Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Gay PRIDE as a Straight Woman

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I think a lot. And often, I think it is because when I am SUPPOSED to be writing, my mind brings up little diversions to distract me. Like this morning with the NEW IDEA for another book! Like I need more of those. My mind is overwhelmed as it is! Anyway… This is JUNE. Gay Pride Month. And although I am not GAY, nor am I bisexual, I do support people who are LGBTQ etc… WHY? I have been thinking about this and trying to come up with what "Pride" means to me as a straight woman.

Nothing really. In and of itself. I am not LGBT and therefore I do not have the same deep down sense of PRIDE in the ability to be myself, in the open, love who I want, and not cower in shame. I don't. Not really. My life is not the same. I can not compare my struggles to that of the LGBT community over decades, centuries, etc… But I do however take pride in knowing people who do. I am very proud to have made some wonderful friends over the past few years who have taught me so much about love and what it means to truly love someone.

So why do I side with EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL? Because I think the world needs to see more love.

I don't know what the statistics are for divorce. I don't. But I do know it is staggering. I think it is ridiculous that people even try to use the argument about gay marriage "destroying the sanctity of marriage" when DIVORCE is what is killing the sanctity of marriage. And this is "Christians" and non Christians alike. Don't take that stand when your numbers are failing. That's just stupid. I have been married for 22 years. And what I have noticed as I look around and pay attention, because that is what I do, I am finding more and more couples my age that have been married the same amount of time. I'm talking SAME-SEX couples. They my not have been "officially" married because many states are only recently getting around to legalizing it, but they have BEEN TOGETHER the same amount of time. They are COMMITTED to one person, same as me. And do you know what I also noticed? More and more (Straight) couples I thought would be together forever, have gotten divorced. Therefore, that "sanctity of marriage" line doesn't work on me. One think I know is that marriage is hard and for 2 people to stick it out through thick and thin it is not easy. And if straight couples can't do it, why tell the same-sex couples they can't? Because they ARE!

Some of the most loving relationships I am glad to be friends with are Will and Jeff. I LOVE how sweet and romantic they are after so many years. Their commitment and love is an inspiration. YES, even to a straight woman! Because it is about LOVE.

Other couples I know online, but don't actually "know" all that well, but I am so thankful for Facebook etc so I have the opportunity to get to know them in the future:
Andrew and Mike
Andrew and Dominic.
Kage and HH
Michele and Jenn
David and Marc
Rick and Bruce
J. Scott and Mark
Ken and Andy
Jay and Andreas
Paul and Dennis
K.A. and her partner ( I forgot her name)
Ryan and his partner
as well as younger, committed couples like:
Michael and Anthony
Domenico and Serhan
TJ and Eric
and two of my favorite people: Matty and Brad

Many of the above have done posts recently about Gay Pride and what it means to them. Because of this, I have been pondering what it means to me.

There is a lot to say about how I feel but I don't know that it will all make sense. My brain hops around a lot. PRIDE… what does that mean to me as a straight woman?

The Gay Pride festivals and parades that go on now, in recent years, are the expression of being able FINALLY to be out of the closet by choice. People do still chose to keep their sexuality a secret, but more and more I think folks are finding they don't HAVE TO. They are now taking PRIDE in who they are without fear. I look forward to a time when all people can do this and not have to fear judgment, ridicule, and harassment. To find the love of your life is not a given. And if you do find love, I don't think you should be persecuted for it.

I think I have stated somewhere before that I am a Christian. Yes, I am a conservative, straight, married, Christian woman who believes in gay rights because I see them as HUMAN rights. To me, this is not a religious battle or matter, it is about being HUMAN and realizing people want and need to love. I don't believe love comes easy. I think HATE comes easy. I think selfishness comes easy. But I think LOVE takes more effort. Love at first sight can happen, it happened to me, but just being in love for the first or 20th time doesn't mean it will last all by itself. Love and commitment take work. And in my opinion, If two people, same sex or not, find the strength and courage to commit themselves to one another, then STOP persecuting them because of love. There are plenty of other things to go after! How about other countries who KILL people for loving. Huh? People are beaten and jailed in other countries simply for showing feelings for the same sex. That's just dumb.

Gay Pride? What does that mean? I think I also take Pride in a country that is rising above other parts of the world and allowing same-sex couples to join together LEGALLY and show the world the commitment they had most likely for YEARS before they could have it on paper. I have a piece of paper too. It states I am not an individual, but part of a couple. It makes a difference. To me. I am not in this life alone. I am in it with my husband. (And my 3 kids) We are a family. I take pride in that, so I support others as they strive to unite and feel that same pride. I have MY family, and I think they should be allowed to seek to create theirs!

Gay Pride…. I personally have lived a double life in the past. For years, I lied about myself and what I wrote and what I felt all because a handful of men thought writing a gay romance novel was the most evil thing ever and that I had influenced a few boys to be gay. (I made them gay… LOL) I shut down and split myself. I was one way (wife and mother) around everyone, and then when by myself I got to let the writer out. But I hid what I did for years. Out of fear. I was essentially "closeted" so I could continue to write what was passionately rising in my heart. I had stories I HAD to tell. Hence, When Love is Not Enough came out of my pain. Jimmy was me. Unlike Jimmy, I was not suicidal. My therapist even agreed. But I felt a deep sense of pain and aloneness from losing ALL my friends that year. I felt alone. But I also felt like I had a calling and gift from God. I even told the one pastor who demanded I repent and delete my website etc, that he should pray my story changes as I saw it as a gift from God. I was writing comedy then (book here) and my story DID change. I felt pain and loss and fear and aloneness and persecution… all things that maybe others out there could relate to. Because of what I went through, I saw things and dreamed things that would never have happened except that NOW I felt them. I think my story include persecution because that is the world I live in right now. I write about suicide, hate crimes, and bullying, because that is where the world is, and I add the HEA because that is where the world needs to go!

Does that mean I can relate to being in the closet as a gay man? Um, NO! Definitely not. But maybe I can imagine it enough to write passionately about a subject that I hope will die out like the dinosaurs. I dream of a world where people will call it "history" when referring to times when two men, or two women hid their relationship.

Gay Pride?…… something maybe I aspire to. People march in parades to show pride for being who they are. In recent years I have been striving to do just that. I want to be myself all the time, in front of everyone. I WANT to take pride in being who I am. Isn't that the essence of PRIDE?

Who am I? I am a straight, white, married, Christian, woman who writes M/M romantic fiction, and believes in Human rights and rights for the LGBT community to love and marry like everyone else if they chose to. Commitment should not be denied.

Pride is about being PROUD of being who you are all the time without apology.

I'm trying to be that. Are you?




  1. Going back over what you wrote, I tried (this is Matty) to find certain sentences that stood out for me as highlights. I finally gave up because I would just have to copy and paste your entire post.

    I am so proud of the LGBTQ community. I am so proud of all the Allies out there. And I feel particularly proud to know you.

    I think my pride in all of us who are committed to a better world just got bigger.

    Thank you for writing this, Wade. ♥

    1. You're welcome :)
      I'm really happy knowing you, even if it is in a virtual sense :p
      Thanks Matt (and Brad)

  2. Phenomenal post Wade!!! I couldn't have said it better myself!

  3. Wade. What a wonderful post that brings true meaning to what life is suppose to be all about. I am a married straight woman will be 39 years in November. Yes, I married at 16, and through thick and thin, ups & downs we're still solid and strong. We didn't have anyone who thought we could do it with the exception of a couple special people that meant the world to us.
    You are an inspiration for many who still feel surrounded by idiots who spout hate and their visions of what is right and wrong. Love is love...and no one has the right to ridicule, hurt or prevent anyone else for loving who they love. Your books are a treasure to read as I love for others to have their happiness come true.
    Your a wonderful human being that is doing what is true to your heart...and that in itself is a gift. Don't let anyone rob you of that.
    Its a pleasure to read your post, and your love of the enduring human spirits right to love who they love is wonderful thing.

    1. To hear you call me an inspiration is a very humbling thing. Thank you. I only hope to make a difference int he world, one reader at a time. I tend to be very quiet, yet I watch and I listen. I will be the one no one expects to flip the tide. I can be like an eye of a hurricane, silent, and then I come on strong. I am an unpredictable person that way and I think it scares some people because they like to control me with fear. I'm thinking fear has no place in my life.

      Thank you for your kind words.

  4. You have no idea how thankful I am to have allies and friends like you, Wade. I am glad you're able to get out and be yourself as a writer, because I know what you write is something that I love to read! Please never stop.

    Pride as "an event" is an interesting concept, and I have mixed feelings about it. Can't we just be proud all the time?

    FANTASTIC POST! Thank you for being you!

    Peace <3

    1. Thank you Jay. I try. I'm glad you liked my post!