Saturday, July 13, 2013

My life as a serial killer.

So, I’ve been addicted lately to the show Dexter. I don’t know what possessed me to watch it exactly; all I know is that there were several people I know who said they liked it and I thought, “what the heck, I’m sick, I’ll watch it.” (Except I think I started before I was sick, idk.) Whatever or however I started doesn’t matter the point is I got hooked. I mean HOOKED!!! This is a great show. I was sucked in at the start. Which, let’s face it, is the point of a pilot. If the pilot of a new TV show doesn’t do it then that show fails. Totally. There have been pilots that have not done it for me and friends swear I have to give the show another try. True Blood I could NOT get into. Just… um, NO. I thought it was poor acting and bad plot. Meh, so-so writing. Just not my bag. Then I tried Walking Dead. I couldn’t do it. MAYBE I’ll try again. People tell me a lot “you’ll love it!” Really?? Okay, maybe I’ll try again. Sometime. And even Supernatural was not all that and a bag of chips. So, for some reason I started on Dexter.

Season 1. Awesome! Sucked me in and kept me there on the edge of my seat. Fresh, new, and somewhat unpredictable. I like to be surprised. It was good!

Season 2 & 3: Good. I was somewhat let down because season 1 was so great that the OKAYNESS of 2&3 just had me watching to see what happened next. I still liked it. I still wanted to watch, but it wasn’t that same “awesome” level as season 1.

Then I got to season 4. OH MY GOSH!!!! One word—Brilliant! Written so freakin’ well! On the edge of my seat. HAD to watch the next episode. Heart pounding in anticipation. It was GREAT! Could not get better.

Season 5… hahhaha. The word that came to mind was FUN. This show is simply FUN. Which sounds so odd since it is about a serial killer. Dexter is just plain fun. I loved this season! Different twists. Unpredictable. Fun!

Now I am up to season 6. I am slowing down because there are not that many seasons left. I don’t want to run out too fast. I have to make it last. Plus, after watching Season 5, I don’t want a let down. And I don’t want to lose the rush I felt watching 5. So, I’m taking a break.

While I break, I’m gonna write.

It is funny that what comes to mind is a blog on how my life is like Dexter’s. The problem Dexter had with Rita was he never showed his true self. Partly, Dexter feared that if Rita knew, or the people in his life “knew”,  then they would hate him, despise him and reject him. I see that in ME. I have this whole other side of ME that I never show. Or hadn’t shown to people in years. They only saw the side I chose to let out. It is not my “dark passenger”like Dexter's, but it is a passenger of sorts that some people will not get, & will not understand. Maybe I could call it my “kinky passenger.” (Not that I write BDSM, I'm just sayin'...) Not ALL writers of gay fiction write sex scenes. True. But a fair number of them do. Or romance writers of any genre whether it is straight or gay. If you mention “romance” at all, the assumption is “SEX”. Am I wrong? The stigma that M/M romantic fiction has to struggle to get past is that it is all about sex and there is no plot. I BEG TO DIFFER. Although I have read plenty out there that is focused on the sensuality, the plots are getting more involved all the time. Authors are writing better novels. Publishers, with some exceptions, are publishing better books. It is NOT about the sex, it is about the plot, the characters, and the development of the story.

For me, it is always about the story because I strive to tell a tale out of my own life. (of sorts.) I write from my experiences in different ways. I CHOOSE to write through gay characters. (And the explanation of why to that question has been given in previous blogs.) But in writing gay fiction, there is a stigma. If I wore a shirt that read “I write gay sex”, then people would look at me funny. Like Dexter wearing “I murder people”. (Although, if I end up writing horror, I might have to wear a shirt that says that. Lol) I just can’t go around wearing my declaration for everyone to see. I am selective. I don’t hide like I used to. I think that is why I could relate to Dexter season 5. It was fun, and it was also familiar. Dexter found someone who knew him for who he was and did not shrink away. (I have found the same.) Lumen didn’t judge or try to change Dexter. She accepted him. And without giving away spoilers, it didn’t trun out all roses. Dexter still had the dark passenger to live with and life was still a series of challenges for him to consider how to take, one at a time.

Me too. There are people in my life now who accept me for who I am. Like Dexter though, I am still cautious. I still have to choose who is “safe” to share my “secrete” with. Not everyone can handle my “kinky passenger”. Some people are fine only knowing I write for a living. They don’t have to know WHAT I write. I am working on using the advice my therapist gave me and opening up to some people, not ALL people. I need to be stealthy sometimes. Maybe I could type in black leather gloves? Haha.

Dexter also has a certain amount of anxiety when he can’t kill. His need overtakes him. He HAS to do it. Me too. I have to write. I think it is another commonality because there are those who just don’t get that. A writer writes. Right? Well, if I don’t it hurts. It hurts me mentally and sometimes physically. I feel it like withdraw. I get edgy and frustrated because there is something inside that has to come out. With Dexter the darkness grips him. With me, it is my characters. And in the case of Darian, maybe it is darkness that grips me too. I need to let it out!

I think I have been so long writing because I am wondering what to write. I have 3 stories I am working on, but for me it is the content. I don’t want fluff. I don’t want to write drivel. I don’t want to write what everyone else writes. So, how to I write a gripping tale that is meaningful? IDK. I’m not out to write words for the sake of a word count. I want the words to count for themselves. Ya know?

I guess that is where I am. I am carefully considering the words because I want the novels to get better as I go. I don’t want to publish crap just to have one more out there.

Other news, I have the galley proof of The Cost of Loving. (Which is basically a pdf form showing the fonts and formatting that need a once-over to make sure I’m okay with everything.) I should get a release date soon. The last time I got a galley proof I got a date for Jock less than a week later for a release about a month from that. So, we are looking at mid-August ish. I will blog and shout out loud as soon as I know the exact date!!! Now I have to think about interviews or blogs or giveaways to get readers interested in me and my writing. TELL ME: What got YOU interested in picking up a Wade Kelly book when I was “unknown” to you? Do you have any idea who I can reach readers? What makes readers give a new author a chance? Just wondering.

Catch ya laterz,


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