Sunday, April 21, 2013

Tearing people up? ... yes, well, I guess I am sadistic that way.

Ever since I started writing I thought it would be cool to make people laugh. Laugher is important. Laughter is good for the soul. And then I wrote When Love Is Not Enough and found out just how much satisfaction I get from making people cry. Tears are harder to win. So, yes, I am possibly a tad bit sadistic in that I enjoy knowing I cause people pain. Emotional pain that is, not physical pain, as the reader gets connected and invested in my characters. YES, I love it.

Partially because it killed me to write it! It is nice, and satisfying, to know that all the emotion it drained out of me to write a story like WLINE, that I am causing similar hardship on the reader. It has been 20 months since the release of WLINE, and by the time the sequel comes out, it will have been 2 years. 2 years and I am still tearing people up. GOOD. I find that emotional trauma stays with the reader longer. I need readers to remember me. I need them to remember how my book made them feel. Because if for no other reason, I need them to remember me because I am taking so freaking long to get another book published!!! So, yeah, don't lose that sick feeling you got when you read WLINE the first time. The sequel is coming. It is griping, I think, but for other reasons. No one dies, promise.

This morning I got this message. It made my morning: ''Finished when love is not enough. I don't really know how to say how good this book is. It made me cry and it made me hate and it made me smile. You truly have a gift. Thank you so much for sharing it. I am a better person because of it. I wish I could do a better job of sharing my feelings. But well I give up." I LOVE LOVE LOVE, hearing things like that. I can never hear it enough, because I forget all too quickly when I have ripped apart a reader. It is easier to make a person laugh, then to make them cry. (Well, maybe not for me. I tend to think my humor is stupid. I'll get better at it.) But to make someone cry? OH YEAH! Or make someone mad. Anger is a good emotion! It is strong!!! So, cool!! I'm extremely excited about making you mad.

Also got a message that 90 pages in I was causing emotional havoc. 90 pages. All I can say is, you may not make it. The end might kill you is 90 pages is that hard. Let's see... 90 pages... do we want an excerpt?? Of course we do. For those who read this book, let me know what you favorite part was. For those who haven't read WLINE, maybe you just need to grab a box of tissues and get ready to fall apart.

Chapter : 11

ARE you sure your mom won’t come home?” Jimmy nervously asked
one night in November as Darian walked him backward into his room.
Darian’s arms were locked around his waist, and his lips were attached
to Jimmy’s neck.
“Nope. She’s out with Jerry,” Darian answered between kisses.
“Wow, this one’s lasted at least three months.”
“Yup, they’ve even mentioned marriage.” Darian slid his hands
under Jimmy’s shirt and pushed it up, finding his nipples and pinching.
Jimmy yelped and then gasped. He pulled his shirt off the rest of
the way and tugged on Darian’s, who was quick to allow its removal.
Once shirtless, the boys pressed their bodies together and kissed hard
and long. They fell backward onto the bed. Darian straddled Jimmy and
expertly devoured his mouth.
When Darian finally moved his lips to Jimmy’s neck, Jimmy
asked, “Is your offer still good?”
Darian sucked hard and left a mark. “Offer?” More slurping
“To suck me off?”
Darian froze. He sat up and looked at Jimmy as if he could not
believe his ears. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. I thought about you doing it for months, and next week is
your birthday and everything, and I didn’t know what to get you….”
He didn’t need to continue. Darian was sliding down his body and
rapidly undoing his jeans.
“Lay on the bed properly, so I’m not half on the floor,” Darian
“Are you sure no one will come in?” Jimmy asked as he got
“I’ll make sure they won’t.” Darian got up and locked the door.
“How’s that?”
“Better. Are you sure you want to—”
Yes! Oh, yes. Ever since I met you, in fact. And that weekend we
went swimming in the pond, I’m surprised you didn’t notice how…
glad… I was to see you shirtless. I’ve been dreaming about getting my
mouth on you all summer.” Darian pulled Jimmy’s jeans and briefs
down his legs and dropped them on the floor. “Glorious,” he mused.
Jimmy wanted to blush as Darian ogled him, but he wasn’t
embarrassed. He was turned on. The lust in his boyfriend’s eyes was
for him, only him. Darian got onto the bed and settled between his legs.
Jimmy closed his eyes and relished the kisses Darian planted on his
legs from his ankles to his inner thighs.
Matt will never understand how awesome it feels to know who it
is doing the kissing!
“Ohhh,” he moaned as Darian took him in hand. “Ahhh,” he
whimpered with the first swipe of Darian’s tongue. “Holy shit!” he
cried out when Darian took him to the back of his throat.
The pressure in his groin was mounting. He tingled and burned all
over from the pleasure Darian was giving him. Why did I wait for this
so long? Jimmy wasn’t sure. This was pure heaven. His entire body felt
like it was alive with dancing electricity.
No wonder Matt can’t stop. This is incredible!
His mind swirled. He was so close. Darian kept moving on him.
Jimmy grasped his hair and tugged. He could feel the vibrations from
Darian’s throat as he chuckled. Jimmy was so close.
Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut as he pushed his hips upward into
that beautiful, wet heat. “Ohhh, Matt.” The pressure exploded.
Darian jumped back just as Jimmy started spurting. “What did
you call me?”
The attitude in Darian’s voice was lost on him. “DareDarian.”
Jimmy’s body jerked. He was only slightly disappointed that Darian
pulled off before he came. This was the best orgasm of his life. He
sighed, contented.
“No! You didn’t!” Darian picked a shirt up off the floor and
pulled it over his head. He unlocked the door and hastily left the room,
leaving Jimmy lying naked on his bed.
Jimmy sat up and grabbed the nearest piece of clothing to wipe
off his sticky stomach. He found his underwear and pulled them on.
Why the hell is Darian so pissed? He couldn’t figure out what
went wrong. He felt amazing! I thought the greatest thing would be to
hear his name in the throes of orgasm…. Oh shit! It finally hit him that
he didn’t gasp Darian’s name—he’d said Matt’s.
Jimmy snatched up a shirt as he dashed out of Darian’s room. He
found him in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Tugging the shirt on, he
scrambled to apologize, “Darian, I—”
He was cut off by a death glare. Darian spit into the sink. “Save
it.” He took a swig of water and rinsed, then spit again. “Just get your
clothes and leave.” Darian wiped his mouth and left Jimmy standing by
the sink.
When he entered Darian’s room, Darian thrust his jeans into his
“Darian, please….”
“I said, just leave.” He was very stern.
Jimmy pulled his pants on and found his shoes. Guilt squirmed in
his gut. What could he do to make this right? He’d made the worst
mistake of his life. How could he possibly explain that he didn’t mean
it? “I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did!” Darian cut him off again. “I always knew you had
a thing for Matt, but I kept hoping anyway.” Darian stood defensively,
with his arms crossed, facing Jimmy as he finished tying his shoes.
“I’m so stupid.” He turned away.
Jimmy arose and approached him. He placed his hands on
Darian’s shoulders and felt him tense up and attempt to pull away.
Jimmy turned him. “Darian….”
Darian pushed at his chest. “Stop.” He struggled again, but his
efforts were weakening. “Go away.” His voice cracked. “I want you to
leave.” Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.
“Darian.” Jimmy’s voice was soothing. He knew he was in the
wrong. When Darian stopped pushing on his chest, he wrapped his
arms around him and kissed his lips. Darian didn’t resist long. In
seconds he opened to Jimmy’s beckoning tongue. Jimmy groaned as he
invaded that wonderful mouth and explored. Oh, how he loved that
tongue! He kissed and moaned and moved his hands to grip Darian’s
Darian pressed his groin to Jimmy and rocked his hips. Then he
pulled back suddenly. “No. I can’t. I’m still mad that you said Matt’s
name. Just go.” He hung his head and turned away.
Jimmy complied, heavy hearted.

Again, sorry for the format. I pasted part of the pdf. Now, if you think poor Darian is getting hurt enough here, that ain't nothing.... He is in for a long ride. (And not in a good way...)

Thanks for reading.


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PS: gear up for the release of The Cost of Loving! Coming soon from Dreamspinner Press. When I have a date, I will pass it on to you!!


  1. Crying can be awful... But it can also feel amazing at the same time. I remember the first time I saw the movie The Notebook. I cried for almost forty minutes after the credits rolled. I don't know why...I actually scared my poor husband..but I felt somehow better afterwards.

    And it was me who told you I was 90 pages in and wrecked already. I know we didn't go into depth about my reservations on reading this book and by all means this is not something I talk about...but my best wonderful amazing husband...well his family was ruined by his sister killing herself. He does not talk about it often. It hurts him to say his sisters name to be honest.

    In 2003 our close friends daughter killed herself. She was 15. My husband and I saw her a few weeks before. We never knew anything was wrong. We were devestated. Still are in fact. We have matching falling stars on our ankles with her initials as a memorial and a reminder if we have kids to talk to them...

    I only tell you this so you realize how much I respect your work...enough to say even though my heart is breaking just a wee bit..I still love the book..I love Jamie and Matt and Darian. I am gonna read..and CRY...and then I am gonna hug this out!

    So super big giant bubble invading space hugs!

    1. WOW. And you know you didn't need to open up with this depth here online. I would have been fine with a PM. BUT, sometimes when people share like this, others find they are not alone in pain and sorrow. I am truly sorry for your loss. It is very tragic when someone takes their own life :( I'll have to come by the bakery and hug you tomorrow. ;)

    2. Its fine. I feel fine about talking about it..which is strange cause I normally don't talk about it. You bring out the emotions six ways to Sunday! Lol! In will take those hugs anytime but I am off tomorrow! (Yay!!) So for now mental hugs will have to do!