything. I could no longer be the person and penname I was in 2009, but I had to delete everything--delete my life. In some ways it felt like dying to me. (I have no other reference for dying.) I chose a different name: Wade Kelly. However, before that, I was ….. *drum roll* Linda Reilly.

I wrote All I Want For Christmas:


Spending Christmas in New York City was supposed to be for fun, not to fall in love, but when David Gilden’s buddy thinks it’ll be funny to crank-call a stranger, David’s perfect, cookie-cutter life takes an unexpected twist. He’s been in denial for years about being gay, and with just one kiss, he realizes all he wants in life is to be with Nicholai Markoff. Even if he knew ahead of time the mysterious stranger was a Vampire, being in the man’s bed would’ve still topped David’s Christmas wish list—and he was Jewish!

Not only this short, but a full length paranormal m/m romance. Sculpting Clay.



When Taran Lorenz enters Clay Stevens's life, Clay is still reeling after his long-time partner, Javier, abruptly ended their relationship. Taran gives Clay the motivation to start living again, but Clay’s insanely jealous ex threatens to nip their relationship in the bud... only Taran won't give up, even when Javier gets their mutual employer, the manipulative billionaire Vincent Torres, to mark Taran for “removal.”

It's the start of a fight on three fronts: Javier confessing his continued love for Clay while he tries to run Taran off, Taran fighting to be loved and accepted for who he is—not what he is—after magically returning from the dead, and Clay trying to figure out how he got stuck in this fairy tale of monumental proportions and where he can find the happily-ever-after ending.

So if you want more Wade Kelly words, but hate to wait the long wait for Names Can Never Hurt Me, here is your chance. Before I was Wade, I wrote as Linda. I have updated my website to reflect this.

Why tell you now? Um, because I am letting go of fear. I only fear they inconsiderate people who de-friended me and my entire family in 2010. Where I am now, I feel different. Most people IN MY LIFE NOW already know what I write. Not all of them understand WHY, but they know. I shouldn't have to remain hidden. And…. little secret…. I have 36k written on the FULL LENGTH sequel to All I Want For Christmas. And it is a funny vampire romp with a little horror and angst. It HAS to get written, right?

So yeah, if you want another "Wade Kelly" novel, check out these titles. They are older. Yes. You'll have to let me know what you think. And whether under the name "Linda" or not, they are MY WORDS. My question now it, how loyal are my fans? Are they willing to give the paranormal stuff a chance when the name on the cover isn't WADE. Will you talk about it, PM your friends, and spread the word that I have other books out there? Will you show support for the slowest author around and read my older stuff while you wait for Names Can Never Hurt Me to come out? And my largest pondering would be, "Will Sculpting Clay or All I Want For Christmas hit the Dreamspinner top 25 again, these many years later, because I have the best fans ever who want to read my words?" Can it happen. The challenge is there.

>>DREAMSPINNER


~Wade


PS: I know I write like molasses, but I promise to produce more in 2014!! Onward and upward!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

NaNoWriMo - WIP

So NOVEMBER is NaNoWriMo month. Why I will never know. November is a very busy month with Thanksgiving in there. Maybe some think you can find extra time to write during time off for the holiday, but for me I spend my time cooking so there is less time to write. No matter, I am up for the challenge.

NaNo basically challenges a person to write 50,000 words in one month. It comes out to be about 1,667 words a day. For some, this is easy-peasy. Not so for me. A consistent 1667 is difficult. The most I have ever written in one day EVER was 12k. I did that once. I can write in bursts and get 12k in a couple days and that is great. What I am doing is trying to focus the challenge and use it to MAKE me write more consistently. Would I like 1667words/day? Oh heck yeah! The obstacles are basically daily living. I have kids. They have sports. I have obligations and stuff I need to do and sometimes it takes priority over writing. HOWEVER, this is the first year were I have had support to write. This is the first year in my published career where my FAMILY knows I write, allows me time to write, asks me how the writing is going, and on that rare occasion when something gets published they are happy for me. This is also the first time when I have been able to share freely about my writing to people I know, people I meet, and people I interact with on a daily basis.

THIS IS HUGE!

That is why I go back to 2013 being "My YEAR". (*Blog reference to WEIGHTLESS IN 2013) It is the best feeling in the world to be myself everywhere I go. I'm not saying I am wearing a gay pride T-shirt and waiving my Wade Kelly Books banner everywhere. NO. I have tact, and residual fear. I know homosexuality is almost as controversial as talking about religion or politics. At least in Carroll County. But I am opening up one person at a time. I tell people straight up I am an author. I never used to do this. I avoided saying anything. This year has been so awesome for me!

From my "Weightless" blog there was a list of things to accomplish:
1. Write everyday. - Not accomplished yet, but I am hopeful. I write MORE than ever before, so that's good.
2. Publish The Cost of Loving. … DONE!!
3. Finish writing Names Can Never Hurt Me … DONE! (and submitted 11/3/13)
4. write Darian's story. hmm, it stands at over 36k which is good, but I haven't worked on it for a while. (writing "NAMES".) I will get to it. Just not yet.
5. Come up with a storyline for the sequel to JOCK. Hmm, not quite, but further along in my head than in January.

MY GOALS NOW:
(10 months later)

1. Publish Names Can Never Hurt Me. This is contingent on signing a contract so please, everyone, cross your fingers for me!
2. FINISH writing another book, preferably by the end of 2013. Doable? Maybe. If I keep the pace I am writing at currently.
3. Write Darian's story.
4. Write a sequel to JOCK.
5. Write another novel. (I have several to choose from.)
6. Basically -- WRITE my fingers to the bone.

Currently I am writing Misplaced Affection. This is a novel I started because I had to write a piece for English class. I wrote like 1400 words and just kept going. It is cute, so far, and full of angst. My hands were shaking and I was breathing rapidly when writing several scenes. It is basically what I call the "Wade Kelly Special". Full of real characters, raw pain, and lots of angst before the characters find love. And, well, maybe, some sex thrown in there as well. LOL! "NAMES" is on the lighter side of the Wade Kelly Special. Misplaced Affection is probably more toward the angst side. If I had a scale????
1 being the lightest read. Happy. Fun. little angst. HEA. AND 10 being torture on the emotions.

1            2             3            4              5             6            7           8           9           10
                                                                                                                                      
         JOCK                                  NAMES                  MA      TCOL              WLINE

What do you think? Are these ranks accurate? (And for those who read this on GR and the format gets all messed up, Jock is a 2, NAMES I ranked 5, Misplaced Affection I said 7, TCOL 8, and WLINE 10.) My favorite part is writing 5 novels on that scale. heehee. Gotta get them all published!

This is what I am concentrating on for November and NaNoWriMo:


Misplaced Affection

Two best friends, one huge secret, and a wedding that stands in the way.

Victor Adams, or “Tory” to his friends, has a secret, (two secrets)—he’s gay, and he’s in love with the boy next door. Tory’s known for years how he felt, but he’s kept his secret because he’s convinced that telling his best friend, Jack, could destroy their relationship. And then, when Tory finally works up the nerve to tell him, Gwendolyn and her friend enter the picture and mess up everything. Tory couldn’t say the words now. Not when “I love you” sounds like a lame attempt at hiding his jealousy over Gwendolyn. Besides… so cliché.

Jack Mitchell was every girl’s heartthrob and every boy’s wet dream. Quarterback from high school turned horticulturalist, Jack had a personality that could sell anything, do anything, or be anything. Except, he couldn’t sell the truth—to himself. He’d been living a lie ever since his best friend Nate, Tory’s brother, died eight years prior. And just when he thinks he’s ready to talk about it, and tell Tory how he feels, he meets the prettiest girl in town and gets swept away.


Two years later, both friends stand ready at a wedding neither one wants to go through with. The best man, dying on the inside as the only man he’s ever loved commits himself in marriage—to a woman; and the groom, going through the motions of what is expected of him, even though, in his heart, he’d rather be saying “I do” to someone else. At this point, only God could intervene to avert disaster.

SO THERE YA HAVE IT.

let me know what you think.

Other news: the Goodread M/M Romance Choice Awards are open for nominations. check out the page. Mine have been nominated, but in case you read a book you think needs to be on the list, head over there and nominated one or several. (HERE.)

Laterz,

Wade

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The PEOPLE'S CHOICE is never "gay".

Have you noticed that the people's choice awards are always the titles that can be found at Walmart or Target or somewhere all Random House books can be sold. I NEVER see LGBT titles on those shelves. NEVER. I had this discussion before back when I ranted about 50 Shades of Grey on the bookshelves where it is so easily accessible to underage kids to peek into etc… That is fine, but a LGBT title like Something Like Summer will not get sold there. (This is my example from my prior blog.) So anyway…

THE PEOPLE'S CHOISE AWARDS ON GOODREADS… Who would you REALLY like to see? We can vote just like everyone else and the "write in" line below the covers can be used to support YOUR favorite LGBT authors and/ or books! Write in matter! I do remember one year when Hot Head by Damon Suede actually made it to the final round of votes! That seemed like a milestone!

So who do I vote for? Who would YOU vote for?

This is the link to the Goodreads awards page: HERE.

Personally, I voted for My Roommate's a Jock? Well, Crap! for BEST HUMOR. You can too :+)

Best FICTION… Into This River I Drown by TJ Klune

Best FANTASY… Stealing the Wind by Shira Anthony

Best HORROR… Zombie Boyz by TJ Klune, Eric Arvin etc…

Best ROMANCE… Well it has to be The Cost of Loving… lol… :p

Best YOUNG ADULT FICTION … Omorphi by C. Kennedy

Best Debut Author: Michael Chulsky for The Descending Darkness

There are other categories. Sadly I'm not sure which ones fit those to vote for. LET ME KNOW. Tell me who you recommend. Leave comments. But most of all, go vote! This is election day. Some of these LGBT titles are just as good as the mainstream, yet get over looked all to easily. Make noise people! VOTE.

That is all.


Monday, November 4, 2013

Submission sent, now more waiting begins.

Short blog today as I have loads of homework! Not complaining because I like the challenges the homework sets in front of me, but it does take up my time. I thought to tell at my fans that Names Can Never Hurt Me was submitted yesterday. 11/3/13. It could take up to 8 weeks to get a yay, or nay so sit tight. I will be shouting far and wide once I hear back.

I've changed the blurb several times but this is the one I went with:

What if sexuality wasn’t a definable thing, and labels merely got in the way?

Nick Jones couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t popular, when he wasn’t the best looking guy in the room, nor could he recall ever having to coax a woman into bed with him. And recently, Nick even added guys to the list of “been there, done that” when kissing Corey on a dare led to much more and on several occasions. His reputation to “screw anything” was well known, and he didn’t care. Constant sex had never been a problem. So why was the attention of someone new throwing his life out of whack?

RC was a mystery from the moment they met. A frequent customer of the restaurant where Nick worked, getting to know RC was interesting, yet incremental due to the fact that he wasn’t in the “in crowd.” RC was overweight, always sweaty, and lived up to the nickname “scruffy dude”. Still, Nick could not let go of his deep longing for friendship, even if that friendship was with a loser—and a gay loser at that.

When friendship with RC stirs longings deep within his heart, Nick is faced with choice between the superficial or making a connection deeper than he’s ever known before. External pressures of social conformity threaten to snuff out the fire before it ignites his soul, but the deeper question for Nick is why one relationship should define his future as he navigates the waters of self-discovery, sexual identity, and embraces what it means to be an adult. 

What do you think?

I had a awesome beta reader for this one who suggested a few things to alter for a better read. But for the most part, I think this retained most of my intent and flavor. As with all things "Wade Kelly" this story has some angst, some comedy, some pain, some sweet romance, and some hot man love (hee hee)

I'm thinking that I should coin the phrase "A Wade Kelly Special". Thoughts on that? LOL. I am not the only author who writes angst by any means. But what does that phrase mean to YOU? A combination of things? Real characters, raw pain, and unconditional love? Does the Wade Kelly Special tell you to prepare for tears as well as laughter? Tell me what my books do for you? I do admit I like to combine elements. My stories aren't always a straight forward fluffy experience. (Although some may say JOCK is.) IDK. I write what I feel.

Anyway… I got homework to do.   ~Wade

At 118, 294 words this is the longest book I have so far. Cross your fingers and toes for me.
I've posted this before, but I'm posting again to remind you. Don't want anyone to forget what book MIGHT be coming next.


Prologue


Last Year

It was last year’s party at Mary-Louise’s house that got me thinking all the wrong thoughts. She threw a kegger on Saint Patrick’s Day and I guess I should have known better than to tempt fate by overindulging and letting my eyes wander. I would have been better off numbing my brain and sticking to what everyone else did and what everyone else thought, but I’m me so of course I couldn’t conform. Except fantasizing about Corey Parrish, more precisely his luscious mouth, was not what everyone else did! (At least not the people I knew.) The guys I hung around with normally ignored him, while the girls flocked to his side for advice on outfits or hair. Whatever. I didn’t care about any of that. But I also shouldn’t have cared—or wondered—so much about the flavor of his lip-gloss. Damn!
So, like I said, it was last year and I was multi-tasking: drinking green beer and thinking at the same time. At the beginning of the night nothing else mattered except the booze and contemplating which girl might take me home that night. I scanned the packed living room of Mary-Louise’s house and I couldn’t help but chuckle. It’s always the same. No matter how many “frat” parties I went to, the girls stood around giggling while the guys got slammed.
“Says the guy who’s out of Budweiser.” I tipped back my plastic cup and swallowed my last drop of beer as I mumbled about the irony before meandering through the house to find the keg in the crowded kitchen.
Mary-Louise was a pastor’s kid determined to sow some wild oats. She was nice enough to throw parties practically every weekend, but not nice enough to spread her legs for me—yet. That was fine, I didn’t care. Someone else would. At least she hadn’t slapped me for trying to get her into bed with me—four times. I met her at the local community college when we were freshman. In the following four years, while I took classes on and off at the same local school, Mary-Louise did two years there, transferred to a four-year college, and graduated with a bachelor’s in business. By now—were I a dedicated, forward-thinking student like my friend—I’d have a degree too. Instead, I had loads of casual acquaintances who liked to throw parties, and lots of time to get drunk instead of figure out my future.
I just didn’t know what I wanted to do.
Life after high school pretty much sucked. I wasn’t expecting that. I was popular back then, and I guess I still am, but life’s more difficult now. I’ve got bills to pay, and I don’t know what career path to choose. Luckily, I still live with my folks and they don’t ask for rent. They made a deal with me, that as long as I paid my car insurance and maintained a three point four GPA (when I am actually taking classes that is,) I’m free to stay at home. But how many years will they tolerate a slacker son? I don’t know. And really, the list of “I don’t knows” is longer than the list of shit I was sure of. It’s depressing if I think about it.
So I don’t think—I drink!
I filled my cup with beer and watched the crowd chant as one guy stuck his head under the keg nozzle and another guy opened it full blast. “Idiots,” I mused. Not that I was all that different, I realized I was an idiot.
“Hey, Nick.”
I turned toward that oh-so-familiar voice behind me. “Hey Dawn,” I said with a slight lift of my chin. “What’s up?”
Dawn, my ex-girlfriend, grinned and looked at her perky little friend before answering. Her long brown curls bounced around her face and reminded me of the time I watched her go down on me, and all I could see was that lovely hair spread like a blanket over my pelvis. That was sexy as hell. “Well,” Dawn said, “Chrissy and I were wondering if you’d take on a little dare of ours?”
I leaned on the doorframe next to me. I was curious enough to listen because they were a precocious pair. I took a swig of my newly filled cup and asked, “Oh yeah? What kind of dare?” Not that it mattered. If I did them a favor, maybe they’d be willing to do me a little favor later—possibly together, naked, and with whipped cream. Besides, I liked a challenge every now and again; it kept life interesting.
They giggled and—yes—I rolled my eyes. Girls.
I surmised it was Chissy’s turn to talk for the two of them because she smiled my way and got a devilish look in her eyes. “You see Nick, Dawn and I dared Corey Parrish to kiss a straight guy. He said he would if we could find someone up to the task who was sober enough to remember it happened, yet cute enough not to be desperate.” Chrissy blushed deeply and ducked her face against Dawn’s shoulder. She acted embarrassed, but I didn’t buy it for a second. She was a hussy if ever I knew one. She held Dawn’s hand and nibbled her bare shoulder playfully, but I knew for a fact they both liked dick.
Corey? My stomach quivered. I was just thinking about Corey.
Corey Parrish was hot as fucking fuck, and the thought of his mouth did things to me I was trying to not dwell on. Something in the way he talked made me picture kissing him and biting his lower lip until it bled. Shit. To make matters worse, Corey was openly gay. Did I really need to get mixed up in Dawn’s and Chrissy’s little dare with a gay guy?
I sipped my beer and casually tucked my fingers into the front pocket of my jeans. If I remained calm, they’d never know I was about to puke. (From nervousness, not excessive drinking.) “What’s in this for Corey? Don’t you think it’s a cruel joke allowing him to kiss me and get nothing in return?”
“He wants my brother’s cell number. I said I’d give it to him if he did something for me,” Dawn replied, simply enough.
Blackmail? Yeah, that was Dawn’s MO. Still, I played dumb. “How is my kissing Corey something for you?” I swallowed another sip of my beer.
Dawn smiled wickedly. “I think it’s hot.”
“Hot?” I lifted one eyebrow.
Chrissy agreed, “Oh yeah! Two guys kissing is so hot.”
Two guys kissing is hot? Fuck yeah! I totally agreed. Only last week I was browsing online, clicking different shared-links on Facebook, when before I knew it I was pulling one off over a picture of two guys kissing—extending their tongues into each other’s mouths. It was a black and white photograph; one guy had facial hair and the other didn’t. As I stared at it, I began fantasizing about Corey right there in my bedroom. That was a first for me—thinking about another guy like that. I wanted to kiss Corey from the first time I saw him at Mary-Louise’s New Year’s Eve party, but jerking off over it hadn’t happen until last week. It shocked the shit out of me mostly because, as I said before, Corey’s gay. I’m not. I date girls all the time. I have sex with girls all the time. Just because I was attracted to Corey didn’t make me gay. Bisexual maybe, but certainly not gay.
Suddenly, my mouth was answering, “So, all I gotta do is kiss him?” Shit, I’d just agreed to it! That’ll teach me to daydream in the middle of a conversation.
Dawn’s eyes went wide. “You’ll do it?” she exclaimed with delight.
Suddenly, I had to talk myself down off a ledge. Calm down, Nick, it’s only a kiss. “Yeah, it’s just a kiss, right? No big.” I tried passing off nervous exhilaration as nonchalance.
“Seriously? You are so cool, Nick!” Chrissy squealed. “I knew you wouldn’t care. You’re so open-minded.”
And apparently they bought it. If only I could remain this calm as I kissed him.
I grinned. “Yeah, anything to make the two of you happy and horny.” I licked my lips and lifted my eyebrows twice. They didn’t need to know I was into it because Corey was their pawn, not me.
I followed them into the other room to where Corey lounged on the couch chitchatting with some girl I didn’t know. Corey talked to every girl, and although I tended to be overly verbose myself, I wasn’t surprised there were a few ladies I hadn’t seen before. Mary-Louise invited everyone to her parties and I was in no way jealous of Corey’s congeniality or charm. I had plenty of my own.
He was wearing a tight green T-shirt with a v-neck, which allowed his chest hair to curl over the edge of the fabric. The word “alluring” came to mind like one of those dialogue tags in a cartoon and I questioned my agreement to do this. I’d have to be extra careful kissing him, because if I started fingering the hairs on his chest like I was itching to do, then these girls might start rumors. I didn’t need “gay” rumors squelching my frequent, no-strings-attached sex life. No way, José!
“So Corey, we found someone,” Chrissy announced proudly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Chrissy tended to have more energy than a seven-year-old after a two-pound bag of skittles. She always bounced.
Corey looked up and smiled. Fuck me. I felt a quiver in my stomach. “Wow,” he replied. “I’ll say you did!” He licked his top teeth with the tip of his tongue and batted his eyes—showing off his green-glitter eye make-up—which did not ease my apprehension over kissing him. He was fucking adorable and my body knew it. Corey asked flirtatiously, “I recognize you. Nick, right? I saw you at the New Year’s Eve party making out with Laney. Why do you want to kiss me?”
Knowing he noticed me back on New Year’s did not help my trepidation. Plus—want? He thinks I want to kiss him? “I thought it was a game,” I interjected, making sure I kept my voice low and casual. “They want to play with you, and you want Andrew’s number.”
Corey’s pleased expression disappeared, but I wasn’t going to change my orientation to coax it back. “True,” he relented. “Okay, it’s a game, but you’re conceding to it. Why? What do you get?”
Now was the test. Could I portray arrogance and not over do it to the point of absurdity? I hoped so; I surely had experience. I slid my palm over the T-shirt clinging to my muscular chest (oh yeah, I was cut,) and replied, “I get to kiss a hot guy and add another name to the list of those who want me.”
“God knows I want you,” Chrissy said from the side. Perfect timing.
I tilted my head in her direction and grinned. “Thanks babe.” I winked for emphasis. “You’ll get your turn.”
“Oh, someone is sure of himself.” Corey shooed the girl next to him away and patted the cushion. “Come here, honey. Let me see what you got.”
“Here, hold this.” I handed my beer to Dawn and sat next to Corey. The prospect of kissing this guy shot sparks of tingling desire throughout my body, but I had to play it cool. No way was I getting hard and giving the girls the wrong impression. This was a game. I’m not gay.
I questioned Chrissy with a look. “Am I kissing him or is he kissing me?”
Before she could answer, I felt Corey take a hold of my chin and turn my head to face him. He planted his lips firmly on mine and lingered before pulling back with a sigh. “Nice. You willing to take it further?” Corey asked, teasing my lips with a swift flick of his tongue. His pale blue eyes were intense.
Helplessly, I nodded and leaned in. All my nervous energy from before transformed into a surge of adrenaline. I had to have more of that mouth.
The girls squealed in delight, but I ignored them as Corey’s hot mouth connected with mine again. Corey curled his fingers into my neck and pulled me closer. He parted his lips and I slipped my tongue inside his mouth, taking control of the kiss and causing Corey to moan into my mouth. This was so fucking good. As our tongues clashed, I felt a deep need to fuck like I’d never felt before.
This was way different than kissing girls, I thought. It was seriously intense, for one thing, and for another, when I kissed girls, I often felt it in my toes, but I had never felt like my groin was catching fire. Not that that meant my body would react the same with any guy I kissed, but Corey surely did a number on my dick.
I turned his body on the sofa and leaned into him, pushing him against the back of the couch. I heard him whimper and felt him move his hand down my neck and onto my chest. His warm palm rested over my pectoral muscle and it made me want to flex for him, but I didn’t. As soon as I thought about it, he pinched my nipple and those tingles I felt all over my skin intensified. My body was humming in ways I hadn’t expected, and my mind conjured up thoughts of doing things I didn’t expect. Instinctively, I moved my leg over Corey’s knee and angled my hips a smidgeon. Oh God, I need friction. I gripped his shoulder with one hand as I held the side of his neck with the other, but man-oh-man did I want to touch myself, or rub myself against his leg a little. Anything.
Corey felt unbelievably good against me.
As if it was the most natural thing in the world to do, I slid my fingers into the short hair behind Corey’s ear and that was when I heard someone comment, “Jeez, you were right. Nick’ll fuck anything.” The sound of an unfamiliar female voice behind me uttering such a toxic comment squelched my unexpected hunger, but I controlled my resentment. It was far better to ignore the comment and pretend it didn’t happen, than to cause a scene and draw unwanted attention to the fact that I was hard as hell and seconds from dry-humping Corey’s leg. If I was cool about it, maybe Corey and I could slip off somewhere.
I slowed my pace, kissing him gently, and pulled back as if nothing were amiss. The heady look in Corey’s eyes stroked my ego, so I winked at him before facing the gathering throng of horny women.
Three eager girls sat side-by-side on the coffee table in front of the couch—Dawn, Chrissy, and a red haired girl I didn’t know—while another few stood behind them. It seemed as though a lot of girls liked watching two guys kiss. Hmm. “Well? Hot enough for you?” I asked, knowing exactly what they’d say.
“Oh yeah,” Dawn moaned, placing her hand on Chrissy’s thigh, caressing her skin and running her fingers up the inside of Chrissy’s leg.
Chrissy cooed quietly, and spread her legs. “Yes… hot.” She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. Her reaction kind of made me think of reaching up her dress, but Dawn beat me to it. I watched Dawn’s hand disappear under the fabric as she kissed her friend—her girl friend—and feel her up.
Hypocrite, I sneered. It was okay to judge me and say I’d “fuck anything,” but Dawn was doing the exact same thing. I knew personally just how she liked to fuck, and how often, because she was my first. (Way back in high school.)
My attention was drawn back to Corey when I heard him sigh. (He was still recovering from my kiss.) I shook my head and scoffed, “Women! I’m outta here.”
I had to leave. Watching the two of them kiss after I’d just made-out with Corey made my need to come stronger than ever. I dashed upstairs to find the bathroom. No sooner did I lock the door and unzip my jeans, then I heard a quiet knock. “Shit!” I hissed. “It’s occupied,” I called to the person on the other side.
“Nick?” Corey whispered.
I opened the door a few inches. “Corey, now’s not the time to—”
Corey interrupted me by pushing his way inside the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and said, “I’m sorry, but I wanted to catch you before you finished.”
“Corey, I—”
“Save it,” Corey insisted, holding up a hand. “There’s a garage out back. Meet me behind it in fifteen minutes and I’ll take care of your little… problem.” He made his insinuation clear by boldly palming my erection. “Unless you think allowing me to suck you off is a little too open-minded.”
I couldn’t answer. In fact, if he touched me a second longer I was going to come in my pants. Having someone else rub my dick felt so amazing. Sure, girls did it, but rarely without my insistence. Corey, however, seemed to know what I needed without prompt. All I could do was close my eyes and groan.
Corey took his hand away and snickered. “Meet you out back.” And he was gone.
I regrouped and contemplated his proposal. He said he’d suck me off. Would Corey want me to reciprocate? I’d never sucked a dick before. Corey was the first boy I ever kissed. Or ever wanted to kiss. Did it matter? Would people think I was gay? Did that matter? It was just sex, right? I wasn’t dating Corey. I wasn’t getting emotional about it. It was just sex. Two guys getting off. No big deal.
I once heard a saying that over-analyzation leads to paralyzation. (I don’t even know if those are real words.) Needless to say, I left the bathroom in a hurry.
Finding Corey behind the garage wasn’t a problem. I slipped out of the house without too much hassle. I got stopped a couple times, but by now, most people at the party were drunk and they weren’t paying attention where others were going and whom they were with. I walked out the front door and headed around the side of the house after pretending to puke on the lawn. (That was a classic excuse to leave a party.)
Corey grabbed me as soon as I drew near and pushed me up against the side of the building. His kiss was urgent and his hands greedy. He was a little rough and I liked it. It was nice not having to take charge for once. It felt liberating. Corey kissed me for a minute or two before he sank to his knees. I felt a warm rush surge through my extremities as I looked down at him, his eyes glinting in the faint light. Corey unzipped my jeans and freed my rigid cock. Oh fuck, that’s hot!
Corey’s tongue made me shiver. Corey’s hands made me weak. But it was the suction of Corey’s throat that made me tremble like never before. I rested my hand on Corey’s head and gently encouraged his bobbing motion. I even felt daring enough to thrust my hips forward and force myself down Corey’s throat. And Corey didn’t mind! Girls hated to be forced to take more of me in. Not that I’m a porn-star material, but I’m not small by any means. Being with a guy was a refreshing change of pace. Corey sucked wildly and it didn’t take me long to feel close.
“Corey,” I whispered, leaning my head back on the brick wall. His wet friction was unlike anything I’d ever felt. “Corey,” I whispered again more urgently. “I’m gonna… come.” I tugged on Corey’s hair, but he didn’t let up. Seconds later I felt my release empty into his throat and Corey didn’t pull back. He kept licking and swallowing until I was finished, and only then did he get off his knees and kiss me.
The taste was strong, salty… different.
Corey tasted like… me, and to my surprise I liked it.
Tentatively, I reached down between us and touched Corey. I felt the same hardness in his pants that I’d recently had in mine. I knew what Corey wanted—what he needed, but suddenly there was a sound of voices close by and I shoved Corey away and did up my zipper before anyone had a chance to see what was going on.
“Let’s go back inside,” Corey suggested.
I thought about it. “Nah, I think I’m going home. My parents told me not to be out too late.”
“Okay. Can I give you my number? Maybe we can hook up sometime?”
“Yeah, sure.”
We exchanged phone numbers and I said good-bye without another glace.


At home, before I found sleep, I thought about his kiss and what we did by the garage. Corey was really hot and the things we’d done tonight felt so fucking good, but what would people think?  Was it worth a good lay to be labeled “gay”? I didn’t really care about Corey, even if he was hot. It was about sex. And if it was just sex, then going out with girls and hooking up with girls was much less complicated.
I grabbed my phone and texted Chrissy: Hey. Go to the movies with me next Friday?
A few minutes later she texted back: Of course!!!
I grinned in the quiet of my room and placed my phone on the nightstand. Chrissy was hot, and easy. I knew I’d end up fucking her next Friday night.

Nah, I’m not gay.